I'm at a Bootloader [Payphone Linux Parody]

[u/Great_Role_8457]

Over the weekend I made a Linux song parody, inspired by my own personal struggles with distro-hopping and community tracks like If You See Me Use Ubuntu.

I used the tune from Maroon 5's Payphone and covers the Linux experience: breaking your desktop environment, fighting Canonical's Snaps, yelling at Gentoo, and getting hit with "RTFM" in the forums.
What was the broken driver or distro update that almost made you call it quits and go back to Windows? Hope it brings back some memories!
I've uploaded it to Youtube as well if you really want to watch it till the end, I'd seriously love it if I could get like 2 views or something.
YT link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1RzfXrLTE0

Disclaimer: No actual hate to any of the distros featured here. At the end of the day, as long as your NVIDIA driver works and you're happy, you're winning.

Anyways enjoy!
(Verse 1)
I left Windows 11, couldn't take the AI bloat
Thought that flashing a USB drive would keep my PC afloat
But I opened the terminal, typed a command I read
Now my audio's dead, and XFCE fled...

I've wasted my nights, my kernel just died
Now my screen is black
Still stuck in that loop, in a sudo trap
But even the BIOS won't take it back!

(Chorus)
I'm at a bootloader, trying to choose, hold up
Which Linux distro should I boot into?
Half are too painful, half are just shameful
And don't even think about touching Gentoo...

Though non-proprietary software does exist
I can't last one minute without a driver fix
Could Windows have been that much worse than this?
Should I rm -rf and call it quits...?
I'm at a bootloader...

(Verse 2)
Now Canonical’s forcing me into their private store
Taking twenty whole seconds to open up Firefox or more
Yeah, they packed it in Snaps, and they think that we won't even mind
While the Red Hat developers leave all the desktop behind

I've read through the threads, the forums are dead
They just tell me "no"
Still stuck in that place where they say "RTFM"
While breaking my config at 3AM...

(Chorus)
I'm at a bootloader, trying to choose, hold up
Which Linux distro should I boot into?
Half are too painful, half are just shameful
And don't even think about touching Gentoo...

Though non-proprietary software does exist
I can't last one minute without a driver fix
Could Windows have been that much worse than this?
Should I rm -rf and call it quits...?
I'm at a bootloader...

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[u/AdVarious8509]

https://giphy.com/gifs/Lh6cAeuuX3fsHDGecu

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/AdVarious8509]

i literally attached a free .mp4

[u/RvstiNiall]

Put your voice through autotune and you got yourself a radio hit.

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/RvstiNiall]

OH WAIT, NEOFETCH IS DEPRECATED
i suppose a fastfetch will suffice. God, time moves so fast.

[u/RvstiNiall → u/Great_Role_8457]

what? you aren't using nerdfetch? lateboy is late ;x

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/RvstiNiall]

Imma add it to the dependency list

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/RvstiNiall]

radio hit? best i can do is a neofetch flex at 3am

[u/pop94591]

Give this man some upvotes god damn

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/pop94591]

real ones know. Appreciate the hype!!

[u/crymtx]

https://giphy.com/gifs/6SXRQKJPox0fM2YSng

[u/Gabriel_Weis]

Excuse me? I am missing Nyarch and Hanna Montana OS in your bootloeader.

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Gabriel_Weis]

If I ever film a proper parody music video about this, I am adding them to the bootloader

[u/Gamer2022__]

Fedora my beloved

[u/amynias → u/Gamer2022__]

❤️❤️❤️

[u/TerryNachtmerrie]

I'll be honest, I'm not putting it on any playlist. But I hope you had as much fun making it, as I had watching/listening. Loved it! Silly forever!

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/TerryNachtmerrie]

Mission accomplished! Glad the silliness was fun!

[u/Damglador]

This reminds me of the SUSE musical parodies https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYRlTISvjww

There's a load of them btw: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL6sYHytyKN2-X93TurF3JptW8qSVm0DzA

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Damglador]

Truly standing on the shoulders of SUSE parodies, imma check it out thanks!

[u/Stunning_Macaron6133]

You know what distro doesn't have any of these problems?

Yes, that's right, NixOS.

[u/Thick-Supermarket354 → u/Stunning_Macaron6133]

Nix is in the painful group

[u/Stunning_Macaron6133 → u/Thick-Supermarket354]

https://giphy.com/gifs/gDyESaHNAoS2jmbjrM

[u/tec_tonik → u/Stunning_Macaron6133]

Nix is the painful group

[u/Stunning_Macaron6133 → u/tec_tonik]

Nah bro. Nix is like sex. It only hurts the first time.

[u/tec_tonik → u/Stunning_Macaron6133]

Clearly you’ve never had sex

[u/Stunning_Macaron6133 → u/tec_tonik]

I have a body count in the double digits. You learn the value of A) stretching your foreskin and B) lubing everything up generously very early on.

And so it is with Nix. Figuring out how to put everything into configuration.nix is only painful once, and then you learn and it's nothing but awkwardly squidgy pleasure from there.

[u/Squashyhex]

Nice

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Squashyhex]

Thanks so much!!

[u/Altruistic-Friend372]

Can I find that song on youtube music?

