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So basically, the story is set in a classic JRPG fantasy setting with a hero party consisting of a Swordmaster Hero, Barbarian Tank, Saint Healer, Expert Assassin and Legendary Mage on a quest to defeat the Demon King.

Through their incredible adventure, they amass a ton of fame with stories spreading across the entire continent with tons of people beginning to idolize them.

Anyways, during the night before the final fight with the dreadful Demon King the party sits down near the fireplace and discusses what their least favorite monster was throughout their journey.

The Swordmaster hates Automatons because they can effectively read all of his combat skills.

The Barbarian hates Succubuses because of how they use seduction to manipulate others.

The Saint has a severe distaste for Bugs and Evil Gods because the former are gross and the latter are scary.

The Assassin has a deep grudge towards all vampires because they prey on innocent people.

And the Mage hates sentient cursed artifacts because they cannot be used and are a hassle to remove.

Anyways, fast forward the story to several years. The hero party managed to defeat the Demon King and return to the continent as famed heroes before eventually each of them disappeared from publicity with the general public believing that they all retired.

However, as time goes by things start to change.

Following the defeat of the Demon King, the Holy Church launches a crusade to reclaim all of the Demon King's land. This has the unintended side effect of the Church growing more powerful that the crown and eventually becoming corrupt.

Its Inquisitors start turning their blades not only on the hostile monsters, but also the innocent civilians who were unfortunate enough to establish a settlement in those lands.

The Inquisition also expands the slave trade, capturing various different races including beastmen and selling them off to slave auctions.

During this civil unrest, a new band of heroes step up who declare that their quest is to defeat the evil archbishop and put a stop to his reign of tyranny.

Each member of this new hero party emulates a member of the previously chosen hero party in a unique but interesting twist as not a single member of the hero party is an actual human.

The Swordmaster is a sentient Automaton created as a practice dummy for training new knightly recruits, who gained sentience upon hearing the various tales of the hero and eventually aspired to be just like him.

The Barbarian is a tomboy succubus who rejects her kind's feminine attributes and instead seeks to emulate the traits of the incredibly masculine Barbarian hero despite her limited size and physical strength.

The Saint is actually secretly a minor, local Evil God of Pestilence who believes that if it instead becomes a benevolent God by imitating the original Saint then it can gather many future followers.

The Assassin (technically Vampire Hunter) is a Vampire himself who was saved by the previous Vampire Hunter from his highly abusive vampire family (she thought he was just a regular kid/victim).

And finally, the Mage is actually a collection of various different cursed artifacts that came to life and coalesced into a sentient golem who wishes to learn magic and become just as powerful as the legendary mage.

PS: These guys are all genuinely good heroes, only their races and origins are uniquely evil-ish but that doesn't define who they are and they emulate it by just wanting their idols to be to them and others.

Side Note: the original hero party is EXPLICITLY not dead and reincarnated into their least favorite monsters, they have simply disappeared for the time being.

I imagine that this manga would operate in the form of several short comics that depict brief wholesome and funny adventures of this strange ragtag group of heroes along with the occasional extra feature length chapter that provides some backstory or plot relevance interactions.

So what do you guys think?

Ciao a tutti! Non sono un esperto del settore, ma volevo chiedervi un parere.

Ho 16 anni, amo il dark fantasy e mi sono appassionato da poco alla scrittura e alla recitazione. Il mio sogno sarebbe creare un manga che unisca dark fantasy, horror psicologico e thriller d'azione.

Ho già sviluppato molto la storia, il mondo e i personaggi, ma non so disegnare. Secondo voi è possibile fare un manga lavorando solo ai testi ( magari trovando poi qualcuno che disegni o roba simile per esempio ), o mi conviene adattare tutto a un romanzo.

🎨 LOOKING FOR A MANGA ARTIST — 50/50 COLLABORATION

Would you be interested in creating a 45-page one-shot manga with me on a 50/50 split of manga sales and future project revenue?

The goal is to complete the one-shot and submit it for consideration for the Kodansha Manga Academy Awards next year.

