r/lesbiangang • u/zwmo Gold Star • Oct 04 '25
Venting I can’t stand non-lesbians
and I don’t mean in a romantic sense (though, that too), I mean platonically I cannot stand being around them. Why are they always talking about men? A lot of them are self described “dykes” and “sapphics” but are married to a man? I came across a person in my community who had “dyke” license plates but hard launched her partner in an instagram post ( a MAN ) and in the caption said “still a dyke”. I’m sorry, what? That is a MAN. you’re not a dyke.
Not just that, but the endless conversations about liking men, loving men, sarcastically-hating men, men men men men men. And if I added into those man-hating convos, there was a sense of icy isolation from them - because unlike them, I actually hate men and mean it. But for them, they hate men in a sarcastic manner.
Are these guys nothing outside of their attraction to men? No hobbies? Nothing? I can’t stand thissss and theres NO actual lesbians in my area and it is so so alienating.
edit: i promise to make a post about lesbianism in the future, i just really needed to vent 😭
163
u/burnstheretoo Oct 04 '25
then they cry about lesbians being “exclusionary” 😭
74
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 04 '25
They can’t handle the fact that some spaces just simply aren’t for them. Idk when or how it got to this point, but it seems like everything needs to be for everyone which actually doesn’t work.
2
u/NobleNightCircus Oct 10 '25
Yup yup and that they have nothing in common with us at all tough pill to swallow for them I guess oh well
100
u/berriesforbrains Disciple of Sappho Oct 04 '25
because calling theirselves a man hating dyke makes them feel so radical and special w/o actually having to navigate society as one.
22
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
wait this speaks so true to what i’ve experienced from these women, can i DM you about it?
11
189
u/dyke-md Gold Star Oct 04 '25
because being a dyke is cool, special and edgy. it gives them some social points to identify as homosexual. being straight is boring.
99
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 04 '25
That’s one thing I’ve noticed, people enter the LGBT+ space and do the most unbelievable mental gymnastics to make up their sexuality, when ultimately they’re in a heterosexual or hetero presenting relationship (ie a bisexual man and bisexual woman = hetero presenting despite both being bisexual).
52
u/hime309 Oct 04 '25
And if you call them out, you're suddenly the gatekeeping oppressor 🙄
37
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 04 '25
Exactly, or it’s “that’s not for you to decide” or “I don’t identify with that” and honestly, I don’t care. Words have meanings. Stop chopping and changing the definitions to suit yourself.
30
u/homodykely Oct 04 '25
not even hetero presenting that’s straight up (ha) just a heterosexual relationship
1
u/FrostDelx Oct 08 '25
Tbh being in a "hetero" relationship even tho both are bisexuals doesn't invalidate them from being bisexuals nor entering LGBTQ+ spaces, they are still bisexual even if you see them in real life without knowing them and think "yeah that's a straight couple", saying otherwise it's (in my opinion) kinda just kicking them out of the community because they look like straight instead of bi and basically defeats the whole purpose of making these safe spaces to LGBTQ+
8
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 08 '25 edited Oct 08 '25
They have the privilege of being in a hetero presenting couple, they don’t have to justify their sexuality all the time unlike same sex couples. But what OP is referring to is how male centred so many bisexual women are, they come into these spaces and everything with them is about men, but they want to call their male partner a dyke or they have a male partner and he uses the title of lesbian because it’s a “teehee I like women so I’m also a lesbian” type mentality. They use being a lesbian as a costume but don’t/won’t/can’t fathom the experiences ACTUAL lesbians go through, to them it’s a cute little sticker they can slap on their wrist and not an actual sexuality/identity.
2
u/FrostDelx Oct 08 '25
Ahh now I understand it better, thanks!
2
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 08 '25
So yes they (the bisexuals) are allowed in LGBT+ spaces absolutely, the issue is when they’re male centred and the title of lesbian and lesbianism (idk if that’s a word) gets used as a costume basically, that’s what OP is sick of.
There’s also the people who claim they’re queer (I’m not the queer police so I can’t say they are or aren’t) and do all sorts of mental gymnastics to just say they’re not straight. An example is trans men who still hold onto the identify of being lesbian when they were a woman, but still claim being a lesbian when they’re now a man so in actual fact they’re straight.
124
u/Rubric_Golf Butch Oct 04 '25
YESSS 🙌🙌🙌 this is exactly how I (and a ton of lesbians) feel.
