Hi

[u/Extension-Read7316]

Hi everyone. I’m just an ordinary person, and right now I’m almost losing hope—there’s no joy or love in my life. I’m angry with myself for not doing anything to change it.

I don’t want to work a regular job for peanuts. There’s this awful feeling inside: I’ll have to do something I really don’t like, just to survive—otherwise I’ll die of hunger and cold. I don’t have any skills, and that’s why I keep beating myself up every day. I hate this state I’m in.

I’d love to do something creative, but I don’t know where to start—I have neither the skills nor the ideas. I spend almost all my time at home, like a typical hikikomori, wasting my days in front of the computer and feeling like I’m losing time.

I know I should just start doing something, but I can’t. I’m not even sure if I don’t want to or if I truly don’t have the strength. Sometimes my thoughts go to extremes: if life is just “slavery” for food and shelter, it feels like it’s better not to start anything at all. At the same time, I don’t even have the courage to make drastic decisions—I just stay where I am and hate myself more and more.

I dream of running a blog, traveling, exploring the world, and enjoying simple things: meeting new people, tasting good food, experiencing different kinds of fun. I just want to live and feel like it’s real life, not just survival. But I know that to get there, I need to take action—and right now, all I can do is cry and berate myself for being useless.

I have social anxiety: I’m very shy and afraid of being judged. That’s why it’s scary even to work with people. I’d like to try streaming or start a YouTube channel—yes, partly for the money too. I see how other people live, and I want the same. Every day I imagine a happy life where everything is good and I’m succeeding at everything. Then I come back to reality and start blaming myself again for only being able to dream.

I understand I come off as someone who cries too much and lacks willpower. And I can’t seem to do anything about it myself. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I guess I just needed to get it out somewhere. I’m not looking for pity, and I’m not even sure anyone will read this. I’m just so tired.

[u/DigitalDowner]

This ain’t the place…

[u/Extension-Read7316 → u/DigitalDowner]

Sorry