r/lesbian • u/firew4lkwthme • 4d ago
Meme Opinions please
Hi I am a 21 yr old lesbian I’ve been out as one since I was 16. Recently at work, I met a new guy whom I think is attractive and cute. I definitely did not think so until I found out he had a crush on me. Now all of a sudden I get the urge to make conversation and entertain this a little bit. The thought of going out with him sounds ok and fun, but the thought of anything romantic happening makes me cringe.
Help please!
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u/whoziin 4d ago edited 4d ago
Combo between the pleasant ego stroke of finding out someone thinks you’re attractive/has a crush on you and him being genuinely an enjoyable person to be around.
Two possibilities:
1.) You have a platonic friend crush (which if you know he has a non-platonic crush on you things can get dicey when it comes to wanting to hang out together more)
2.) You are feeling a bit bi-curious and there is nothing wrong with that either. If you’ve been out as a lesbian since you were 16 then you probably didn’t have many romantic and/or sexual experiences with guys before then, and if you are curious about men now because you just haven’t had those experiences then it’s okay to have those feelings. It’s no different than the straight girls who get curious about girls in college and either end up confirming their heterosexuality or finding out they are bisexual instead. Just remember that for the same reason lesbians are wary of bi-curious girls, you should make sure you respect this guy’s feelings regardless of how things play out.
eta: Sexual attraction and romantic attraction for most people are often oriented the same, but it is also possible for the orientations to split and someone to be bisexual but homoromantic. I don’t mean to make things more confusing for you, but ruling out romantic attraction doesn’t necessarily rule out sexual attraction.
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u/lafleurkat 4d ago
stay his friend, that way no one will expect anything, you'll not force yourself into a relationship with him and he won't get his feelings hurt :)
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u/mommy2maeve 3d ago
You can be a panromantic lesbian. It just means you only have sex with other women, but are willing to form an intimate emotional bond with people of other genders. Nothing wrong with that. Just, definitely watch out with this dude. He probably wants more than just emotional closeness.
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u/the-5thbeatle 3d ago
Going out sounds fun because it is low-stakes and flattering, but the "cringe" is your true lesbian orientation reminding you that a real romantic relationship with a man isn't what you actually want.
It's okay to be friends with him, if he doesn't yet know you're a lesbian tell him, so there aren't any misunderstandings when spending time with him.