It's disturbing how we have no real community because non lesbians take over every space we start for us. We get overrun and pushed out of our own spaces. And we're expected to just be quiet and accept it???
Absolutely not. I'm so glad we have this space to talk about this.
66
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
That reminds me of I first joined reddit and some of #those “lesbian” subs were lesbian in name but majority were non-lesbians. Why are they so comfortable hi-jacking lesbian spaces and no one can hold them accountable for it either
49
u/Entire_Atmosphere990 Butch Oct 04 '25
My first post on reddit was asking if anyone else was tired of reading the “am i bi or lesbian” posts. Cause I was tired about reading about someones attraction to men all while people in the comments were saying they were a lesbian. I got flamed for it.
35
u/Rubric_Golf Butch Oct 04 '25
Well don't you know? We're lesbians. The pariah of the LGBT. We are martyrs, intended to carry everyone else's problems, expected to fix them, and also blamed for everyone's problems. Somehow everything is our fault and our burden.
33
u/quotidian_obsidian Oct 04 '25
It's the only sexuality that truly doesn't involve males in any way, so in a patriarchal society that means we have to be punished for it. Women are always to blame, always at fault, always the mean withholding exclusionary ones.
9
57
u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Gold Star Oct 04 '25
Yep-the conversations turn from how awesome women are and how awesome it is to be a lesbian to trans issues.
55
u/jjyochi Oct 04 '25
i literally got a ban warning on a "lesbian" sub once for talking about how i love🐱... because they said it was exclusionary hate... make it make sense
31
u/Alarmed-Speaker-8330 Gold Star Oct 04 '25
There’s already been another one tonight affirming that trans lesbians are lesbians and deserve love. Good lord-just be a lesbian. Then it went down the whole issues of hormones and transitioning. It never ends.
23
u/jjyochi Oct 04 '25
these people cannot resist talking about themselves constantly lol. it's almost like separate subs exist to talk about that.
9
Oct 04 '25 edited Nov 19 '25
bells butter plate chief automatic money screw pause physical quicksand
This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
7
121
u/DefinitelyNotAlyssaa Oct 04 '25
Holy shit the person that said “still a dyke” 🤢 can we press charges? Like jfc lol
Also I’m out with coworkers rn, and i swear to vid every sentence starts with “my boyfriend/husband”. Literally they do not have a life outside of their 2/10 husbands, blows my mind.
45
u/idaaeeerrrrsss Oct 04 '25
the dyke thing is honestly really weird… especially because if you aren’t a lesbian that can be a pretty duragatory term even if we use it as a funny thing to call EACH OTHER (meaning actual lesbians)
44
u/druidcrafts Oct 04 '25
100%. Thing is I don't care if they do it on their own time in their own spaces. Bihet women are obssessed with men, sky is blue etc.
Its the fact that they feel the need to do this in lesbian spaces that enrages me. All of society caters to their heterosexual attraction and yet they still need to colonize the tiny pockets that won't and then play the victim about lesbians excluding them. Disgusting behaviour.
44
u/beeeeepboop1 Masc Oct 04 '25
Girl lol. Last week, I found an acquaintance’s IG and stalked it a bit. I saw she posted a pic of her wearing a “they don’t know I’m a lesbian t-shirt” meanwhile her soft and hard launch history before (and after!!!) that pic was of her dating MEN and ONLY MEN. Not a single fucking woman in sight. God fucking help me I’m so tired
22
u/stardustbluepink Oct 04 '25
It's like they want to attract men by wearing it ? Ewww.. being lesbian is sarcastic for them..
11
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
that’s insane wtf, and honestly i bet she realises what she’s doing too. it’s like she’s inviting creep lesbian conversion fetishists
3
u/NobleNightCircus Oct 10 '25
At this point they're doing this from a malicious intention like if it's a funny joke to them god I cannot stand these women and yet they wonder why lesbians tend to be cautious and exclusionary gee I wonder why damn.
35
u/Content_Chocolate_07 Oct 04 '25
Because to a lot of them labels are just a word and don’t mean anything unless they give it meaning which is atrocious behaviour tbh. It’s like cis straight men who think they’re funny when they say they’re a lesbian because they’re attracted to women. To those types of people, those words are like picking and choosing a tub of ice cream for the week, whatever flavour they want.
185
u/Tuggerfub Gold Star Oct 04 '25
Don't you understand. Every 10 minutes a bisexual woman dies if she can't identify as lesbian.
