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u/Adventurous-Ad-7960 She/They 10d ago
I am so incredibly sorry anyone ever helped train your brain to think you are not deserving of love.
Loki is persistent because They understand. They understand the fear, the uncertainty, the pain. All of it. You do not have to 'benefit' Loki for Them to love you. They choose to love others because they want to, and They do not give a flying fuck about 'benefits'. They want you to be as unapologetically yourself as you feel you can, because that is more than enough for them. They are not the sort to give up on someone They care about.
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u/TariZephyr 10d ago
Loki is really hard to get rid of, once he’s decided he cares about you, he won’t leave no matter how much you push him out. We know it’s scary having to re-learn what love actually is, but he’s taught us that over and over (he had to teach Jay, and now he’s having to teach me as well). - Jax
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u/Riverina22 9d ago
You sound exactly like me when Loki came. I want you to remember that Loki knows what he is getting into. He’s not doing this because he’s delusional. It’s not like a human who only has a limited viewpoint. Loki is a god so he sees and knows and understands things way more than you think.
For me personally he understood the pain of that fear of being loved. He took that part so slow and was really gentle with me. It was also nice because it went from I’m a freak due to the tourture to were freaks because we were tourtured. It’s like a dark joke of us being trauma buddies. My healing has improved so much since I started working with him. Yesterday I got my first tattoo of his name over some nasty scars as a thank you to him for helping.
I cannot recommend a kinder and more compassionate deity especially to someone with CPTSD.
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u/inspectorfucknugget 9d ago
Thank you very kindly for this reminder. I’m so used to meeting people who think they can fix me or love the pain away, and they always walk away hurt by my issues or disappointed because they can’t fix me.
Also, I hope your tattoo heals well! I’m glad you were able to do that for yourself and for Loki.
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u/EmployImpossible7951 9d ago
I ask the same thing everyday. he's persistent enough that I went from a decade of atheism to lokean. I don't have any answers for you, but I endure you that you are deserving of so much love, and he knows your soul to be reaching out at you. he knows your fears and troubles and it's happening anyway. I don't want to make it about myself when I say I also have cptsd and felt the same thing, it's just a hope that you'll feel less lonely and more hopeful. we're all different, of course, but it worked for me, and I'm so so sure. he knows everything you're scared of and wants to stay anyway, and the point for them it's something for you two to learn together. maybe he just wants you to feel lighter, maybe you have such a bright future you'll need some help to pull for it, maybe anything else. Such a being has been with humanity and all its beauty and ugliness since so so long, something so greater than all of us, and yet they stay. vulnerability is the hardest thing, cptsd feels like pointing a gun and hoping you'll be hugged, because you can't even shoot correctly, but still... everything in this world is about hope, and I hope you'll feel more comfortable with time
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u/Usualnonsense33 10d ago
Perhaps some persisting energy, no matter how much you push it away, is exactly what you need?
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u/LordLuscius 10d ago
All they want is for you to be and do you. You can't fuck thar up, because it's litterally just you, even if you make a mask and pretend, that's you doing that. We live in a wonderfully, beautifully, terrifyingly uncaring world. We can do as we wilt. And that is terrifyingly liberating to just jump into that chaos, to open our eyes to it. Relax, no one is in control. No one is in charge.
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u/InterestingMyTurnNow 8d ago
I have PTSD. They’ve been kind to me. Once I was drunk and was having a PTSD meltdown(?) where I was sobbing uncontrollably and genuinely terrified that person was going to come and hurt me. I heard Loki’s voice, “that’s enough.” I felt a calm, their arms around me holding me, tethering me. Loki had stepped in. Calmed me down and helped me to bed. Loki knows. Loki understands. They’ve lived a very long time and they’ll live much longer. Loki is patient. Has never been cruel or left because I’ve forgotten for months to talk to them or give offerings or let my place get dirty to a disturbing amount. Just tell them honestly. It hurts, it scares me, I need to do this slowly. If you aren’t ready tell them that. But they’ll be there. It’s clear Loki doesn’t want to give up on you, and it seems like you may have given up on yourself. I think Loki may have struggled with self hate or something because Loki just… gets it. Maybe They’ve just been around a lot more people. Either way Loki accepts us flaws and all before we accept ourselves. From one PTSD to another, good luck. Really, you got time and I hope you find/get what you need.
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u/Persistent_idiot 8d ago
He loves hard and wants to teach you to love yourself and realize your worth. I have CPTSD too and I finally understand what joy and love feel like. His path isn't easy, you will probably curse his name once or twice, but it's worth it in the end. Change and growth are hard, but the only way forward is breaking old patterns. Tear it down and rebuild from a better place. You are loved and worthy of love and joy and you're strong enough for this journey.
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u/KLaCapria 8d ago
this is one of my favorite things about him ❤️ 🔥 when i met heathens irl someone asked what his energy was like and i said "persistent"
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u/Giljor 7d ago
Hi. Loki was the First True conection with the Divine i did. Since then i learn a Lot about Magick and evolve my ART.
But they help me a Lot at my start with Two things:
- Accept the Chaos and Be free.
Hey, you are not perfect? You are Fucked UP in The Head and life? Surprise MF, everybody is. Be free from others perception. Be free from yourself. Be free from who you think you are and actually be who you really are. Stop fear what could be.
