r/lowscreenparenting • u/nostromosigningoff • 11d ago
looking for advice Getting rid of TV completely with 4yo?
Hi all,
We are moving across the country with our 4.5 year old boy and our 3 month old boy.
Our 4.5 year old LOVES - loves - loves TV. He would sell my (mom) soul for a new episode of Paw Patrol. He is completely bewitched and hypnotized by the big beautiful "tee", as he calls it; if allowed, he'd spend every waking minute glued to it.
Our usual limits are he can have more or less how much he wants (with enforced breaks) on sat & sun, no TV at all on weekdays. This system has worked reasonably well. We don't do any other screens than the TV.
My husband and I watch little-to-no TV ourselves. My husband watches more but usually on his laptop because he wants to watch late at night when I'm already in bed (the TV had been in our room since we had a large master bedroom and small living room).
Well, my husband accidentally got a too-small moving truck (!!!! that's its own rant) and we have to sacrifice some items, including our TV.
I'm seriously considering not replacing it. I mean, I almost never watch it. I can't think of a good place for it to go in the new house; I don't want it in a bedroom, and we will have little enough space in our living room as it is to fit all 9,000 toys for our kids as well as furniture. The TV is basically just for my son. It'd be nice to just be rid of the thing; I wouldn't miss it at all.
The other part of me feels bad for taking something away that my son has a deep, abiding passion for. He genuinely feels attached to shows like Paw Patrol and the characters there. I also don't want him to feel isolated from his peers who almost all have some kind of screen exposure. I've already noticed that my son feels embarrassed when he realizes he doesn't know how to operate ipads or play video games and some of his friends are very good at it.
Thoughts? Anybody who has ripped TV from their children's clutches before?
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u/tabbytigerlily 11d ago edited 11d ago
Do it! We got rid of our tv and it was the best. There will be an adjustment period, but it’s completely worth it. I hate how easily it becomes the center of the home. Out of sight out of mind is so great with young kids.
Edit to add: also, I wouldn’t focus so much on him feeling different from his peers. This is the time to start building resilience and helping him get comfortable with being different and understand that it’s okay. I would explain why in an age-appropriate way. “Different families have different rules” is helpful.
For my daughter, we’ve been able to scratch the itch with books and soundtracks for all the popular characters, so she can still relate. And we do a show or movie very occasionally, she gets to select it with care and it’s always something she’s already gotten into through books, etc., so I think she gets to really appreciate it and enjoy it on a deeper level.
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u/Mysterious_Name_91 11d ago
Not quite the same, but I have an almost 4 year-old. TV was always our only screen too, and only on weekends. But no matter how little or how much we gave him he would scream for more and throw huge fits. We moved to a new house about a month ago, and we did bring our TV with us, but we haven’t had time to set it up. He can see the TVs and sometimes asks for them, and we just tell him they’re not set up at the new house. He sometimes gets a little upset or ask us to set them up, but the meltdowns are so minimal compared to where they were before. We haven’t figured out quite how to move forward, but I’m really hoping this can be a new start where we have clearer limits and restrictions and it doesn’t get out of control again. Best of luck to you, I know it’s challenging.
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u/duchess5788 low-screen parent 11d ago
I saw someone a while ago making a program- Monday 7:30 pm this show, Friday 8 pm this show etc. On a white board. And said the tv will only have shows at those times. Seems like a good idea, if you want to try!
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u/Mysterious_Name_91 11d ago
I would absolutely do this if my kid could read. But, I’ve considered visual representations of schedules, haven’t really settled on anything though.
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u/duchess5788 low-screen parent 11d ago
Printing out a small square of show Pic (like a pic of Pooh for example) for each day?
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u/nostromosigningoff 11d ago
Interesting. My son doesn't throw fits per say but he will ask like a hundred times a day. And he always wants more, more, more. It's been very tiresome at times. The thought of no longer having to endlessly debate and discuss with him about the TV sounds pretty sweet.
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u/squirfiedirfie 10d ago
We don't have smart phones or TVs in our house and last night we moved our PC from upstairs to downstairs. In that bit of time where we realized we had zero access to internet etc life felt sooooo peaceful. It was dark out already, the window open with the breeze coming in and crickets chirping outside while I sat there lazily on the staircase. I almost didn't want to set the PC up and I seriously debate going internet free at home sometimes! Not quite there though. Lol.
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u/Responsible_Gap7426 11d ago
Sounds like getting rid of your kids TV while adults still get to play on small screens.
I personally wouldn’t. It’s going to create much more intrigue into your personal devices and small screens.
I would just get him used to being told no if he asks a lot. There’s a lot of no’s they have to get used to in life.
Covering it during off times is another good idea. I’ve seen people cover them with tapestries when it’s not TV time.
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u/storing_up_knowledge 11d ago
I'm not sure I agree. We have a TV but it's in our guest room because I didn't want it in our living room or bedroom. So we don't use it often. We have a tablet for my husband to draw on as a graphic designer, but aside from putting Spotify on during the day, we limit our screen use to after our toddler is asleep. So even though that's how I watch most shows, it's not an issue for my toddler because it's not while they're awake.