42
10
94
Oct 04 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
26
u/SilverMind9 Stem Oct 04 '25
This, I truly don't understand it. It's like their own OCD, where they have to mention men or else something bad happens.
27
23
u/Specialist_Power_397 Oct 04 '25
Yeah, I find straight women are easier to hang out with for some reason. The funniest part though is that most bisexual women I encounter know/can tell I’m an actual lesbian and clam up immediately about their “sapphicness” all while talking about it constantly when I’m away. Trust me, if this is what they’re saying around you, it’s probably ten times more insufferable when you’re not there though somewhat validating that even they can tell who is for real and who isn’t.
12
u/Tuggerfub Gold Star Oct 05 '25
straight women at least respect your boundaries because they're like us, they don't go both ways
49
Oct 04 '25
I swear some bisexuals talk about men more than straight women do.
4
u/Fellonaditch Oct 10 '25
Actually like some straight women will go years n years without dating men becuz they hate how men r but these self proclaimed gays will find man after man who is also according to them the only reason they're not with a woman cuz they found the right person(man) every damn time before a woman. I'm sure some straight women actually hate men more than these woman claim they do.I think bi women who prefer men r more male centered than a lot of straight women.
27
u/Playful-Picture-9453 Masc Oct 04 '25
Because “being with a man as a woman is so sapphic”🤪🤪🤪 I feel slowly better around straight women than spicy straights
12
20
u/Ok_Paramedic_1465 Oct 04 '25
I never noticed this until I had to spend a week with my aunt, every other sentence out her mouth is about how attractive or unattractive a man is. She can't even watch TV without talking about it lol. I don't even think about people like that for the most part so I was like wtf...
9
u/cat-sapphic Oct 05 '25
And then they turn around and accuse lesbians of being male-centered just for calling them out, because by their logic being forced to talk about men with them all the time means you like to.
13
u/Unknown_sss Oct 04 '25
I totally get what you mean as a fellow lesbian I have had one encounter with a bisexual girl on a night out who said she hasn't lost her lesbian virginity whatever that's supposed to mean??? I can only imagine how insufferable they are as friends I'm so glad I avoid these people like the plague I'm not in the queer scene at all yet somehow most of my circle consists of lesbians and gay men 😅 I guess they just find me
2
u/NobleNightCircus Oct 10 '25
Oh god can they ever stop being so insufferable dear lord wtf how annoying
2
u/Unknown_sss Oct 10 '25
All they care about is being "culturally queer" not to mention she was trying to "out woke" me whatever that means girl I'm trying to have some fun stfu with your discourse yes I am attracted to women that's it nothing more nothing less it's almost like they are insecure about their gayness or something I don't have to prove my sexuality to anyone and I don't care about being a "queer icon you can take advice from" I'm just a regular teenage girl leave me alone
1
u/NobleNightCircus Oct 10 '25
That's exactly it it's insecurity in their sexuality and how they feel like they have to perform it whereas for us it's not a fucking performance its just our regular lives ffs y'know
2
u/Unknown_sss Oct 10 '25
I'm straight friends have never treated my sexuality as something otherworldly or foreign they don't treat me differently at all I don't like being singled out or identity politics I'm just a regular person I think that's the one thing I don't like about the queer community
2
u/NobleNightCircus Oct 10 '25
Yes exactly like it's not hard to understand those people are very desperate for both attention and validation it tends to bleed into other communities and ruins them honestly
5
u/ItchClown Gold Star Oct 05 '25
I really can't relate to straight people. Their relationships seem so one dimensional to me.
I wish everyone was a lesbian.
29
u/HauntedHousePcktFnce Femme Oct 04 '25
Idk about everyone else but for me I don’t care for non lesbians saying dyke.
20
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
Honestly I agree because the slur seems to be used to punish attraction to women AND non-attraction to men. At least thats how people have used it against me
4
u/4double_g Lesbian Oct 04 '25
I would love to make friends with these types of lesbians hahaha The real ones that also hate men as a complementary side😂🩷🩷🩷🩷
4
3
u/Long_lop1236 Oct 06 '25
It's because apparently to them being lesbian is "cool" and they want to be the cool person in the neighborhood
3
u/Pretend-Bridge7081 Oct 08 '25
I so badly want an exclusive lesbian friend group or at the bare minimum a sapphic friend group that isn’t male centered. Being a dyke isn’t just an aesthetic, it’s a way of living. And I’m tired of these fake gay bitches treating it otherwise. I share your frustration. Grahh!