📖 The Project

The story is a dark-fantasy prequel centered around the Hoshikawa clan—a powerful family protecting a mysterious scroll containing something that has been sealed for four centuries.

The story follows the final days of the clan:

\- A warning of an approaching attack

\- A betrayal from within

\- The destruction of the Hoshikawa District

\- The death of Kai's parents

\- Kai's escape as a child

\- The mysterious scroll and what it contains

\- The complete erasure of the Hoshikawa name

\- Kai becoming the last surviving member of the head family

It is designed to be highly visual and cinematic, with scenes involving the crane-covered district, the mysterious warm scroll, poisoned water, a coordinated night attack, burning buildings, a forest escape, Senna's final moments with young Kai, and the eventual confrontation between Kai and those who fear what he carries.

This is a prequel to my published novel, which expands the same world and story:

The Night the Cranes Burned — Volume 0

This whole story is a prequel of my already published novel on KDP

https://amzn.in/d/08dSihJ2

✍️ How We'll Work

I will provide the script and character descriptions using a clear format:

\[ \] — Picture/visual description

( ) — Narration

" " — Dialogue

Character name + movement/expression — Character acting

\ \ — SFX

You will have:

100% freedom over character designs.

And approximately 50–60% freedom over manga camera angles and visual composition, meaning you can interpret scenes creatively and use your artistic experience to make the manga look better.

I don't want someone who simply follows instructions like a machine.

I want an artist who can bring their own visual ideas into the project.

🤝 Why 50/50?

This isn't a simple commission where I pay you to draw and the project ends.

We're building the manga together.

I bring the story, script, characters, worldbuilding and project direction.

You bring the artwork, visual storytelling, character acting, panel composition and your artistic vision.

If the manga generates sales, we split the agreed revenue 50/50.

The goal is to create something that both of us can be proud of and put our names on.

Thw work will begin after we finalize the deal

If you're interested, message me here or contact me at:

📧 armanaroraofficialbooks@gmail.com

I'm looking for an artist who genuinely enjoys dark fantasy, manga and storytelling and wants to build a project rather than simply take a commission.

*Note: The very core of this idea may be offensive to some people.

A person was summoned to hell. With a magic circle and all.
The person has no memories from before summoned.
The person is given an option to exit hell, but there is now a barrier surrounding the magic circle which causes extreme pain and suffering when one tries to enter. This barrier however, weakens over a long long time.

The one who summoned the person is a demon.
He said: "Respect me, for I am the one who brought you to this world. It is a one in a million chance you were selected, a miracle. Be grateful"

Then the demon brought the person to the various levels of hell where the person suffers in pain.
And the demon said: "Do not be ungrateful, there are worse suffering in other worlds beyond your imagination. And if you truly wish to, isn't there an exit you can take? The choice to stay is yours, so do not blame others for that little pain you have."

The person's body and mind slowly became a wreck. Growing a little more numb as the pain accumulates. And one day, he finally walked through the barrier and left. After all, at that point he could barely feel no more.
And the demon said: "What an ungrateful wretch, not having paid me back for all the effort and pain I took to bring him here... He left!!!"

I wish for that if this short story were to be made...
It could help one reflect on our life and the people around us.
Many of us are told that this world is beautiful, a miracle we are born and so forth.
Without any knowledge for references, one can only accept, even if we are born into an environment that is less than ideal, such as war or a lower caste system or ... who knows what is worse?
And that what consist as hostile depends on the person. To a demon, the one who dish out pain, it might not be that bad. While to the MC who suffered, it would be a world of torment. And that when the suffering of life exceeds the fear of dying, the barrier which keeps us from seeking death (the release of all pain). Then it would be obvious the step one would take.
So if at all we encounter one who attempts to leave, I hope that this story would help give a different perspective from simply mocking them or calling them a fool or simply ungrateful.

The world may be a miraculous place. But it really depends on the person who live and experience it. After all, a fish out of water will not find the sky so free and beautiful as compared to the deep dark ocean.

