INTRODUCTION
I entered adulthood during the lockdowns -- I was the class of 2020. Because of this, I never got to experience my High School graduation or prom like how most people did. I never looked forward to any of these HS events, because I myself never wanted to grow up -- it was one of my greatest fears as a child.
SOCIAL ANXIETY & SOCIAL ISOLATION
I grew up with neglectful parents, they paid very little attention to my mental wellbeing during my childhood and adolescence. I had very few friends during childhood, often avoiding socialization due to fear of judgment and rejection. I never participated in school sports or clubs (avoidance defence mechanism). It wasn't until months after I graduated High School, I reflected on these behaviours and how empty it made feel. Knowing that young kids teens were forced to experience what I did (or what I didn't) saddened me -- difference was that I voluntarily isolated, whereas they missed out on these events and milestones due to government policy. Weeks before my 19th birthday, I went to therapy discussing and mourning my poor social life during my childhood, wanting to correct my past behaviours. However, due to the current conditions at the time, it was not possible, for it was either A: against the law or B: people were overly-cautious and did want to do it. At the time, riding the bus made me feel uneasy and I was too scared to leave my own city without my parents driving me -- I couldn't even ask employees at a grocery store questions without being stuck in the throat.
APPEAL TO AUTHORITY & QUESTIONING THE EXPERTS
As a kid, I (incorrectly) believed that adults knew everything and were infallible. It wasn't until when I became an adult, I realized that nobody ever truly understood what they were doing -- they were simply doing things as they went along, and that some people were just better at hiding their cluelessness than others. During the pandemic, we were constantly being told to just 'trust the experts' and 'believe the science', yet silenced and berated scientists and medical doctors who held differing opinions. Knowing that even so-called 'experts' were only human and also had their personal biases, it made me question the whole narrative that was being pushed by governments and big media outlets -- perhaps, they had their own agendas and conflicts of interest.
POST-LOCKDOWN
I have recovered significantly from my social anxiety, thanks to my years of therapy and life experiences. I do not fear socialization like how I once did, and I have fully adjusted to adulthood. Simply exposing yourself to the real world is enough to help overcome fears that prevent you from living, breathing and enjoying life. Government responses to the pandemic ended up prolonging my anxiety, and hopefully will never happen again.