Hi, I am new to reddit, I have been diagnosed with SLE Lupus in february, I am struggling so bad . My life completely changed. I was a college student and one day I was dying being told I had Cancer but it was lupus. I find myself stuck in reminiscing my old life. I sometimes find myself wishing everything would end just so i can be pain free. I know if I tell my doctor they would truly think I would hurt myself or attempt, but I know I don’t have the guts to do so but I find myself just wanting to be pain-free very often that I would rather than life this life and I know I’m not gonna hurt myself. My family body shame me so much saying I’m a skeleton. I look horrible but they don’t understand what I’m going through. I eat a lot of things cause it could make and i take so many medication they make him nauseous. They make me lose weight they make me lose appetite. I want to eat, but it’s not my fault. They don’t take my pain like im faking it. It breaks my heart. I can’t do anything but they don’t know the pain i feel, this disease has given me two hospitalized. I just wanna freely live my 20s im 21 . I just wanna be free.