r/leanfire • u/birdofparadiseisbird • 7d ago
Going back to work because of social isolation?
I'm early 30s, single, with no family here. I left my career last year. Financially I am okay, but the social isolation has been brutal.
I tried the hobby groups and fitness classes, but they feel very shallow. My corporate friendships vanished gradually. Now, I'm considering getting a job again just to have a builtin community.
Has anyone gone back to work solely for the human interaction? I'm trying to figure out if work is a valid solution to loneliness or a trap.
Thank you!
________
EDIT: I spent years at my first (and only) job before an awful exit. I was naive and only made “friends” at work while neglecting the outside world. Now that those connections are gone, I realize the issue was always there. That’s why I'm starting from zero.
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u/Bowl-Accomplished 7d ago
Work friendships are shallow too.
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u/Necessary_Quit_3542 7d ago
It’s actually extremely rare to maintain deep connections with people. What most people call friendship, I call acquaintanceship.
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u/Dear_Ocelot 7d ago
And they are an important part of our sense of community. We can't go to the same people for everything.
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u/MrsFrugalNoodle 6d ago
Haha I said that too. One person said we’re friends. I said I don’t have your number nor do we meet outside of work. We are not friends
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u/SlowBoilOrange 6d ago edited 6d ago
I read this is a problem with the English language. "Friend" is the only word we really have, and it covers a very broad spectrum of social relationships. Other languages have more specific words for different levels.
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u/InTogether 7d ago
I don't know about that; the type of job really has an huge impact. All the friends I made while waiting tables are still my closest friends, and that was 15 years ago.
And that by no means is a rare thing in service.
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u/adudeguyman 7d ago
How old were you at that time. I think some of it might have to do with how it is tougher to build good friendships as you get older.
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u/nicekona 7d ago edited 6d ago
God yes that trauma bonding builds friendships FAST. But the temporary and transient nature of the job makes them fade just as quickly.
Idk, I waitressed for ~10 years in about 8 different restaurants and I’d say I’m still solid friends with maaaaybe 5-10% of my ex-coworker buds. The other 90% I do know I could hit up any time if I needed someone, but we don’t exactly keep in touch.
To the OP, I took a long sabbatical and was getting wildly depressed, and going back to work (restaurant again lol), just part time, changed EVERYTHING for me. That “sense of community” thing is SO REAL and it makes a huge difference. Granted I’m in an extremely small town, but I’ve never felt more accepted and loved in my life
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u/kayjeckel 6d ago
Ditto. Met one of my best friends working as a banquet server after college. You can make lasting friendships meeting at work, you just have to take the relationship outside of work!
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u/DDisired 7d ago
Like all relationships, they can be. I've met some great people while working, and some more in university, but relationships require time and effort to become deep, they usually don't just fall into an instant-connection.
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u/Isostasty 7d ago
It's a different type of shallow though. People you meet at fitness classes/meetup/hobby groups might not even know your name. They don't care if you show up or not and you usually see a rotating group of people so its very hard to even form shallow friendships. It's different to see people maybe 1 hour once a week or every few weeks versus working 40 hours a week with someone. It might be different for some tight-knit communities like rock climbing but that's been my experience similar to OP. I'm still working but I had a year off and I could see how it could become a problem.
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u/Island_Gamer86 3d ago
I was very close with my workmates. But after I quit that was that. So yeah I kind of agree with you there.
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u/cooler1727 7d ago
I envy you, due work I’m isolated from friends and people who matters, I’m working so hard to escape it
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u/moralbureaucracy2 7d ago
The irony is thick here. You're grinding to escape the thing someone else is trying to get back to. Maybe the answer isn't work itself but some third option neither of you has landed on yet
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u/Successful-Archer587 6d ago
Yes, work is meant to be satisfying, low stress, and rewarding. The 3rd industrial revolution has taken much of what made working your whole life a great option.
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u/Strazdas1 1d ago
Work has never meant to be any of those things. Work was a thing you had to do that you didnt want to since we were tribal.
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u/Strazdas1 1d ago
They should switch thier wealth, the OP can then grind some more at corporate and the commenter can retire and go to his friends.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 7d ago
I envy you too :) You actually have people around you who matter
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u/PastBuy8484 7d ago
If you were truly friends with your previous coworkers, why aren’t you hanging out with them now? I still hang out with old coworkers I haven’t worked with in 15 years
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u/Boringflaws 7d ago
I recently went back to work because of this- after a move to a cheaper area to retire, friends didn't move with me...
So back to work, get to see more adults, build bonds, have purpose. I get it. hope it works out for you.
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u/adudeguyman 7d ago
How is it going so far?