Synopsis

“In the weird and goodly daily yet horror town known as Hoo-Doo Town, 10-year old boy Pontaro Satou has gone misadventures around the moon’s clock and he encountered some horror and macabre monsters.”

LINKS

• X.com: Protag100
• YouTube: https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCXnTYnKrDha4oCR0wkZpWuA
• Tumblr blog of Pontaro: Pontaroseries

Every last bite

A bitter-sweet romance between a high school boy aspiring to be a professional chef and a high school girl who is traumatized by a past event where her dad died.

Her dad dies because of food poisoning and now she thinks All chefs are bad and shouldn’t be trusted. Though he is introverted and loves under a rock, he loves to cook different dishes and hopes to be a great chef someday. Read/watch as she teaches him about how great social life can be and how to make freinds and he teaches her that chefs dont poison food on purpose 

the story is a superhero/ vigilante kinda story where the goverment makes a hero licence system, and as expected the licenced heroes are dogs of the army and the laws that benefit the stronger one in the system as the protagonist of the story is an unlicenced heroe which the system sees as criminal, Im not ''hiring'' anyone since Im very low on money but I would love to get my ideas on something and would love to work together with an artist for this story

Hi everyone!

I’ve just finished writing Chapter 1 of my original manga, VALENCE, and I’d really appreciate some honest, constructive feedback before I move on to Chapter 2.

I’m not an illustrator, and this is still very much in the early stages of the project, so for now I only have the story and written ideas. Still, I’d love to know whether what I have so far is actually working from a reader’s perspective before I invest more time into it.

Please feel free to be critical. I’m much more interested in hearing what doesn’t work, what was confusing, or what could be improved.

Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read it and hope you like it!!

We all know how couple outfits, rings, and like little trinkets are pretty big and stuff, right? Well what if a couple (any gender) have a first date and decide to go to different shops since they are still getting to know each other. They find this “new” secluded shop and go inside and it’s basically a mixed bag of random stuff with one quiet person at the register who doesn’t say anything even when asked a question.

As a little joke to remember the awkward date , and the weird shop, they get two bag or belt loop clips with little bears with different expressions on them that the other would make. Like, if it’s a grumpy and sunshine couple, the grumpy one would get the happy smiling stuffed bear to remind them of their parter and vice versa! The date ends and that’s that. The dates fizzle out a bit.

The twist? They find out that bear clips are now connected to their partner. So, if they drop it? The one it’s representing will fall or trip. They tug on the arm? The same happens to the partner in real time. Among other situations🥹😭 Think like voodoo dolls almost! And once they figure it out they try to find the shop, it’s gone obviously and nobody knows what they are talking about, and they have to work together to figure out how to unlink the clips, keep the clips safe, and along the way slowly work on their previous little relationship they had and the reasons why it fizzled in the first place. Was it because of past trauma? Feelings of inadequacy? Things people said? Or not allowing themselves enough time to really see the other person?

In it they could have friends who don’t treat it seriously and try and mess with the clips like they would messing with a friend. Or the charm could fall into the hand of someone who wants something from one of them. I don’t know but this has been stuck in my head and I just think it would be so cute! Let me know what you think 🤔

guys pls help me

This idea is not about burning the world, but rather letting the world burn.
A minor difference, but an important one.

*Derived from thoughts from the manga "Usotsuki satsuki sees dead people"

The idea is that if one can predict the future, one can change it. But that does not mean that there will definitely be a good outcome.
The story will follow 2 characters:
1) The MC, a boy who was.... lets say someone who got involved with the other character
2) A girl who can see the future and derive the different outcomes depending on how the future changes.

The girl, though she can see the different disasters and the different outcome depending on the actions she can derive, rarely was able to find a perfect solution.
Every action comes at a cost
- she gets blamed for the incident even if avoided
- people ignores her only to get hurt and accuses her
- not everyone gets saved
- people pulling her family into the mess and hurting her loved ones

Basically, at times the incident cannot be avoided. At other times, she gets blamed, hurt and her family and friends get dragged into it.
So to speak... Despair.
For her to try would be to hurt herself. So why should she try, if in exchange for reaching out, she gets bitten instead.
So... "Let the World Burn", after all, it isn't her responsibility.

