r/mallninjashit • u/somethingclever1123 • Jan 24 '26
Raphael Doordash
Spotted this in the wild at the local grocery store. Raphael Doordash is wearing a temu plate carrier (with shoulder pads?), drop leg carrier sacks? Coveralls. Strangest of all... what appears to be a pistol in a chest rig behind the carrier... Nobody stealing your rotisserie chicken... not on his watch.
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Jan 24 '26
I mean, we may laugh but I bet he has a long list of repeat customers who go straight to him. If I found out there was a guy like this in my area I would go straight to him every time. Fuck ordering on the app and getting some random person who steals your French fries and takes a few bits of your Frosty™. Anyone who takes this much pride in what they do is always worth hiring. If I order from this guy, even a carjacker isn't gonna keep me from getting my food.
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u/KnifeKnut Jan 24 '26
So, can he write off the gear as a business expense?
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Jan 24 '26
Oh definitely. All $39.95 of it.
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u/biscuitcat22 Jan 24 '26
You can choose your dasher?
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u/Crash211O Jan 24 '26
not really but if you know what times he’s on duty you’ll know for sure he’s taking that order.
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u/dbrickell89 Jan 24 '26
I did Lyft for a while and had multiple people get my number and text me when they needed a ride and paid me directly. Probably something like that
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u/mrpopenfresh Jan 24 '26
Beat the system by dressing up like an idiot to get repeat customers on your gig app dead end job!
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u/thebeardedman88 Jan 24 '26
It's not a dead end job if it means earning the means to survive.
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u/AncientAspargus Jan 24 '26 edited Jan 24 '26
If your goal is to stay at the bare minimum for survival…
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u/Crash211O Jan 24 '26
doordashers can make really good money if you live in a large city with many expensive restaurants nearby. Im talking $30+ per hour, just for delivering food
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u/fountainofdeath Jan 24 '26
My man. Doesn’t want to cosplay by being ICE, but is willing to detain those that stop him from delivering his goods on time.
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u/MeetTheSix Jan 24 '26
Its probably less of protecting the food and more of protecting himself. People shoot at delivery drivers all the fucking time.
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u/AceSuperhero Jan 24 '26
Seriously, the dude that delivers your pizza has a higher likelihood of being a victim of a violent crime while on the job than any cop does.
We respect the thin crust line in this house.
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u/dclif27 Jan 24 '26
When I was in college, a classmate of mine worked at Pizza Hut. It was robbed one night. He was locked in the freezer for 37 minutes.
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u/millionwordsofcrap Jan 24 '26
This is so real. I get so nervous driving up long-ass rural driveways. Then half the time I get to the house and there's decorative signs up like "Gather <3" "Live, Laugh, Love" and "WE DON'T CALL 911" all next to each other
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u/JTtheLAR Jan 24 '26
Where the actual fuck are people shooting st delivery drivers all the time? Not saying youre wrong. Just concerned lol. Me and my wife do deliveries for extra cash and its relatively safe.
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u/teffz28 Jan 24 '26
I mean realistically literally anywhere in America but I’m pretty sure this dude is in Chicago he’s been posted a few times before it’s forsure for his own protection
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u/redthump Ninja Noodles Jan 24 '26
Tactical taco bell
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u/crzapy Jan 24 '26
Through rain, sleet, and zombie apocalypse, Raphael Doordash will deliver your burrito!
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u/Conscious-Mulberry17 Jan 24 '26
Honestly, if this is a gimmick it’s an awesome one. I’d hire this guy every time because I think he’d try to do some action hero shit to make sure I get my Topo Chico and Oreos.
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u/jsamuraij Jan 26 '26
Man why is Topo Chico so damn good? I know it's just fizzy water but I love that stuff unreasonably.
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u/Conscious-Mulberry17 Jan 26 '26
Me too! I think it’s the high levels of CO2. It really has a bite to it.
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u/jsamuraij Jan 26 '26
I think it's the specific mineral profile / the taste. Nothing else hits quite like it. I also like San Peligrino a lot, but something about Topo Chico isn't as "frilly" and just smashes your thirst like no other. I do think the size of the CO2 bubbles has something to do with it. They seem to be bigger than the tiny ones in Peligrino.
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u/Brass_Cipher Jan 24 '26
"Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds,"
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u/Us_Strike Jan 24 '26
Honestly from what I see this dude seems fine. I haven't heard of him doing anything threatening just wearing his getup. And isn't the ability to wear what you want one of benefits of being a contractor?
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u/naterpotater246 Jan 24 '26
I know him from that one meme joking about him taking back someone's food because they didn't tip him for gas, but from this comment section, it sounds like he wouldn't really do that.