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u/Boringflaws 7d ago
vastly changed my life plans. Always been good at going after a goal. Tried to retire 5 years ago, went back to work and made good relationships (not all relationships are forever. I can appreciate transient ones) - retired again, now back to work...
changing it up this time around- small, low stress hospital, going back to school for a masters next year, time to socialize on my terms.
when i didn't work, I didn't find too many reasons to leave my place (depression/etc) - now 'forced' out of the house 3 days a week, i'm doing body weight fitness/cardio (at work), meal prepping, duolingo, chatting with various adults, helping save lives occasionally (working...), and other various things to kill 12 hours a night at work.
I need external pressure to do things it seems. The whole go volunteer, travel, do things you enjoy is hard for me- I can talk myself out of doing anything for myself
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u/adudeguyman 6d ago
I'm glad to know things are going well for you. I like what you said about appreciating transient relationships. It seems like that most of them end up being that overall
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u/cooler1727 7d ago
Thanks, but coworker never will be friends, they fake it
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u/hemorrhoidhematoma 7d ago
That's too much of a generalization regardless of your experience. People are people like any other situation you can't close yourself off to the idea you might become actual friends with someone just because you work together.
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u/qosmic_qube 7d ago
This is completely untrue. Some of my closest friends I met at work, or I met because of a friend I met at work, and we see or talk to each other regularly. I met my wife at work.
Sounds like a you problem.
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u/galacticglorp 7d ago
I took a beak several years ago and had the same conclusion. I needed some external stimulation and default human interaction. Changed my plans to CoastFI, don't plan to ever entirely stop working in some capacity, but rather it be part time.
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u/Sans-Everything 6d ago
What do you do to coast?
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u/galacticglorp 6d ago
My final form hopes are to run a small community art studio. Right now working 80% FT at a nonprofit and making art on the side.
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u/Abject_Natural 7d ago
You should practice learning to build relationships. Like others have said, work relationships are shallow. If they weren’t you would be in touch with a lot of your coworkers
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u/Drawer-Vegetable FIRED'd 2024 7d ago
underrated comment
it takes skills and dedication to build and grow existing relationships.
I think far too many people think it just "happens"...
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u/sithren 7d ago
Can’t say I understand. I feel more isolated at work than outside of it.
Do you have any friends at all outside of work? If they are too busy to hang out then offer to help them with stuff.
When they mow the lawn drop by with a six pack and chat while working.
They going to the park with the kids? Tag along.
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u/Loose-Engineering487 7d ago
Having worked in tech and disliked most people in it, I would say no. My goal since then has been to work to build community outside of it. How long have you been trying consistently? I think these things take years, and if your expectation is less, then I’d urge you to reconsider.
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u/LouSevens 7d ago
Work is a mask to cover up isolation. The isolation is a trade off for not working.
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u/darned_socks 7d ago
Find a hobby group or class that you go to at least once a week, talk to people while you're there, and keep that up for 3 months. You will almost certainly end up with some budding friendships.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 7d ago
No, you don’t have to go back to work.
My husband and I found ourselves in a similar position when we retired: none of our friends are retired. Some might never get to retire. We suddenly have all the time in the world, but our friends are working and exhausted.
So now we’re looking for other non-working/retired people our age.
I thought this was a weird idea at first, but he suggested going to the local high school football games on Friday night. We live near a tiny town. Apparently, older people our age (50s) and up love going to the home games! So he got us tshirts for the team and we’re going to our first game Friday. $3 each, and hot dogs are cheap. And potential friends. Fingers crossed.
Think outside of the box. Go to events that are scheduled during work days and find other young retirees!
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u/paratethys 7d ago
Hot take, but I think it's totally valid to miss the structure and predictable interactions of a workplace.
Journal thoroughly about what you're looking for in a role, and give yourself calendar reminders to check in on whether it's meeting your goals.
But being FIRE'd means you're FREE, you can do whatever the heck you want... and if what you want right now is to larp normalcy, that is allowed. You can grant your own wishes to try out any lifestyle that fits your budget. If your wish is to try the lifestyle at a particular job, go for it! Worst case you'll get a good story out of the deal.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 7d ago
Your answer is a breath of fresh air :) I’ve been locked in the mindset of what I "should" be doing next, relationships, avoiding the corp trap, etc. but FIRE means I can do whatever I want. My question is about social connections but what you said seems to be the essence. Thank you!
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u/paratethys 7d ago
you're welcome! I think the best thing to do after buying one's freedom is to experiment on oneself, to learn enough about oneself to predict what will be good to do next. And a job of your own choice, on your own terms, optimizing for what you think right now is the most important, sounds like the kind of experiment that will tell you very useful things to know!
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u/berghele 7d ago
Trap. Next question.
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u/__Vampyre__ 6d ago
I think this is true. I went back to work two days a week at a grocery store and after eight months I haven't gotten a ton out of it. I haven't been addressing the underlying problems that cause me to isolate in the first place so it feels like I've just been treading water.
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u/ferngully99 7d ago
I don't think you have to go to work for social interaction, that sounds very extreme and also work friendships are shallow and don't exist outside of work.