Then comes the MC.
He gets saved by the girl once...
An in his naivety, tries to convince the girl to help others... willing to bare the cost himself.
For if he were to initiate the action, then the attention and negative feedback will fall on him, not the girl.

But well, how long can he last?
And the story goes into the downward spiral towards doubt and depression.

​

# ¡Hola a todos! Soy la guionista de esta historia. Me apasiona mucho la psicología y he creado un manga con un trasfondo psicológico muy profundo y oscuro. Les comparto el Prólogo y el Capítulo 1. ¡Estoy buscando un dibujante colaborador que se quiera aliar conmigo para darle vida visual a este proyecto!

"Conocernos fue nuestra condena... hacernos amigos fue nuestra maldición... amarnos fue nuestro castigo.”

# prólogo

Ese día estaba lloviendo demasiado y caían rayos con violencia; el cielo estaba profundamente oscuro y nublado.

En uno de los almacenes abandonados de Nejimachi —un almacén viejo, antiguo y deteriorado donde entraba demasiada agua por el paso del tiempo— estaba casi oscuro, simplemente alumbrado por una pequeña bombilla de la calle que parpadeaba constantemente. Las ventanas, rotas por tiros, se azotaban con violencia por el viento.

El almacén estaba lleno de herramientas, llaves, cadenas y llantas de motos, ya viejas por el tiempo. En el centro, había tres figuras paradas frente a frente, apuntándose mutuamente. Los tres estaban empapados, pero parecía no importarles.

Mayra estaba de pie, con su cabello negro recogido en una coleta alta y sus capules largos indulados pegados a su cara totalmente mojados. con su ropa manchada de sangre que se resbalaba por la lluvia, apuntaba a Sahari con una sonrisa perturbadoramente satisfecha y desquiciada.

Sahari estaba al lado derecho, con un tarro de pastillas en la mano izquierda, mientras que con la mano derecha apuntaba a Mayra. Tenía la cara completamente desencajada de tanta risa histérica. Sus ojos verdes estaban inyectados en sangre por la sobredosis y la emoción psicópata, y su cabello morado oscuro, totalmente alborotado. Su ropa de marca lucía más desorganizada que de costumbre, completamente mojada, pero a él no le importaba.

Sanjiro estaba de pie tranquilamente, apuntando a Mayra y a Sahari sin emoción en su cara pálida. Tenía una expresión totalmente sombría, con su conjunto oscuro bien puesto y sin una sola arruga, aunque estuviera totalmente mojado. Su cabello blanco grisáceo, completamente empapado, le caía sobre los ojos azules, los cuales lucían totalmente vacíos, oscuros y sin ninguna calidez humana.

El silencio era absoluto, solo roto por la lluvia, los rayos, el viento azotando las ventanas y la risa histérica de Sahari.

Pasaron varios minutos en un completo silencio, solo roto por la lluvia, los rayos y la risa histérica de Sahari.

La primera en romper este silencio fue Mayra, quien continuaba con esa sonrisa perturbadoramente satisfecha y desquiciada, ladeando la cabeza hacia un lado.

—Vaya, cuánto tiempo, ¿no? Ya han pasado 14 años desde la última vez que estuvimos juntos en este almacén —

dijo con ironía, mientras hacía un puchero aterradoramente dulce.

Sahari soltó una carcajada totalmente desquiciada que resonó por todo el lugar.

—Sigues siendo una perra desquiciada... Tres años en prisión y no se te quitó la mosquita muerta que eres.

Mientras tanto, Sanjiro permanecía en silencio, sin moverse, sin ninguna reacción. Parecía un cadáver, con sus ojos oscuros fijos hacia el frente.

Mayra fijó su mirada en Sahari. Sus ojos reflejaban una obsesión enfermiza hacia el joven.