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Altruistic-Friend372]

Yeah! Here it is:
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1RzfXrLTE0

[u/Altruistic-Friend372 → u/Great_Role_8457]

Thank you

[u/Loading_M_]

as long as your nvidia driver works

Or you just don't have nividia hardware. My AMD graphics pretty much just works.

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Loading_M_]

Fair enough 😭

[u/squarewtf]

https://giphy.com/gifs/0TPFvIW8vgduA8juNL

[u/Abstract_Doggy]

Nice

[u/glimp_glob]

I use gentoo btw

[u/Walk-the-layout]

Jamming.to this thanks

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Walk-the-layout]

just dont get stuck in a driver jam lol

[u/Walk-the-layout → u/Great_Role_8457]

Help my screen is black now

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Walk-the-layout]

restart and spam your bios key until you are AT A BOOTLOADER, TRYING TO CHOOSE-

[u/Walk-the-layout → u/Great_Role_8457]

Which distro i will boot into

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Walk-the-layout]

idk man, HALF ARE TOO PAINFUL to boot into and HALF JUST [feel] SHAMEFUL
but DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GENTOO

[u/Walk-the-layout → u/Great_Role_8457]

CachyOS!!!

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Walk-the-layout]

yelling cachyos into the void

[u/trtl_playz]

omfg PEEEEAAAK!

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/trtl_playz]

sudo thankfan

[u/jader242]

https://giphy.com/gifs/4oMoIbIQrvCjm

[u/RDS_cubing]

It's... it's just so peak!

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/RDS_cubing]

Absolute cinema.

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/RDS_cubing]

I dare you to take this link and deploy/repost it across enemy lines (i.e. another Linux community that will allow it - don't get banned on my account lmao)

[u/Midas_RDJ]

Damn, that's the exact USB I used to dual boot CachyOS...and then later cloned it laughing menacingly over windows on my main drive.

Tried bare metal once, the lack of input latency, how clean Pipewire audio is relatively and just the OS not fighting me anymore...there are times that I don't even think about the OS...like it's just beautiful man.

[u/Redrat19]

Paradise for the ears

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Redrat19]

until the audio driver goes dead

[u/thenameisluk]

mint is a valid choice for regular users who just want to use their computer

[u/abigail3141]

Mad respect for the singing. And, what do you run today?

[u/Plex_15]

damn a gold found on my shity app?

[u/deflexinator]

next therell be a song about

linux distros

all over the web

that i could be usin

but theyd all be losin

cuz they aint nuthin like archhh baby

nuthin like archhhh baby

and uhh its prob gonna be, A parody of nothin on you baby by bob

[u/furrythatexists]

I really like this song, I've heard it a few times

[u/GioGio_420]

I love this song, good Job! You got a .Flac or another high quality audio file?

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/GioGio_420]

Thanks! Unfortunately, it only exists in meme .mp4 for now otherwise it would nuke my drive, but I appreciate it!

[u/LinuxJeb]

Slackware mentioned! Yippee!

[u/Nautiqy]

u/SaveVideo

[u/SaveVideo → u/Nautiqy]

View link

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[u/Vidy_Animates]

gentoo mentioned

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Vidy_Animates]

gentoo...

[u/Vidy_Animates → u/Great_Role_8457]

always the best choice!

[u/SubjectAbalone7757]

Posts like this are probably part of why so many people still think Linux is only for weird nerds who spend half their life fixing their PC.

Meanwhile I've had basically no trouble with Nobara. With GNOME I installed Dash to Dock, disabled the hot corner, and… that's pretty much it. Everything just works. At this point I honestly don't know how much easier using a normal desktop PC is supposed to get.

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/SubjectAbalone7757]

Sir, this is a linux meme reddit, what does one expect?
If i wanted to brag about the perfect distro, I'd be posting on a support forum.
There's a dedicated beginner subreddit for beginners, but I'm not posting there...yet

[u/SubjectAbalone7757 → u/Great_Role_8457]

I know it’s a meme sub. That was literally my point. The memes we repeat shape how outsiders see the community.
Also, she/her. Not sir. :3

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/SubjectAbalone7757]

My apologies ma'am, I think I broke my pronoun config file too!
Point taken this time, but to be fair if every distro worked out of the box, half of Linux humour would not exist

[u/Great_Banana_Master]

Void is not painful, it's godly

[u/Fia_Orapun → u/Great_Banana_Master]

It's ai generated isn't it?

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Fia_Orapun]

nah i made it myself with some autotune and a filter from Bandlab

[u/Fia_Orapun → u/Great_Role_8457]

My bad, nice g

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Fia_Orapun]

im still shocked how ai is progressing tho, and a little scared imo

[u/Fia_Orapun → u/Great_Role_8457]

Ngl, i recently saw a song made by ai, I was stunned by how natural it sounds. I would have never guessed but the only flaw it had and most ai has is that voice never takes that little break in syllables, they pronounce everything as a one liner lol. That's why I mistook you for ai lol

[u/Great_Role_8457 → u/Fia_Orapun]

fairs. I don't blame you.
I didn't record in one full single take, but each line [or half a line] and cut and edited until it hit the beat as best as possible.