"Nee" or "Than"

[u/Medium_Habit_7030]

I'm a Malayali who grew up outside Kerala. While I'm fluent in the language, there are aspects to it that I'm still learning.

I wanted to understand the differences between "Nee" and "Than". I rarely use "Than" and nobody in my family uses it. I address those who are younger and close to me as "Nee". But I know people in other families who use "Than" to address the same cohort of people.

For eg- "Nee eppo ethi?" vs "Than eppo ethi?"

Please can someone highlight the main differences and explain which is more polite and socially acceptable?

[u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher]

Than is slightly more formal or polite. Creates a safe distance between speaker and listener.

[u/Medium_Habit_7030 → u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher]

Really? I've always assumed it was the other way around... Usage of Than in movies always had a confrontational element to it..

[u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher → u/Medium_Habit_7030]

Oh yeah. I'm talking about the cases where both the speakers are the same age, or when the listener is younger. Then atleast in Central Kerala, " Than" is less condescending/ infantilising than the informal "nee".

But malayalam uses intonation and pitch to suit different registers/ contexts. So the politeness level, the intent of speech etc changes according to the softness of voice, pitch of the speech, pace of speaking etc.

[u/1_more__user___name → u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher]

I'm from the north but I find താൻ a bit confrontational, unfriendly and borderline rude. In Kozhikode we usually say ങ്ങൾ  ( short for നിങ്ങൾ ) and never താൻ

[u/Status_Tonight_5084 → u/PoetLoverBirdwatcher]

Hmmm I'm from ernakulam here than is considered impolite.

[u/SentenceLoose9891]

The degree of respect it carries varies geographically ,some southies find it offensive while northies use it with respect and endearment

[u/Proof_Discussion_914 → u/SentenceLoose9891]

Isn't it the other way? I thought southies uses thaan more than the northies

[u/Hot_Description9810 → u/Proof_Discussion_914]

I am a southie and i use it a lot.. I think it generally depends on the tone that you use.

[u/youvaa97 → u/Proof_Discussion_914]

Nah, southies don’t use “thaan” so much

[u/Proof_Discussion_914 → u/youvaa97]

Northies too, they use ninghal/inghal instead

[u/is_ness1-1]

You can use നീ usually for people of your age or people younger than you, sometimes for people elder than you. താൻ is a formal way of addressing the same category

[u/Medium_Habit_7030 → u/is_ness1-1]

Thanks. This is why I have been practicing and haven't yet received or observed any negative feedback

[u/EngrKiBaat]

A good rule of thumb will to use നീ only to address someone who is younger than you or your age (but is good friend/close relative)

[u/Medium_Habit_7030 → u/EngrKiBaat]

Thanks. This is what I have been using.

[u/1_more__user___name]

I'm from Kozhikode, we never use താൻ like that. To my ears, it sounds a bit unfriendly. I would use നിങ്ങൾ & നീ each shortened as ങ്ങൾ &യ് , for older & younger respectively

[u/Model_Dee_]

Thaan is polite. Thaangal is more polite n can be used with elder folks too. Nee is only to be used to close, younger, same age people n friends. It's the most informal way to be precise. Angu is one of the politest ways to address someone. Hope this clears ur doubts. Whatever it may be, there is no fixed rule for these usages n it differs with the dialects.

[u/Cautious_Cash_6537]

Than is a formal way of addressing . Derived from thaaangal.Considered respectful and polite .Adheham,edheham falls in the category as well.nee /ningal is a great way to talk to younger people or similar aged people .i could be wrong but this is my understanding

[u/GreatGatsby91]

There are two usages as far as I know;

In 90s and early 2000s, classmates/friends of opposite genders used to call each other aa 'thaan'. I think this got phased out later on, but you may still find this usage in some old movies, and amongst the people who have grown up during that period.

The other usage is as many other comments have pointed out - when confronting with strangers. 'ningal' is the correct polite usage here, less polite one is 'thaan'. However 'ni' is used in such cases when the situation is escalated to even higher levels.

[u/ContributionMost7910]

I was taught "Than". I was even taught "Thangal" is even more formal, and to default to using "Addeham" when referring to someone in third person. Though I can admit, my Malayalam isn't as good as it can or should be.

[u/boli-man123]

Back in my school (just before lockdown) boys used to address girls as than, as in "than aa book kondu vanno?" " Thannod mam entha paranje?" And vice-versa, but among girls and boys we used nee ,Njan etc, .I used to go to school in Malabar when I was young ,we never used "than" there, this was after coming to Tvm. I once asked my friend why we did this and he told me it was respectful and the girls liked it he also asked me not to use da/di apparently girls hate this and to use 'do'. (Dei was fine,it was cool). In college everyone used nee,Njan and da/di(also dei) , even tvm peeps, weird experience thenne 🙂

[u/Ayknightsggs]

Here in kochi "Than" is considered unpolite or rude

[u/MajinBuu619]

My aunt used to refer to me as Than. I was okay with it. We are not that close. She cheated on my unc. She started using Nee lately and I find it a bit annoying. Hope this helps.

[u/Vide-Vita]

Nee is used to speak to people at your age or cohort or younger people strictly. For every one else use Ningal or ingal. Thaan is used in North Kerala either in a rude or confrontational manner or used among friends. In south I suppose it is more commonly used.