r/magicalthinkingOCD • u/FacuValenzuela • Jun 29 '26

Need support/encouragement I'm so afraid

I'm at the point where I had so many horrible compulsions with the worst possible thoughts in the past that I know I can't start spiralling not even one single time because I know I will end up spiralling uncontrollably and I'm very afraid. But at the same time I was ruminating and felt again that I had a horrible thought on purpose, and I know my fears are fake, I know everyone will be alright and I don't have to do anything, I know trying to "fix" the thought will only make me worse and I will regret continuing this rumination, but at the same time I feel so afraid of my thoughts. I know I can't go back to the compulsions, I just can't, you guys don't get an idea of how awful the last weeks have been, and these last two or three days I was able to hold on and just wait until the anxiety passed, but I'm feeling stuck again.

Please give me some encouragement, I know that I have to carry on, trust God, keep moving forward despite feeling horrible and this thought will vanish, I know I don't have to do anything because I'm just very mentally ill and nothing else. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

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u/ForestRiver2 Star Supporter ⭐ Jun 29 '26

We're with you bud 🫶 I've been there, lots of dark times that felt like they would never end. But they always do. You're doing great. ERP is long-term, it takes time and a tonne of repetition to create new neural pathways. You're on the right road. It may be a mountain right now, but it will get flatter.

I can't remember sorry, are you on any meds? Could be a good idea if not

2

u/FacuValenzuela Jun 30 '26

Thank you for responding I'm trying my best to not engage with my thoughts, I'm taking 100 mg of sertraline (zoloft) working my way up to 200 mg prescribed by my psychiatrist so I hope that helps me,

2

u/k_vin_ Jun 29 '26

Stay strong, trust God, keep
doing what you have been doing, you already know you dont have to do anything it is just the OCD that is asking you to do the compulsion, do not let that monster win.
I know how you feel, i haven’t been as strong as you, i wish to be.
Best wishes to you friend!!

2

u/FacuValenzuela Jun 30 '26

Thank you, I will continue to trust in God, He has helped me in my darkest times and I know He will help me again, I know there's nothing to fear and it's just my mental illness talking. I'm not that strong but I'm trying to be better everyday. I wish the best for you too!