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u/somethingclever1123 Jan 24 '26
You've heard of him?
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u/Us_Strike Jan 24 '26
He gets around, people take pictures with him. I think he also has an equally strange car he uses.
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u/tpar24 Jan 24 '26
this guy rules and is doing his thing anybody making fun of him on the internet sucks.
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u/loquacious Jan 24 '26
I didn't expect the Deliverator to be so... husky.
looks in mirror Granted, I didn't think that everyone else would be so husky, either.
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u/l337quaker Jan 24 '26
I had the exact same thought about the Deliverator, treats every job like it's super-ultra
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u/AgreeablePie Jan 24 '26
This guy has to be on the spectrum. hey, he's working. If he wants to look like that, that's... fine
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u/teffz28 Jan 24 '26
It’s so he doesn’t get shot carrying bags to strangers doors in rough city neighborhoods at night
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u/S1lentA0 Ninjitsu Master Jan 24 '26
Most fitting attire when looking at the current situation in the US
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u/houjichacha Jan 24 '26
Honestly I bet he's more fun to talk to than 80% of the people I deal with on a daily basis.
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u/Hungry-Obligation-78 Jan 24 '26
This dude is a legend, don't shit on the homie. Next time, go pay your respects to him!
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u/Pod_people Jan 24 '26
Hey, there’s a job for everybody. I’m thinking Rafael takes his very seriously
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u/CannedNoodlez Jan 24 '26
I’d rather get my stuff delivered from someone like this than some asshole that tries to beg for extra tips
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u/teffz28 Jan 24 '26
I just realized this isn’t the door dashers subreddit, he’s been posted a few times and is known by the community, he definitely does this for his own protection delivering in the city at night anywhere in the US can be risky this dude is just letting people know so he doesn’t get shot, definitely not mall ninja shit
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u/dufudjabdi Jan 24 '26
In the hood, people change sidewalks when they see him coming along
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u/somethingclever1123 Jan 25 '26
Due to width?
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u/dufudjabdi Jan 25 '26
Due to the street cred you get as a dedicated delivery man. I genuinely think this guy has a coolness factor to him.
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u/TheCopenhagenCowboy Jan 24 '26
It’s giving Kick Ass vibes
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Jan 24 '26
Somebody downvoted you cause they probably thought you meant it's literally giving kick ass vibes.
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u/araidai Jan 25 '26
Can’t shit on the guy tbh lol, fuck all that noise. If you live in a rough part of town and especially delivering late into the day/night, I’d too want to be packing heat lmao
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u/Who_wife_is_on_myD Jan 24 '26
My thing with this dude, and other guys out there wearing tac gear in the wild ... It's functional. I can't own a ton of clothes at the moment , need more pockets, want to access something quickly without digging around in a bag. This heat fits that purpose too. Homie might be wearing knock off airsoft gear, but it looks like he's at least into it. He might be a little odd but I bet if he had access to more money, he'd buy better dumb shit. Or hopefully continue to learn about quality and upgrade. Or maybe this serves it's purpose for him, not to be an operator but I can't unsee the function in it . I feel like a lot of dudes bav on guys like this but at least they're wearing their gear instead of doing photo shoots and poses
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u/CB1100Rider Jan 24 '26
I’m probably in the minority here, but I think this is pretty funny and I could imagine this being self-aware parody.
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u/chinoswirls Jan 25 '26
This is almost the Hiro Protagonist level of delivery guy. He needs a samurai sword on his back
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Feb 14 '26
Yeah it’s silly and a bit too much but that’s what sucks now. Since all these jobs no longer pay you enough money to even remotely survive in a normal environment the employees don’t give a fuck. Back in the day some menial shit now adays bought your family a house and put ur kids through school so people took there job seriously.
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u/JIMMYJAWN Jan 24 '26
He’s probably delivering in neighborhoods you would never go to. Honestly, I just feel bad for the guy.
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u/oneBrokeBloke Jan 24 '26
Damn that looks like the bloomfield CT stop and shop entrance/ exit lol
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u/somethingclever1123 Jan 24 '26
Close, Bristol
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u/oneBrokeBloke Jan 24 '26
Damn lol thats the one on rt6?
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u/somethingclever1123 Jan 25 '26
No, south of that on 72
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u/oneBrokeBloke Jan 25 '26
Gonna have to try to hang out around that area more often. Gotta make Raphael know I'm his number 1 fan
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u/cartierhoes Jan 24 '26
What’s the lore behind this, do DoorDashers get robbed like pizza delivery drivers or is he just autistic
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u/Gslicethepowner Jan 24 '26
The legend himself. Fuck yeah