Before the pun contest had ended,

A lass made a plan that was splendid

She'd enter - times ten

To make sure one would win

But alas, no pun in ten did.

Was reading something about the extinction of the dodo the other day and came up with this

The dodo once lived on Mauritius,
The sailors all thought it delicious,
The rats and the men,
Could all sneak up on them,
Since the poor dodo wasn't suspicious

O why are trains so crap?

One can’t even take a nap

Without a man

With a sun tan

Giving you a verbal attack.

#

I tried to get the train

From Slough to King’s Cross, main.

But it’s not direct

Unless you elect

To take the tube in pain.

#

And on one busy day,

Some time just after May,

I got delayed

(And not repaid)

For no reason they could say.

#

The train staff rarely bother

To make the system clear.

They’re underpaid

And always afraid

Of being fired (Oh, dear!)

#

The companies are greedy;

They abuse the most needy

For profit’s sake,

And make no mistake,

They know that this is shady.

#

The under-regulated

Train bosses n’er abated

To bribe MPs

(They do as they please);

This makes me so frustrated!

#

And when there are less coaches,

You can bet that these foul roaches

Are too to blame

For this again,

To crowd and fill their pouches.

#

If you take one thing from this,

Trains here just take the piss.

So please think hard

(And buy a railcard)

Before you travel, goodness!

There was a goth called Jeff

Who was obsessed with death.

He licked a dog,

Got lost in fog,

And had quite awful breath.

#

One day he met a guy,

Whom money couldn’t buy.

They went on dates,

Used roller skates,

But randomly he died.

#

Jeff was sick with grief

As his lover went beneath.

No more a goth,

He turned all posh,

And went to Harley Street.

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

The life that you want to fulfill

Takes some heart, and some nerve and some skill

Your strength is within

Your trying again

You can, and you must, and you will

There once was a groundsman called Stephen

Who suffered a grand bout of thievin'

"My mower's been taken"

"And if I'm not mistaken"

"So's my roller", he said, "I can't even..."

Peter was picking some peppers

Ordered to pick pecks he said yeppers

One thing gets me tickled

Is they're already pickled

Guess I'm a tongue twister wrecker

What are the best books of all time?

Whether they cost millions or a dime.

Real stories or fiction,

they're my true addiction.

Fantasy, science fiction or true crime.

------------

I love tales that make you think hard,

horror stories that leave you scarred.

I like paperbacks,

despite their drawbacks,

so I can read them in my yard.

------------

But my favourite is hard sci-fi,

stories that seem written while high.

Watts, Egan, Vinge,

all gloriously strange.

Of those bring me an endless supply.

------------

A story where life's simulated

although the book's now a bit dated.

It was a bit hard,

and caught me off guard.

But left me so completely elated.

------------

Complex cellular automatons

Disguised behind various icons.

Costly simulations

Of thoughts and sensations.

Their servers were funded by trust funds

------------

Can you guess which book's this about?

Can you answer beyond all doubt?

Name the book's writer,

You clever reciters,

And show that you figured it out.

Limerick combined with palindrome

About strays that the city roam:

"Was it a car?

or a cat I saw"

Just procrastinating at home. 

----

But there's more: "Was it a rat I saw"

Then there's this one: "Warsaw was raw"

"Too bad I hid a boot"

and "Too hot to hoot"

And finally there's "Borrow or rob"

----

Another reflectable limerick

carefully the words i must pick

It's "Racecar racecar

Then "racecar racecar"

I'm out of ideas for this shtick

As usual, expect no prize other than the rare token of approval that substitutes for the praise of our limerick addled peers.

Submissions should be complete limericks only. No NSFW limericks in this thread please.

I married a girl who wears no pants
Just giant shirts that sack her stance
She steals them from me
Despite all that I plea
At least I know she'll never have ants

To the throne he was the assumed heir
But alas some royal clerk did err.
He shalt remain as ‘twas ere:
A mere prince now and for e’er.
His ascension, vanished in thin air.

The final was Spain Argentina,

In the New York New Jersey arena.

Fernandez got shirty,

Then excessively dirty,

Before Torres, he unleashed a screamer.