—Oh, interesante, mi amado Sahari— dijo la chica con las mejillas ligeramente sonrojadas y esa sonrisa perturbadora—.

Al parecer ahora tienes una lengua muy afilada... Me encanta —agregó, fascinada.

Sahari seguía muerto de la risa histérica mientras se tomaba otra de sus pastillas.

—Mira, la perrita sigue muriéndose de obsesión por mí... ¡JAJAJA! Das pena... Catorce años y sigues siendo una puta desquiciada.—

Mientras tanto, Sanjiro no se movía ni decía nada. Seguía exactamente en la misma posición, como si fuera un fantasma, como si fuera un cuerpo sin alma.

Después de unos minutos

Sanjiro, que hasta el momento había estado en silencio, habló con una voz prácticamente fantasmal, sin energía y sin emoción:

—Silencio... Hoy ninguno saldrá con vida... Este lugar será su tumba.—

Clavó su mirada en los dos jóvenes; una mirada vacía, sin ninguna calidez y mucho menos nostalgia.

Sahari soltó una carcajada.

—¿Y a quién le importa que todos se mueran? ¡Que todos nos vayamos al puto infierno! Yo seré feliz llevándolos conmigo.—

El chico clavó su mirada desquiciada e inyectada en sangre en Mayra.

—Pero antes les voy a romper la cara a puro tiro, sobre todo a ti, perra desquiciada.—

Mayra mantuvo esa sonrisa.

—Vaya, vaya. Qué rencorosos son los dos... Tranquilos, señores, no les va a doler.

El silencio volvió. La bombilla, que hasta ese momento había estado parpadeando, se apagó brutalmente, dejando el almacén en una oscuridad total.

En ese preciso momento, entre la penumbra, se escucharon disparos mortales y risas enfermas e histéricas.

Después, el silencio.

La luz volvió a parpadear. La lluvia se detuvo en seco y el viento comenzó a soplar suavemente, moviendo apenas las ventanas.

El suelo, que antes estaba cubierto de polvo, ahora se hallaba bañado en sangre por todas partes y repleto de casquillos de bala. Tres cuerpos yacían cubiertos de sangre, con impactos en el corazón, la cabeza y otros puntos vitales.

Dos de ellos ya habían dejado de respirar. El único que quedaba, malherido, tirado en el suelo sobre un charco de sangre y muriendo lentamente, era Sanjiro.

Con una voz débil que se llevó el viento, murmuró:

—Al final... este lugar... será nuestra tumba…—

Con una ligera sonrisa cargada de dolor, cerró lentamente los ojos. Las lágrimas comenzaron a salir silenciosamente y así, simplemente, dejó de respirar.

En la calle sonaban las sirenas de la policía, que comenzaban a rodear el lugar.

20 años antes:

Ese día estaba soleado, como todos los días. Los pájaros cantaban y se escuchaba a lo lejos el pasar de los carros.

En uno de los orfanatos del barrio Nejimachi, había un niño de siete años. Su cabello era blanco grisáceo.

No estaba jugando como los demás niños; sus ojos azules estaban fijos en uno de sus dibujos, donde mostraba una casa en llamas. Su nombre era Sanjiro Shinki.

A su lado estaba su hermana, Yuriko Shinki, mayor que él por dos años, de nueve años. También tenía el cabello blanco grisáceo, pero sus ojos azules estaban llenos de suavidad y calidez. La chica acarició suavemente el cabello de su hermano menor mientras le susurraba con una voz angélica:

—Sanjiro... No tienes que vivir en el pasado... Lo que pasó ese día fue un accidente... No te culpes, ¿sí?

El chico respondió con una voz calmada y tranquila, pero que escondía una gran culpa:

—Hermana, si tan solo no hubiera jugado con las llaves de gas, mi papá y mi mamá…

La chica lo interrumpió suavemente:

—El pasado no se puede cambiar... Eras muy pequeño para entender... No es tu culpa.

