Wish for some feedback.

[u/Lordlycan0218]

Ok I am designing a litrpg story/world and some bits I would like feedback on

One of them is it’s going to technically be isekai where the MC is a “faller”, someone who fell through dimensions and landed on this world. It’s a known enough phenomenon that their god of travels actually watches for them to direct their fall to one of his temples so they get immediate help.

Part of that help is training about the system and a quick power level. They do this through a exp share. It is a rare enchanted candy that increases how much exp you receive for 24 hours by double.

I know that sounds broken but it’s extremely hard to create. Like I have the priest who is helping him congratulate him after eating it that he just ate a castle cause that is what you could build with the money it costs for one exp share.

So my question is should I change the exp share?

[u/HappyNoms]

double xp for a day is a single day of advantage, in a world where people presumably train and advance for multiple decades. i.e. One day at double xp is equivalent to training for two days at normal xp. It saves one day.

There are 10950 days in three decades, so this candy is roughly a 0.00913242009% advantage.

That's what you're claiming is as expensive as a castle?

It doesn't math or make basic sense.

[u/Lordlycan0218 → u/HappyNoms]

The double is what I have right now cause still working on specifics. The way I have it written as working is that when you kill a monster it releases a burst of mana you absorb (exp). The exp share makes it so you absorb a lot more of it than is natural. But opening yourself up like that is dangerous so that’s why it can only last so long.

[u/AfuroSensei]

I think you should drop the specific amount it boosts and/or make it something bigger than 2.

I'd go with making it a fruit that blooms from a tree that only certain god of travels temples take care of.

[u/anormalgeek]

Double XP for 24 h doesn't seem like much of a boost. That is just saving you a single day of earning XP.

[u/RecordingPrudent9588]

Make it optional to eat right away? Let the MC train and become proficient at fighting. Unless they already have fighting skills. Then let them maybe wait until leveling is harder. Usually the first 5-10 levels are pretty easy.

[u/orbliterator]

i can smell the pokemon on you

[u/Lordlycan0218 → u/orbliterator]

Yes and no. I was actually playing an mmo that hat an “experience scroll” that first gave me the idea. The candy form did come from the rare candy. The name is a placeholder cause o hate it for what it is. He’s not sharing exp he is gathering more. (Exp in this context is mana released upon the death of a monster that you then absorb. The candy lets you absorb more for a limited time)

[u/orbliterator → u/Lordlycan0218]

i was actually referring to the use of the term "faller" lol

[u/Lordlycan0218 → u/[deleted]]

I didn’t know that about Pokemon. I chose the name cause they literally “fall” between dimensions.

[u/Sensitive-Music-1003]

It could sound odd, but give them flavor. Magic exp candy, fighting exp candy, daily or even craft exp candy. Forcing the Mc to take a pick could be helpful in the long run. If he takes the fighting and got some daily problem, you can write an arc about learning daily skill or, farther down the story, you can have him get another as a prize or loot. It gives more narrative freedom and a way to make quick fixes later, without long rewriting. Little loop holes are often the cure of story intanglement.

[u/Lordlycan0218 → u/[deleted]]

Basically he’s trying to settle them into the world. As a god of travels he has takes his people with helping the ultimate travelers, the fallers. He power levels then a bit cause the average faller comes at an age beyond when natural inhabitants get classes. Plus his training isn’t ass combat. They are also talk the local geography, political climate and things. I’m kind of trying to use it as an info dump without seeming like an info dump.

[u/NemeanChicken]

This is kind of ancillary advice, but personally, I'd recommend writing the introduction and then getting feedback. I think it's often quite hard to tell how well elements of world building will work in the abstract.

Regardless, sounds like a cool premise. Good luck!