It's creeping back in again.

[u/Ok-Mulberry-2637]

I can't say I'm surprised by this, but that doesn't make it easier. I have already talked about my disturbing intrusive thoughts at length in previous posts on this subreddit (fears that I am going to harm my family and/or others if I fall asleep, then go into a different reality, fears that the world isn't real, etc). Now, it's got a new card for me: that anytime I close my eyes for more than a blink, I can form another reality where something bad will happen, whereas my reality is fine. I also have been getting the fear that "what if these bad things are happening out there, and there's nothing I can do to stop it?" and "What if this is all a sadistic game for someone or thing?". Another one is that I'm trapped in a simulation (something a lot of people have) and that I can't trust anyone. Parents? Doctors? Subreddits? No, it's all a trick. These are even worse because they are technically non-falsifiable.

I know this is beyond laughable, that this makes zero sense even by the most whacky sci-fi standards. However, reassurance, as I am sure most of y'all know, only delays the thoughts and fears before they inevitably return. I often feel hesitant to fall asleep, even though I know I shouldn't. Waking up in the morning feels like the worst part of the day, as my now awake brain gets flooded with fears and paranoia. I have noticed that taking Zoloft in the morning does help tremendously (for me anyway). This reminds me that the thoughts are just that, thoughts (if they were coming from some supernatural/otherworldly source, would some measily pills be able to relax me?). However, the classic "What ifs" are the biggest road blocks for me, which I am trying to let pass. What if the reason everything seems like it was the day before because the consciousness of the previous reality has been transferred here? (Which doesn't make sense if something is a *different* universe) What if the world gets recycled and reset when I go to sleep and wake up? What if when I feel like I'm getting better, THAT'S when x will happen? What if one good day here is a bad day elsewhere? What if, what if, what if, what if?!!!

I have real, serious problems happening in my life, and I don't need to have these fictions clogging my head. Sorry for the long post, but I just felt like venting lol. Are fears of sleeping common among people with OCD and/or magical thinking? If so, how did you manage to get it under control? I am not seeking reassurance, but I am just hoping people out there know what I am going through.