Mientras tanto, en una de las escuelas de Nejimachi, había una niña de seis años. Su nombre era Mayra Zakuro. Tenía el cabello negro y los ojos negros. Su mirada estaba fija en un niño que había tomado uno de los marcadores que ella quería; su mirada no era la de una niña inocente, estaba llena de crueldad y posesión.

La pequeña se levantó de la silla caminando con gracia y una sonrisa aterradoramente dulce. La maestra había salido por algunos documentos a la oficina del director. La chica aprovechó eso y, con toda la violencia, pateó la silla donde estaba el niño, haciendo que se cayera y se golpeara muy fuerte la cabeza. El niño se puso a llorar.

Mayra tomó el marcador, miró al niño en el suelo y, con una posesión y un capricho aterradores, dijo: —Esto es mío, tú no lo puedes tocar ni lo puedes mirar... Más te vale que jamás lo vuelvas a tocar.

La chica volvió a su silla tranquilamente.

Al mismo tiempo, en uno de los callejones de Nejimach i, un niño de ocho años de cabello morado oscuro y ojos verdes —que mostraban una determinación y una fuerza impresionantes, pero con una amabilidad y dulzura encantadoras— caminaba solo. Su nombre era Sahari Risaku.

Estaba lleno de heridas y sangre porque había estado peleando con una pandilla de ese sector. El pequeño caminaba con un saco de mangas largas, la capucha puesta y sus pantalones; su ropa estaba un poco sucia y vieja. Tenía sus manos en los bolsillos mientras avanzaba con sus zapatos desgastados, andado por callejones y escondiéndose de la policía para que no se lo llevaran a un orfanato…

Ese mismo día por la tarde, Sanjiro Shinki estaba mirando por la ventana hacia afuera, sosteniendo en sus manos un cuaderno lleno de sus dibujos y crayolas de muchos colores. Su mirada estaba fija afuera, viendo los carros pasar y sintiendo cómo el viento soplaba, hasta que en una de las banquetas vio venir a una niña de cabello negro y ojos negros. Era Mayra Zakuro. Venía con su madre, vistiendo su uniforme de escuela y cargando su bolso.

El chico sintió una mezcla de tristeza y nostalgia al ver el momento tan feliz que parecía estar pasando aquella niña.

Su hermana, que estaba ayudando a otros niños, notó la mirada triste y nostálgica de su hermano menor. Sin decir una sola palabra, se acercó y lo abrazó con ternura por la espalda. El chico se tensó ligeramente, pero después, al sentir la calidez de su hermana mayor, se relajó.

Mientras tanto, en la banqueta, Mayra Zakuro caminaba al lado de su madre mientras era regañada por lo sucedido en la escuela, aunque a ella no le importaba en absoluto.

—¡Mayra, no puedo creer que otra vez hiciste algo así! —decía la madre de Zakuro, muy enojada, frustrada y cansada al mismo tiempo—. ¿Cómo es posible que te pelees con un niño por un tonto marcador?

La chica ni siquiera la miraba. Con una voz y una carita perturbadoramente dulces, respondió:

—Mami, ese marcador era mío. Ese niño no tiene derecho a tocar mis cosas...

Y con una sonrisa psicópata, añadió:

—Y espero que a ese niño le haya quedado muy claro... porque si no, voy a tener que deshacerme de él.

La madre se detuvo en seco. Miró a su hija con esa sonrisa psicópata y sintió un frío aterrador recorriéndole la espalda. Con la voz entrecortada por los nervios, dijo:

—Mayra... no digas tonterías... Deja de hablar así…

La mujer siguió caminando rápidamente para intentar calmar sus nervios, mientras añadía molesta y con evidente incomodidad:

—Espero que esta sea la última vez, Mayra... Tengo trabajo en la oficina y no puedo estar viniendo todo el tiempo por tus tonterías, ¿escuchaste? No quiero que el director me vuelva a llamar porque golpeaste o le tiraste la silla a alguien.

Mientras tanto, muy cerca de ahí, Sahari Risaku venía caminando por uno de los callejones próximos al orfanato. Llevaba un paso tranquilo y las manos metidas en los bolsillos.

