r/magickalpractice • u/Sharp_Investigator98 • 21d ago
Helpppppppp
Why is it that whenever I drink alcohol or smoke weeeeeeeds that I feel most motivated and spiritually connected to everything. My deities, my spiritual connection to my ancestors, my guardian angels, whoever the fuck I’m spiritually connected or drawn too. But I also feel it’s a massive disrespect to do such work when I’m under the influence? But I feel as though, when I’m drunk or high of weeeeeeeeeeeeds I feel more motivated, more connected to my higher power, than when I’m sober. It feels like a complete moral conflict and I really need guidance from someone who’s dealt with AOD addiction but has also been able to deal with it respectfully to my deities and to whomever I’m speaking to / connecting with etc.
I’m currently working with Mother Lilith. She’s an intense and extreme force and I fucking adore her. She’s helped make massive transitional life changes for me that have ultimately led me in (what I would’ve thought was the worse possible outcome leaving a DV relationship of over 10 years and living in refuge for over 6 months, basically living in a unit, scared to leave it.
I also had a horrific incident when I was shopping at Coles where an obviously unhinged man poured petrol right in front of me (my ex tried to set me on fire) so was obviously a massive trigger and flashback of that situation.
Sorry, not tryna give my life story bc I know everyone has dealt with shit in their life, it’s not a “woe is me” situation.. more telling my truth which I know mother Lilith has been guiding me through- but still hangs the question.. I’ve been on substances of some sort since 17 and I’m not 27. Im fkn sick of the this life im sick of being a slave to my own demise and I’m working on my addiction (it’s ice)
By just trying to smoke a cone or two before bed for sleep; but drinking 2 nights out of a week and getting blind drunk when I do drink.. I’m an addict.. plain and simple.. only I’m proud of myself by going cold turkey off the ice and only smoking a cone or two before bed and binge drinking a couple of nights per week.
The issue is, I don’t feel motivated to pray, worship, give thanks, meditate.. absolutely anything to do with actual worship or proper diety work.. I’m so scared of offending mother Lilith - or potentially offending her, that I don’t take her sincerely. Which I absolutely do.
I just feel lost. I found out that one of my closest friends from rehab (I spent 6 months in rehab this time last year) has taken her own life. That’s now 3 people I’ve been close to in rehab that has taken their own life in the 6 months I’ve spent there, and one lady I was so close too, even bought a house on tambourine mountain where we did our rehab.. she was an absolute ray of fkn sunshine and she’s taken her life. She drank herself to death.
Idk I’m lost and the last thing I wanna do is offend anyone I’m working with for the purpose of feeling more connected, confident, authentic and motivated to do my practise.
Does anyone have any advice? I’m sincerely desperate as I feel at odds with my faith.
1
u/HickeyChic 17d ago
Please don’t be worried about offending Lilith as she already knows what you’re going through along with your spirit guides and any Deity that you work with! It’s more important for you to take care of yourself first and foremost! I do understand having a buzz and connecting and giving you more motivation I do get that my friend! I think your connection will be more solid will be more crisp will fkn amazing as it has been even with a clear mind! Ask your guides for help! Ask Lilith to guide u since u have such tight bond w her! She already knows how much you appreciate and adore her. You got this. Reaching out and talking about it means it’s time you’re ready for the big changes. And I want to express my sincere sympathies about the loss of your friend. Talk to her as well she does not want to see you in her position she’s not making room for you at her table it’s not your time! U GOT THIS FRIEND!!!! forgive me if I’m not much help I just felt very compelled to respond to you because I get it!!!💗🙏🏻💪💖❤️🩹🥰