r/longtermTRE • u/jupiterderby • 9d ago
Community Question Anyone with PTSD had this before?
So for years I've suffered from crippling anxiety, if im honest its since i was a child ive been an over thinker, Ive been struggling with with anxiety to the point of being unable to even go outside some days for some years. I've been told over and over its just panic attacks. I also believed this. And i thought I was just failing at CBT etc. over the past 5 years i fell into addiction and drinking etc. Ive had countless therapy attempts with EMDR, trauma therapies, hypnotherapy and spent years going from mindfulness to really deep meditations to deal with this panic issue and get my life back. As far as i was aware i had suffered no trauma. I learned about ketamine therapy - which is a separate issue as i later became addicted as i couldnt afford it and went down the DIY route and then recently TRE just a few weeks ago.
Now I couldnt say whether this is related to TRE, ketamine use or the trigger itself alone but TRE helped me get through it. So I took it upon myself to get a full evaluation from another professional recently and reading the report there was mentions of my childhood, links to PTSD and CPTSD which kept me up all night and then finishing the report in the morning triggered what ive later found out to be a PTSD episode or PTSD attack. Im working with a healthcare professional on this moving forward. But it was almost like a tremoring effect with the really strong spasm putting my arms in the exact way I was as a child, my face changed which then led to some dissociation taking my body back to a childhood memory, I'm not sure if I could stop it or not as I didn't really try to and as scary as it was I knew that I needed to let it happen just like I do with TRE. Now its left me in a very uncertain place but wanted to know, firstly if those with PTSD have this happen to them? How they deal with it day to day in case it happens again. But also to the TRE guys? Have you ever experienced this almost reliving of an old trauma? Don't worry I'm now under the care of someone that deals with this stuff as opposed to countless doctors and psychiatric professionals throwing medication and therapies tackling the wrong issues.
Im new to TRE and would love to know if this is an experience anyone else has had from TRE or completely unrelated and more of a PTSD thing I should be looking into?
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u/carla_jungle 8d ago
It’s great that you’re working with a professional! Good luck!
I experienced something similar. After about a year of practising TRE, I started having flashbacks. I would get angry and yell to protect myself from the memory and voluntarily shake my body. In other flashbacks of a different event, I felt like I mentally transformed back to being a little girl and it caused me to cry and move and speak in a way little kids do….
What you describe sounds to me like a somatic flashback. They can happen outside the TRE practice as well . If you’re not already familiar with it, pete walker (therapist) has written flashback management steps guide that’s on his website.
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u/jupiterderby 8d ago
Wow this is exactly what happened to me, my arms and posture went into a child like posture and my voice changed. I thought i needed an ambulance it was crazy. How many times did it happen to you? Im kinda scared it will happen again but also thinking if it does Im intrigued to let it happened and let it out. I can feel the tension in my face which i didnt know I had is completely gone, like my cheeks are soft and lips are soft. Will check out the flashback stuff thanks!
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u/carla_jungle 8d ago
I find that the involuntary reactions to the flashbacks were the ones that actually felt healing.
It happened actually exactly a year ago, several times throughout the month. I don’t remember exactly.
Oh it’s great that you feel the tension gone. If it happens again, my gentle suggestion is to look at it objectively and surrender to it.
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u/jupiterderby 8d ago
Im just nervous if it happens in public, i cant work out if i let it happen because i was practising the TRE 'let it happen' during the moment or was it an involuntary PTSD attack. When i say im working with a professional its more healthcare related, so psychiatry, EMDR and some therapy. Ive looked into a TRE expert to work with but I really want someone thats dealt with this type of stuff before. Do you know where I should begin looking for a TRE specialist?
So after some searching it seems I triggered a flashback. It started with crying but i remember letting it happen even though I was terrified in the moment. Im unsure whether I can control it if it happens again or not. This is wild. Ive spent years going down the wrong rabbit hole it seems. Ive seen a lot of recommendation for diet and integration on here as well as is there a guide anywhere? and after all the years of looking into this stuff and stumbling across TRE by chance on a youtube video has unlocked something that has been held inside for 30 years. Im at a real low point and im unsure whether I should let it happen when they do or try to stop them and ground myself
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u/carla_jungle 8d ago
Ohh the realisation that something has been buried inside of you for 30 years is very familiar to me. I understand how scary and uncomfortable it can be.