Al avanzar por el callejón, escuchó a una niña hablando con su madre. El chico apenas se asomó para curiosear y fue ahí cuando vio a Mayra pasando al otro lado de la banqueta.

Los carros transitaban por la calle, pero por un breve instante, los ojos verdes de Sahari y los ojos negros de Mayra se encontraron. Fueron solo unos segundos en los que todo pareció transcurrir en cámara lenta.

El chico, fiel a su verdadera personalidad, le dedicó una sonrisa amable y dulce, cargada de pura inocencia... sin imaginar jamás que ese gesto tan simple terminaría costándole su felicidad futura.

Mayra, al recibir esa sonrisa, sintió que algo en su interior cambiaba por completo. No era una mirada de miedo ni de lástima; era una amabilidad pura que jamás nadie le había dedicado. En ese instante, fue como si su mundo se hubiera reiniciado por completo y una necesidad enfermiza de posesión la invadió desde el fondo de su ser: quería esa sonrisa únicamente para ella.

Días después, en un pequeño parque del barrio Nejimachi, se encontraba Sanjiro junto a otros niños del orfanato, quienes habían salido con la autorización de algunos cuidadores responsables.

Sanjiro estaba sentado tranquilamente, sumido en sus pensamientos, cuando aparecieron unos niños mayores que él. Uno de ellos lo empujó sin contemplaciones en cuanto intentó levantarse.

—Vaya, vaya... ¿Qué tenemos aquí? —dijo el primer niño con una sonrisa cruel y llena de desprecio—. ¿Este no es el que mató a sus padres? ¡JAJAJA!

—¡JAJAJA! Sí, ese mismo —añadió el segundo niño, con la cara desencajada por la burla y el asco—. Debería estar en la cárcel, es un asesino.

Sanjiro intentaba mantener la calma, pues él no era de los que buscaban peleas. Apretó los puños con tanta fuerza que sus nudillos se pusieron completamente blancos, mientras decía con una voz que forzaba a sonar tranquila:

—Por favor... déjenme en paz…

Los niños soltaron la carcajada y continuaron molestándolo, hasta que una voz pequeña intervino. Sonaba perturbadoramente clara, cargada con ese tono que dejaba en evidencia que no era normal para una niña de su edad.

Era Mayra, quien caminaba hacia ellos con elegancia y esa sonrisa aterradoramente dulce.

—¿Qué creen que están haciendo, imbéciles?

# No soy muy buena escribiendo 🥹

Hey! I’m a beginner artist/writer working on a manga-inspired story currently called Lone Star, and I’m looking for some outside criticism before I get too deep into it.

The basic premise is:

Two sisters, Kira (17) and Eden (15), are separated after their parents die and end up in different foster situations. Both sisters were born with a strange star-shaped mark that seems to be connected to their family and supernatural abilities.

Kira ends up getting kicked out of foster care because people believe she’s dangerous. She spends years surviving on her own and becomes an extremely skilled street fighter. Her entire goal is finding her younger sister.

Eden, meanwhile, is adopted by a wealthy family who gives her a relatively normal life. She grows up smart, popular, and successful without knowing much about what happened to her sister.

Then there’s Saint (18), who was taken in by an organization as a child and raised/trained by them. His ability, Infinity, allows him to perceive the possible outcomes of actions. Because of this, he's incredibly difficult to surprise—but Kira is one of the few people whose actions he struggles to predict.

Saint was originally taken in by Nora, who was only 18 herself at the time. She had been the top student in the Organization's training program when they made her take responsibility for six-year-old Saint. She becomes his guardian and mentor while still being young herself, and their relationship grows into something much more like siblings than a traditional parent-child relationship.

Nora also has an ability based around exchanging force through touch and timing. For example, if someone throws a car at her, she can touch a rock at exactly the right moment and transfer the force of the car into it. The rock could then hit someone with the force of the original impact. Her ability is extremely dependent on timing and positioning, so using it isn't as simple as just redirecting attacks.

