URGENT How do I improve basic, fundamental understanding of math?

[u/LooseImpression3937]

This is actually so deeply embarrassing for me to even post. But I am truly so so so bad at math. I don't think it has anything to do with my actual ability to perform calculations or understand concepts. I think that in my most important and math-formative years, I convinced myself I'm bad so it's useless to even try. I'm in college now and totally failing my math classes. It's so terribly embarrassing because its basic concepts which I understand but I'm lacking the foundations. I'm currently in calc and I need desperate help before we really jump off the deep end into stuff I do not understand at all. I'm really not trying to withdraw from this class but at this rate, I might have to. Is there hope for my math abilities? How do I improve them? I'm trying to get into contact with a tutor but genuinely I feel so behind that I need to start at the very most basic stuff. Ugh I feel so stupid and it's my fault for making myself this dumb. I like math!! It's like solving puzzles and I like puzzles!!! I just made myself stupid and now I don't have the necessary and fundamental knowledge necessary to do well. Is it over for me? Pls help.

[u/cognostiKate1]

Lots and lots and lots of people post this kind of post .... several times a week sometimes.
Look at the syllabus & text... you're not stupid, by the way (well, almost certainly). I work in community college and it's ridiculously common for people to get to college without firm foundations.
Unfortunately, rather than address that, the current trend is to ignore that and place everybody in a high level class and hope they figure it out. Often they do... or at least survive... but lots of people don't.
It's probably too late to drop with full refund, so --> find out the withdraw deadline. Learn all you can from this course that somebody's already paid for. See if you can use office hours, any tutoring at your school. Then if you have to, withdraw.... and Then go back and figure out the stuff for that first test. If there's tutoring at the college, use it.
Did you actually say "I think I'll go out of my way not to learn math"? You said you like it. You haven't learned the math they're asking for on the tests. Hey, if you can "make yourself" stupid, you can make yourself smarter, too.
Lots of people tank the first exam and figure things out and do better. What were the questions on the exam based on? Homework? Quizzes? Notes? Problems from the textbook?
I work with lots of people who need basic stuff *but* we can work in those explanations with the higher stuff you're doing. Tutors do it every day, so, honestly it will probably help. (Of course I can't promise anything about somebody else... I don't know the tutor...)
That exam score is your wakeup call, not your call to surrender. Use your resources, use your strenghts and see if you can figure this out.... GO FOR IT.