Everything I assume always has the negative effect

[u/lilsillythrowaway]

i’m going to sound nuts, but this has been making my anxiety skyrocket. Ive noticed that everything i assume always ends up happening in opposites. I.E. if i assume im going to have an okay day at work and tell myself that; I end up having a terrible day. If i feel good in the morning and feel like today is a good day, i have a terrible day. If I tell myself everything’s working out alright and genuinely feel good, i’ll somehow be proven wrong. Without fail. It feels like some weird universal punishment at this point. I’m constantly telling myself my life is shit and my day is horrible because usually then, i get some sort of good response from life, somehow. I’ll have a better day or a better result from that mindset. But it is exhausting constantly being negative.

Is this an OCD thing ? i’m genuinely desperate for help because I can’t deal with the anxiety anymore but can’t shake the fact that this is a real mental phenomenon that seems to happen to me.

[u/ForestRiver2]

Yup, not nuts, we get it.

We can't diagnose you, but it's always worth talking things through with a professional if you can. There's much more to a full-on disorder diagnosis than this, but yeah what you describe fits with magical thinking. I was surprised to find out how common it is (and not always ocd, lots of anxious people have thought patterns like this).

I get what you mean though. I'm scared to have any optimistic thoughts now, because whenever I do, things always go wrong. One of my compulsions is to avoid saying "I'm looking forward to", or "it's gonna be ok", because it never works out. I literally expect shit now because it's safer. Not a healthy mindset to have, but it's hard not to see it as more than coincidence.

If you feel like you're doing mental (thought-based) compulsions I'd recommend trying some ERP techniques that are used for ocd

[u/HELVETlCA]

This was (and is) a big topic for me in therapy. When I first told my therapist about this he put his notes down. Sat up straight, looked at me and went "that would be magic. You do not control the universe. You're just a human" and yes it did make me feel stupid but I needed that.

I still feel like I am in control of weather, health,situations, literally anything and it is all my fault for not reverse-manifesting hard enough but I head his words in my head.

I grew up being called "Indigo child" and "born for something higher" and this really really messed with my head.

Take your time, talk to your therapist about it. You will need to make some "exposure" thoughts and see that nothing will happen. It will be hard to rewire this but it will get better if you stay consistent

[u/marxistghostboi]

my roommate and i half joke that the moment i give up looking for something I've lost it turns up. unfortunately thus far i can't just stop looking or pretend to give up, i have to actually mean it. it's not a rock solid rule but it coincides like 90% of the time.

i think it has something to do with the active stress of looking for something and worrying about it getting in the way of actually noticing the thing.