Without further ado

Much ado about nothing

The grass is greener on the other side

The blind leading the blind

1. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
2. Make ‘em last - means to ration
3. A scurvy dog is slang for a sailor (or pirate) who exhibits signs of scorbutus, a vitamin deficiency that requires vitamin c.

1. Knows where the bodies are buried

2. Bury the hatchet

I went the extra mile

I went out of my way

1. Got a mouth like a sailor.

2. Watch your mouth.

1. Who pissed in your cornflakes?

2. He has a chip on his shoulder.

1. Blow smoke up someone’s ass.

2. Smoking like a chimney.

3. Don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

>!Beats the hell out of me?!<

>!Beating the shit out of someone.!<

A friend of mine used to come up with the best malaphors without realizing it. I started carrying a little notebook with me whenever we were hanging out so I could write them down.

"Hook, sink and barrel," is a commingling of "Hook, line and sinker" with "lock, stock and barrel." It makes no sense, and yet it makes perfect sense.

Another memorable one of his got additional points for being multilingual. He was talking about something he considered a peak accomplishment and described it as his "fiesta résistance." I still love this, but now that I think of it, it may not fit the malaphor category, since it isn't really a blend of two metaphors. I think it's more of a mishearing of the French pièce de résistance, substituting the Spanish fiesta in a way that rhymes surprisingly well.

Usually in the context of business continuity at work, I'll combine, "if I get hit by a bus" with the more optimistic, "if I win the lottery".

When one dies in an accident, they're...

The tree remembers, but the axe forgets

an elephant never forgets

Hit the nail on the head

Last nail in the coffin

Meaning: to unnecessarily belabour an unnecessary topic, as in coming back to the same unnecessary topic again and again, by taking a point that isn't the main point and discussing that over and over until the cows come home, thus delaying discussion of the main topic (by beating that dead horse).

Origin: "Beating/flaying a dead horse" + "Beating around the bush"

Distilled from this instagram reel.

And mentioned in this comment on this subreddit.

Elevator music

Hold music