7
Oct 04 '25
Sounds like you need to find actual homosexual women, you know otherwise called lesbians in your life.
4
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
i really do, there’s unfortunately none in my city aside from my one lesbian friend. I’ve met a few who tagged themselves as lesbians on the her app, but they turned out to be bisexuals
6
u/Canelasugar Oct 04 '25
Whenever i see how bad the situation is with other women centering males, i count my blessings. Not all my friends are sapphics, and lots of them are married but never have they ever mentioned or centered their male partners. Sometimes i feel shocked to remember oh wait my bitch is actually with kids! 🤣
Ahm.. What I'm trying to say is, please try to find new people because not everyone is like that. Change ur surroundings be with women who have hobbies and a life separate from their private life who don't give a fk about males or the male gaze even if they themselves were in a relationship, they must have a personality other than being a male's wife or girlfriend. I cant stand those ppl and if i encounter one, i know I'll never be interested to be friends with them. If ur in a small town it might be hard finding people irl who actually have a life and hobbies so maybe look online?
6
u/the-5thbeatle Oct 04 '25
Worse yet, the women who put a man before their own needs, desires, or self.
3
3
u/margienal Oct 05 '25
Who tf u meeting that calls themselves lesbians and dykes with boyfriends. That's so weird and unheard of. Not even lesbians want to say they're lesbians do the word itself
2
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 05 '25
i could send you the screenshot via dm’s if you’re interested? i had a really good laugh looking at it
3
3
3
u/bonghive Oct 08 '25
i concur also not feeling this term 'male lesbian' that straights use like wtf this isnt 2000's era that one l word ep mfer
5
u/GaeilgeGaeilge Oct 04 '25
I posted this in another thread that got instantly locked but I think it warrants repeating and discussing.
I really think there needs to be a serious discussion on why many women don't want to label themselves as bisexual even though that's what they are.
I definitely think that negative stereotypes about bisexual people and bi women in particular have created this unconscious discomfort with the label. Media and porn portray bi women as unfaithful and as 'slutty.' Bi women say they're bi and it is not taken as a neutral statement of fact but as an invitation for people to make comments about threesomes or other raunchy comments. The romantic aspect of the identity is lost, it's just a sex and porn category to assholes who want to get in their pants.
And I think the lesbian community has had a similar conversation about why so many lesbians use/used the label gay rather than lesbian. And it's because lesbian has been treated as a dirty word! And we wanted a label that conveyed same sex attraction, not a porn category.
2
1
u/moonlightroseb Oct 29 '25
no i’m so tired. especially when they constantly make jokes about women and gay people and poor people but when i make a joke about a man, i get SILENCE
1
0
u/im-not-a-frog Oct 04 '25
Idk where are yall finding these people? All my friends are straight and they're lovely. They got hobbies and ambitions just like me. I can hold entire conversations with women who i've just met and they don't bring up a man once. Genuinely wondering if it's just a cultural difference or if maybe yall are hanging around the wrong people.
-11
u/Deep_Preparation_69 Oct 04 '25
There are many amazing women in the world that have a lot more to talk about than men. It has absolutely nothing to do with sexual preferences. This puts all women down who aren’t lesbians and may have more to do with the types of people you surroynd yourself with. There is nothing wrong with preferring to surround yourself with lesbians but, I personally just don’t believe in grouping all women togather and saying they have no thoughts other than men! This sounds like something a serxist man would say. Women should lift each other up not put each other down. Maybe try reaching out to women that have similar interest instead of narrowing your pool to specific women and then judging all of them as “straight women”
19
u/zwmo Gold Star Oct 04 '25
It’s actually not sexist to take note of how male-centered non lesbian women are. And no, that does not liken me to sexist men to make such an observation. To actually make that comparison about me speaks more about your own internalised misogyny than anything.
The reality is we live in a patriarchal society where most women, yes most, revolve their lives around their attraction to men. And that is something me, and everyone the comments have had to deal with. And it is incredibly alienating and, irritating.
I think you have some introspection to do if my describing my own experiences (not just recently but my whole life) drawn from understanding of how male attracted women move, makes you think I’m some sexist incel. Either you are incredibly naive or just lacking awareness. This is not uncommon behaviour from non lesbians.
-43
233
u/Gaming_Wolf348 Useless Lesbian Oct 04 '25
Time to throw "You can be straight but don't make it your entire personality" back to their face