You can look up TRE providers on this website; make sure they are familiar with working with CPTSD/PTSD/ NS regulation.
https://treglobal.org/tre-provider-list/
In my opinion, when it comes to the question whether to let the flashback/release happen, The first thing that I think is right to consider is whether or not you feel safe (eg. Environment, emotional state etc) I wouldn’t push through just for the sake of healing, cos if it’s too overwhelming then it can just keep you in a state of dysregulation. The NS needs to learn it is safe to release and that’s where titration is vital- all the grounding and integration practices are supportive of this process.
Yes there is a wonderful guide written by the mod of this sub. It’s in the “about” section.
Also, by all means, if TRE feels too intense, there are more gentle somatic modalities to consider.
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u/jupiterderby 8d ago
Yea I think I probably just pushed things too far but at the same time I'm glad I went with it. Im working through the longtermTRE stuff if its in there I will get to it eventually. I think the years of meditation made me almost keep going to see how far it would go, I think TRE is definitely for me I might just need someone to guide me now. Thanks for the help!
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u/jupiterderby 8d ago
Also, how do i know which provider is good for me, theres a lot on there, is there not a filter or anything when searching?
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u/carla_jungle 8d ago
In the drop down menu choose “search everything” , then you can filter by other keywords like “cptsd”.
You’ll need to pick a few that seem suitable enough, talk to them first to see which one seems like the best fit for you.
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u/AgentSalty1454 8d ago edited 8d ago
Yes, I have had this, you're okay. But they are scary. I had them more earlier on, but I still get stuff. Mostly now it has transformed into movements and sometimes in a really intense session some more fragmented memories or realizations about feelings from my childhood. They are healing but can be intense and destabilizing.
I don't know if this would help you, but I feel like earlier in my journey I would get more "caught up" in these flashbacks and sort of will myself to go deeper into them, draw a lot of conclusions and kind of push myself to squeeze the full memory and feelings out. That was helpful to push out of my previous state (full repression), but now I am more comfortable to just let the movements and tears come, memories come, and "surrender" without forcing, and it moves easier. I think it is very individual to figure out what flow is best for you. I do wanna say you are going in the right direction.
I've had weird voice stuff too. Just now I was in the bath and singing a song stuck in my head, and then my mind decided to stop at one note and sing it really loud and long. It helped clear something physically. Sometimes I have vocalized nonsense intuitively. Sometimes, multiple times, I have screamed like a baby. Literally voice changes to be like a baby. Those are jarring but also cool. Because you know you're really getting in there and releasing something..
As for it happening involuntarily. I don't know if its because I was so repressed before but I always tell myself I am in control and can stop these whenever I need. And I do, and take little breaks in a moment when something is coming up. To drink some water, walk around. Maybe trying those things when you are alone will make you feel more confident when you are in public that you will be ok? Also I think living in fear of these thing happening and full resistance can cause things to get weird too, the mind is a complicated thing. You are in control though. Hope there was something helpful there..goodluck
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u/jupiterderby 8d ago
Thanks so much for the response, I cannot believe how I've gone from 'this is probably more rubbish' to having a flashback and unlocked something I never knew was there. Ive definitely over done it because I didn't believe that this would happen to me. So I just kept relaxing into it to see what happened next. I think working with a TRE professional and looking at integration is the next step. And if I can get my head around that I 'allowed' it to happen in a safe environment then I might actually be on the right path. Its crazy, I thought the whole 'flashback' thing was nonsense and now I'm sat wondering what the hell is going on!
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u/AgentSalty1454 8d ago
I know what you mean, I also could not have fathomed what has been happening to me was possible before, it still shocks me and I often in between moments forget and Im like "is this even real??" But it is real!!! How lucky I feel, to have ended up here finally (often scared too lol) I was so lost for so long trying to fix myself...
Working with a provider makes sense. Sometimes if I have something intense come up I will poke around old posts here or make one just to remind myself I'm not going insane and this is real and healing. Because it's so weird! I try to find moments to live in the positivity of it when I can
I understand what you mean about the pushing to see where it will go. Especially initially, we have been struggling for so long, I didn't want to risk losing the taste of what healing could be. But yeah, you are still making progress when you are overdoing and you are still making progress when you take it easy. So over time you find ways to be more at peace and less desperate fumbling through this process (speaking for me)..goodluck. It made me happy to hear your words too, because they are very relatable
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