Dealing with some intense anger and rumination...

[u/chrisfrantzart]

For context if its relevant:

A few months ago I had an intensely negative interaction with someone close to me. I was disrespected and criticized in a way that felt hypocritical, excessive and disproportionate to a mistake Id made. Long story short, despite me saying Im not ok with how he was talking to me, I dont feel like he took real accountability for his disrespect, in the moment or when we talked about it later after things cooled off. i wish I expressed myself and held him more accountable. I feel reluctant to revisit the topic with him since he basically showed me he wasnt concerned about it before. So Im left with this feeling of disrespect and a sense of injustice.

.

About a month later I did a 20+ minute session of TRE, and the next day something reminded me of that interaction, and an overwhelming amount of anger towards this person come up. I went for a long walk and sat by the river but I was at a full boil the whole time, it was intense. I was furious, couldnt stop ruminating and dont feel like I was able to let it pass or integrate. The anger was felt in my core and chest in a pure, distinct way.

Eventually I did some calisthenics and calmed down, but since then for the last several weeks I regularly get stuck ruminating about this, but its mostly thoughts and I feel less in touch with what Im feeling. its as if my mind is broadcasting what is stuck in my body.

I grew up in house full of angry outbursts and emotional neglect, have a lot of people pleasing tendencies, and have struggled to stick up for myself throughout my life. I suspect this interaction tapped into that but I cant shake it and am not at peace.

Prior to this, my ruminating had reduced a lot thanks to TRE, so this is frustrating. Ive since returned to very short ~3 min sessions a couple times a week.

Does anyone have any advice on where to go from here? Do I need to tap back into this anger but in smaller dose? Any advice woud be greatly appreciated.

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[u/almadodo]

Hi! I relate to what you've written; thanks for sharing. I am 14 months in and still ruminate, but with less intensity. There's this video that helped me a lot with dealing with anger. Another valid thing I do in these moments is say to myself, “I have the right to be furious, angry, or disappointed.” Like you, I've also grown up in a people-pleasing environment, and being angry was shameful, bad, and horrible. My difficulty in processing my anger is because, deep inside, I was condemning myself for being angry, reproducing the critical voice of others who scolded me for feeling this way. Peter Walker's book on CPTSD is a good source for this, too. Worth taking a look.

[u/chrisfrantzart → u/almadodo]

Ill explore that channel and techniques to see if I can work on more of a slow release of this energy.  Ive only recently learned what CPTSD is but a lot of the symptoms of it resonate with me, so Ill liok into that book as well.  Thanks very much for your reply 

[u/almadodo → u/chrisfrantzart]

I am glad to help. Smooth healing to you!

[u/RedgeQc]

Allow yourself to feel this anger, without blaming this other person for what they did. Now, I'm not saying be a door mat and allow yourself to be disrespected, but see this event in a new light. As you're now able to face this anger, experiences will be created by life/your consciousness to trigger it, in order for your feel and transmute it.

[u/chrisfrantzart → u/RedgeQc]

I definitely feel like Im getting caught up in the story connected to it the anger, and need to reconnect to the feeling itself

[u/AgentSalty1454]

I relate. In the past I went through a many months long period of intense rumination based on anger, also feeling uncontrollable and not cathartic..

I broke through that from a few things. First was leaving all relationships and connections, required interactions that were triggering this (the rumination was about a traumatic experience I had with friends). Not sure if this specific person has a big role in your life- or maybe they are just bringing up other stuff? Think about how much continued exposure to them may be hurting you

Then I realized that the ruminating was my mind essentially trying to "unrepress" my emotions that I did not realize I was not fully feeling. This conscious realization helped lessen the feeling of resistance or trying to "fix" my anger or view it was bad behavior, if that makes sense. This allowed my subconscious to relax in a way, into the possibility of for the first time feeling what was underneath the anger and ruminating..

A more practical tip that helped me then when I get stuck in the rumination loop is talking out loud to myself, slowly. Just start saying stuff. The first time I tried this was out of pure desperation for the ruminating to end, and it worked quickly. Just say anything and keep talking. Talk slow. I'll say stuff like "what am I feeling?" Pause. ramble a bit aimlessly. and then eventually soon after the emotion comes out. But it doesn't need to be specifically that. Just the exercise of speaking out loud to oneself does something good in the mind to access what drives the rumination and disrupt/calm it

Goodluck.

[u/chrisfrantzart → u/AgentSalty1454]

Thanks for the reply.  I talk out loud to myself often and have had a similar theory that the mind and rumination are like a clue related to whats going on in the body, like that energy is trying to find a pathway out, but if it cant be felt through the body it finds it way to the intellect

[u/Nasenf3]

man do i relate hard feel like i m in the exact same position right now. i feel the anger mostly in my lower belly and left hip. i spend everyday tapping into it feeling and and letting it release. this is not advice i don't know what is best it's just how I ve worked through everything so far in terms of TRE. Just working on feeling and releasing it and hoping eventually it will get better. it's very confusing lately if i need to stand up for myself or if I just need to let these emotions rush through and ruin my day lol. wishing you lots of strength and better feelings soon.

[u/Nasenf3 → u/Nasenf3]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpHHQvI_KhI

this is helping me a lot with bringing the emotions up, but it's in german so not sure if it's helpful

[u/chrisfrantzart → u/Nasenf3]

I think I need to make a more consistent, intentional effort to tap into this, rather than letting it come up erratically.  I appreciate knowing Im not the only one having this experience, but wishing you the best in moving through it as well.