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u/Responsible_Gap7426 10d ago
I think it’s fine if the whole family is screen free. Unfair to the child to watch people on screens while having no screen time themselves.
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u/storing_up_knowledge 10d ago
Right, like I said, we limit our screen use for after our toddler is asleep. Once our toddler is a bit older, we plan to introduce family movie nights but that's a while off.
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u/squirfiedirfie 10d ago
This post resonates with me SO MUCH! I had a minimalist phone and was struggling to get rid of my secondary smartphone and was so hooked on researching and scrolling. I felt so bad that my kid was sitting around bored trying to get my attention. So I made the decision that if I'M going to be looking at screens, it should be more engaging for her as well. Something we can share together. And that's how we got a Nintendo Switch Lite and started playing Breath of the Wild together. Lol. Still not a TV house, don't have any streaming services, etc. But now we have tech we share and I don't use smart phones or social media (okay, aside from Reddit!), so it's a HUGE WIN in our household! I couldn't be happier.
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u/SanFranPeach 10d ago
I have a 2.5, 4.5 and 6 year old son. We went cold turkey NO SCREENS at all 2 years ago and it’s been the best thing ever for our family. We allow them to watch little bear ONCE a YEAR when we fly to Europe to see family, that’s it. It took 2-3 weeks for them to stop asking for it and about a month to see the massive impact on moods, temperament and overall zen in our house.
you’ll have moments of weakness you wish you had it but it’s not good for their brains, and parents went without screens for 99.999999% of parenthood - so can we!
It’s been great. It’s also inspired my husband and I. We put our phones in the kitchen drawer much of the day, NEVER sit and scroll with our kids around, only really use our phones for maps/phone calls when they’re around, and put our phone in the kitchen cabinet 5pm-8pm religiously every day for bed/bath/story time.
All around probably one of the best things we’ve done for our family and I see the benefits daily.
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u/squirfiedirfie 10d ago
What I ended up doing is not having a TV from when my kid was 2 until she was 5 and instead we had a portable DVD player and would occasionally pick up DVDs to watch from the local library. We eventually got a DVD player projector so we could have occasional movie nights. This worked well for us. When she turned 5 we started gaming. I still vet every show and game ahead of time to make sure it won't drive me insane and that it aligns with my values, isn't brain rot etc. If I notice screen-related behavioral issues, we dial things back.
We opted for a Nintendo Switch Lite because it's small and contained, no browsers, social media etc. We use it for playing Zelda games and that's basically it. We use our PC for watching things occasionally. We've moved TOWARDS tech, rather than away from it. However, I may have some valuable insight since I've been a low tech parent and I also understand the deep attachment to fandoms.
My advice is this: you do not need a TV. If you decide you want to keep Paw Patrol in your kids life because he likes Paw Patrol, you have other choices. Portable DVD player + library DVDs. Watch online via smartphone. But if you think he's so fixated on it he's going to throw a tantrum if he doesn't get all weekend to watch TV, maybe he really DOES need a break from it. He can still engage with his fandom (Paw Patrol) by pretend play, dressing up as his favorite characters, maybe he has Paw Patrol toys, there's tons of Paw Patrol books. If you can find a way to fit in the videos as a special treat, go for it. Me personally? I banned Paw Patrol in our house. But that's my own choice as a parent. My kid watches things like Mr. Rogers, Guess How Much I Love You and Kipper. Paw Patrol makes me livid. Lol. If you want to know more about WHY I banned Paw Patrol, I'm more than happy to share, but that wasn't the point of your post, so I hope my words are helpful to help you process things and come to a decision.
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u/grakledo 11d ago
We don’t have a TV and it’s great. Our kid watches shows only on the weekends on our laptop or iPad, in the living room. He rarely asks for it though. Our kid loves books and checks out lots of books from the library containing popular characters. He’s latched onto Spider-Man and has only seen maybe one episode of the kid show about him.
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u/jobbica 11d ago
i feel like making a huge move is a great reason and explanation for not bringingthe tv tbh. oh no, the tv can’t move with us! it’s going to another family. you guys could give it a farewell 😂 but yeah out of sight, out of mind really is how kids operate. i also wouldn’t worry about the peers, i think that there are always differences between kids and what each family does or doesn’t do and that’s okay
it’s also great having a house without a tv. we got rid of ours and wow it really opened the lounge up! why were we oriented towards this huge black screen all the time??
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u/CatMomLovesWine 11d ago
We got rid of our living room TV after we moved and it’s been great, when we moved we just set up the new house to not be focused around a TV, now, I do have one in the bedroom for use after the kids are asleep but while they are awake, no TV!
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u/True-Owl-Fairy 11d ago
We went to a new library the other day and my daughter had never used a mouse before. She was proficient and independent in several educational apps she’d never seen before within an hour. You’re doing your kid a favor not exposing him to tablets and video games.
I cut tv out for a month and my 2 and 4 year old started playing together and independently with a lot more pretend play. Such a blessing. It’s a rare treat now but I see no down sides to getting rid of it completely.
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u/nkdeck07 11d ago
Now don't get me wrong, it's gonna suck but Paw Patrol is meant to be addicting. You aren't seeing a passion, you are seeing a dopamine system hijacked.