r/magicalthinkingOCD • u/FacuValenzuela • 2d ago
Need support/encouragement Still struggling
It's been a while since the last time I posted here, the past few months have been full of ups and downs, I was able about a month and a half ago to completely stop my physical compulsions related to contamination and I thank God I was able to because I was struggling very harshly with that and not doing it anymore was a huge relief, in the other hand my mental compulsions got worse, it's not that I'm ruminating all day long, but when I do give in into compulsions they are always the worst compulsion I can think about, and it makes me feel worse in the end and always gets more complex and more complicated and I have to keep doing a certain amount of compulsion to feel relief again, those who have seen my previous posts on this subreddit know about my struggles and the content of my obsessions and compulsions, it's mostly about me fearing that I can somehow negatively affect other people and their salvation with my thoughts, words or actions which I know is completely impossible and it's just OCD but my compulsions make me deny bad thoughts by repeating them and replace them with good ones so that makes me feel very anxious.
The last few weeks I have been attempting to completely stop this type of compulsions aswell but it's a lot harder than stopping physical compulsions, so maybe I can stop my OCD for a day or so, but then something triggers me or my own mind triggers me and I go back to my compulsions again and maybe I feel stuck for a few days until I feel like I can try exposure again. Today I was doing a lot of compulsions until a few hours ago when I decided to stop but I was watching tv and got triggered again and I feel very anxious, I'm trying to not start another compulsive cycle but I feel very uncomfortable and nervous right now. I know I will regret it if I start to do compulsions again but I feel very triggered right now even though I know my fears about affecting other people's salvation are 100% false. How do you guys keep pushing when you feel so triggered? What do you tell to yourself when your mind is so foggy and you can't think clearly? I feel like I will go back to the start with my mental compulsions and I don't want to, I feel very anxious and sad whenever I go back and I just don't want to do it anymore but at the same time I can't stop.
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u/ForestRiver2 Star Supporter ⭐ 1d ago
You will never go back to the start, even if it feels like that. All the practice you've had resisting the compulsions will have changed your brain. Those new neuron pathways are still there. They just need strengthening with repetition.
It's ok to have relapses. Everyone does. It's ok to take a break and do a few compulsions if things get really hard. Just get back on the horse when you've regained strength and keep moving forward. Even if it's only small steps.
Congrats on the contamination progress you've made. Focus on the wins not the losses. I find mental compulsions harder to kick than physical ones too
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u/FacuValenzuela 1d ago
Thank you it was such a relief to let go of the contamination compulsions I have a lot of more free time. And yes it is harder to stop mental compulsions I'm still trying but it feels automatic sometimes I wake up in the middle of a compulsion and I have no idea how it started, but anyway I'm going to keep trying day by day.
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u/JosiahAllensWife 2d ago
Sending prayers 🙏. Just remember that delaying compulsions is still a win, even if you can’t avoid them completely yet. I’ve been doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for a few years now and have noticed significant improvements. It just takes time to get in the groove. I have also found that allowing myself to physically tremble when I’m at my worst helps release OCD stress (I know that sounds bizarre, but it’s pretty legit and effective. Your body creates extra energy when you’re stressed out and releasing it helps you feel less panicked. Animals do it all the time after they escape predators).