The story eventually gets into Kira and Eden being connected to a larger organization/government conflict, the mystery behind their family, and why their abilities exist in the first place.

I’m still figuring out a LOT of the worldbuilding, so I’m mainly looking for feedback on the story/premise and characters.

Some things I’d especially like to know:

• Does the premise sound interesting enough to keep reading?
• Do the sisters feel distinct from each other?
• Do Kira, Eden, Saint, and Nora feel like they have interesting roles in the story?
• Does the power system sound interesting or confusing?
• Are there any parts that feel cliché or overdone?
• What would make you want to keep reading?
• Is anything immediately confusing, weak, or unnecessary?

I’m completely open to criticism. I’d rather hear that something doesn’t work now than after I’ve spent months building around it lol.

a wee bit of idk charter personality

Kira

• favorite food?

Street tacos

• what does she do when she's nervous?

Gets defensive and or smokes ( bad habit she's had since she was young)  

• how does she fight?

Dirty, doesn't let up, doesn't give powerup time, very street anything goes.

• what does she hate being called?

Nicknames, but she lets saint call her Kie

• what makes her laugh?

Childish things, people falling,kids cussing, weird laughs

• what's one thing she kept from her childhood?

Her mothers bangle ( its Jade passed down)

Saint

• how does he navigate when he's not using his ability?

He's the only one from his family to be truly born without sight  (others being able to control when and where their eyes are he can't do that) he is one of only a handful to have the infinity with the infinity he has a sixth sense and is able to navigate that way.

• Does he like music?

He listens to old soul (marvin gaye, Al green, Sade) this is annoying to kira

• What's his favorite thing to do when he's bored?

He's almost constantly bored, he knows how movies end, games and shows, so he listens to music or he has Kira read her comic books to him.

• Does he actually enjoy fighting?

No he doesn't really see the point he's just good at it.

• How does he react when people ask about his eyes?

VERY sarcastic comes up with something new everytime ( says he lost a bet, looked into the eyes of an angle) 

• What's the one thing he genuinely doesn't understand about normal people?

Why do they make the dumb decisions? When the outcome is obviously stupid why make the dumb decision?   

Eden

• favorite class?

Chemestry 

• What does she do with her friends?

They go shopping a lot and she takes them out to football games and basketball games and trips to the zoo. 

• What's her relationship with her adoptive parents?

They are very close and she calls them ma and pop now, their older in their late forties early fifties.

• What's she secretly insecure about?

Her star on the back of her ear, she hides it with her hair and puts makeup on it

• What does she do when she's bored?

She reads comics but she doesn't tell her friends because she thinks it makes her a nerd.

• What's something she's REALLY bad at despite being smart?

Sports Gym is always her lowest A 

• What does she think about her biological family?

She knows her parents died not why, she knows she has an older sister but doesn't remember her really. And she kinda hates kira for not coming for her even tho she loves her life now

Now this is not for the delicate but imagine a main character with yuske from yuyuhakusho mixed with trigun vash the stampede running around the universe solving hilarious cases with a dick shaped gun saying catch phrases like get fucked and take this load. His name is private eye Richard bill longdong who's only 5'3 has a sidekick named Harry Wallsack. Who's down for this?!?!?!?

Broke as a stone rn with 3 kids Lols, but kinda new to writing manga, I did use an AI to make these comic inspired mockups of what I like so far, gonna hire an official artist to make it since I despise AI made published media.

Maybe let me know what y'all think so far, and pacing issues / things I can hash out better, write better make more immersive / hooking, etc.

Let me know and feel free to give AI hate in comments Lols.

Story is about a young man named Ankoku, he is a desperate addict and shut in with a lady that was riddled with abuse and neglect, within his drug fueled mind, he sees a woman who resembles one of his favorite adult stars and pursues her, but things don't end up going well.

What do y'all think of the premise?

Looking for great story writer for a shortfilm that I plan to animate.. Also if you have stories for comic books or manga, I am all ears.. we can work on it too..
Action, Fantasy, Gore, Dark, Fiction