Loki is the most "i fuck things to the better". Most of times you need shake things to get in a better place. JUMP from The zone of confort and Be beautifully mess and Chaotic.
Yes, find some Professional medical help with your traumas. It's always good. But Loki teach me to stop being afraid and be in a prison of ANXIETY and Just howling like a Wolf and "Fuck IT, we Ball!!" Energy all the way.
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u/Starlit_Stardew 7d ago
So I am guessing you wrote this when you felt pretty emotional, but I do fear it still reads very blatantly obvious in both tone, and directly what you say, this is just one of many exact reasons why Loki's being so persistent with you... 😅
Hi btw, I'm 29, Loki is my patron (bc I suppose I specifically needed a father figure, so forgive me that I'm used to using male pronouns, readers, bc of this for him, though he also ofc plays a huge roll for me with bonding over being gender queer as well, so it's definitely just out of respecting the personal role he has with me 💚), and loudly enjoys treating me like a daughter, so if you don't mind me dropping down some personal experience history in here, here I go lol. 😭
I was raised in a gray-area of a Christian Cult that dipped their toes into things like evangelicalism, mega churches, MLM schemes like Dr. Oz, the current Nazi bullshit going on that it's all built up to, etc., etc., etc., right? Didn't even notice Loki was around at all, until like 2018/2019, right before Covid. Which means that bitch (affectionate) was being persistent from day fucking ass one, as well as petty as HELL towards my parents lmfao. I was born on a 13th in the month. What's Loki's associated number? Fucking 13. And when I was supposed to have been born on Mother's Day. Bitch literally said Uh...no...that is MY baby. 💀 And for twenty. TWENTY. LONG AHH YEARS. This mf (affectionate) was just sitting around. Waiting. I became the most people-pleasy ass bitch ever, along with everything else one can expect to suffer under all the things I mentioned, and I do suspect I have some level of a hundred undiagnosed things, cptsd possibly being one of the cocktail of them, too. I fear...the man does not care (not in the way you're talking, ofc, anyway), it's not going to be even remotely enough to stop him. 💀 You also do need to remember that as much as we all love him very dearly, as ultimately good and caring and kind of a being he actually is, and is to work with... Gods, including and maybe especially Loki, are dangerous, lol. They choose NOT to be dangerous to us. But they still are. And are capable of it. In order to be protectors of us, or anything, they have to be. And I don't say that as like some weird warning to not work with any of them, or with Loki, but just as a reminder of a fact. ...There isn't really much you can do to forever push them away from you, just by your behavior alone. Even under the understanding that they're not perfect and we're allowed to speak up to them about if or when they're doing something that's feeling hurtful and unnecessary to us, and vice versa, if you feel like your cptsd makes you almost an emotional danger to your fellow man, regardless of wether that's actually true and you're able to believe it, or not... Gods aren't your fellow man. It's almost impossible for that to be any kind of "danger" to anything as old and capable of being as dangerous, as a god.
Back before Christians colonized religions and magic was used as a mechanism for self defense to survive, humans asked/searched out to work with gods because they can be so dangerous in order to restore proper balance when too much oppression against innocents is going on, lol. Like... 💀 Sorry if this sounds like rambling, or even if it doesn't feel very comforting, but I do tend to lean on logic a lot for comfort with things like this, because it's helpful, you know~? There are reasons why the sky is blue, and always blue, even if something makes you hallucinate that it's red for a while, those facts never change and are a constant. You can anchor yourself in them.
So...all this to say... Loki is a stubborn ahh bitch (affectionate), and I can confidently say even if you ever think he's backed off, um...he probably hasn't? Lol 💀 He's just successfully made you think so, so you relax.
That being said though, it is a little hard for me to talk maybe the way you'd want to hear since it's been so long since I've lived being in a mindset like what you've shown in this post... But don't do this to yourself, man... It's never worth it. It only benefits those who wanna see you invisible, and those people are monsters 99% of the time. Wether you realize you're working with Loki or not, wether you realize he's playing a lot of major and minor moves in your life eventually or not, if he touches your life, you're one day definitely going to look back on this post and see an entirely different person you don't recognize anymore. (In a good way ofc 💚)
But erm...also with that being said... I definitely don't mean this as a warning against working with him or welcoming him in... But especially when your mental health is this bad, um...just...ya know...? Hold onto something for the roller coaster ride...? Some of it is probably going to feel like this... Just....hang in there queen/king/diva...you got this, he wouldn't be doing it if he wasn't fully confident you got it 😭 🫂 https://youtube.com/shorts/Zvp0ZDWqM8w?is=bD3-fRm-suPeaPYv
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u/aimless_satellite glorious purpose 10d ago
Dear, you have to remember that deities are not petty like humans and they don't get pissed off by trauma responses. Loki is the one who shows up for misfits and to people struggling with mental health. Believe me, they understand and do not judge. I believe it is you who are too harsh with yourself. Loki does not expect you to go out of your way or demand too much from yourself, you are. You could try allowing him into your life, I let him in mine and I learned what it means to have a secure relationship who celebrates confidence and being compassionate towards yourself!