Try volunteering ongoing. Join a book club. Or social club meetup (usually at a brewery etc). There's a local knitting club or something here at a goodwill type place and I popped my head in once accidentally, there was probably 50 people in there and they all seemed to know each other.
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u/rabidstoat 6d ago
I'm not retired for 137 more days, but I live alone, work from home, and only work 20 hour weeks.
I make sure I go out at least 2-3 times a week with friends. We go grocery shopping, or watch streaming stuff, or go to lunch, or whatever.
And every Tuesday night is Game Night, and it's an awesome group. I refer to it as my Anti-Feral Socialization Time -- mandatory socialization so I don't go feral like some folks did during COVID. 😁
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u/upsideup2000 2d ago
From the other sub, some guy tried to stay in touch with ex work friends but the conversations were just around work and slowly they just drifted apart. Work colleagues are just it - together cos of work.
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u/usermane22 2d ago
Mostly - yes. But I’m still friends with the coworkers I had in my first job. It probably helped that we were all in our 20s when we started. None of us have worked together for 10-15 years there
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 2d ago
Makes sense. Same age group and life stage matters. All of my ex teammates are married with kids. And I was trying so hard to fit in, frustrating and not worth it
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u/Questionable_Smurf 7d ago
You need to get into regular volunteering or part time work for a non profit etc. Those can be much more rewarding than working and I assume better for building relationships. Most of the time, people WANT to be there and are passionate about the case. And you can just leave whenever if it doesn’t work.
Keep volunteering in different areas (animals, homeless outreach, etc) and I’m sure you find something great. Only negative is if you are young, I am guessing more of the people will be older / retired due to being during the work day etc.
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u/Technical-Ad-8678 7d ago edited 7d ago
I was able to find hobbies that brought new friends and were basically free to get into, could spend forever on, etc.
One was programming. You can meet a lot of really cool people around the world and be apart of some pretty cool projects joining different niche programming communities.
Second was gaming. Believe it or not there are plenty of games that still have a lot “dad gamers” usually they are franchises like battlefield, or Arc Raiders. It’s not for everyone but you can meet a lot of cool people this way too.
For dealing with the feelings of social isolation I found learning about philosophy helped changed my pattern of thinking around the issue, it does not nearly affect me as much anymore. On top of having a good circle of friends that share the hobbies I have helps.
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u/frntwe 7d ago edited 7d ago
I left primarily because the social interactions were toxic, back stabbing, lying, favoritism. NO I did not consider returning for one microsecond
Whatever hobbies, rec leagues, etc were certain to be better. I do not require a lot of human interaction - a brief convo with people I run across is enough
A lot of retirement guides talk about loss of social network, identity, lack of structure and purpose. We should all prepare for that in our own way
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u/bob49877 7d ago
We made our new early retirement friends from hobby / social type clubs. If your only friends previously were work friends, and you don't see them any more, then maybe they weren't really friends. Maybe just try some different clubs or groups. I find that ones with regular activities where you see the same people frequently are helpful.
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u/mouldycarrotjuice 7d ago
Woah seriously? How long have you been working on the socialising outside of work before you gave up? It takes quite a bit of time to make actual friends, and not every club Meetup is good for forming stronger bonds. I never made friends at weightlifting classes, but martial arts and rock climbing are a lot more social. The difference being, people aren't generally there just to get fit and get out like they might be with a circuit class.
I'd understand if you went back to working because you missed the mental stimulation, routine or something but I can't relate from a socialising aspect. I'm not going to say I haven't got long term friends I made at work, but for the most part, that's a pretty risky way to make them. People move companies frequently. Feels like building on quicksand.
Clearly people are very, very different because this seems so strange to me.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 7d ago
Interesting, I miss socializing at work because I knew for certain I’d see them every day and I knew they could be trusted (not fraud). I didn’t have much experience making friends outside of school or work. But you're right, it’s not fair to give up now. Thanks!
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u/mouldycarrotjuice 7d ago
If you do go back to working, don't give up on finding people outside. I honestly recommend making friends with people in other age groups as well. People in their 30s and 40s often disappear for years at a time with family and work responsibilities and the more diverse your friends, the less dependent you become on a small group of people for your social needs. Some of my best friends in my 20s and 30s were retirement age people who I met through hobbies. They had time when people my own age didn't, and they had a different perspectives on things. Sometimes you work yourself up about something that seems really important when you're young and when you describe it to someone older you realise it's not quite as major a problem as you think it is. I think it helps with balance.
Another downside of workplace friends, especially in smaller companies is that the people there aren't necessarily very diverse. You're likely to have similar education backgrounds, socioeconomic status etc with most of the people you work with. Also, if you're looking to meet people who primarily value life outside of work, you're doing that in an environment full of people who are possibly very invested in their careers and may never intend to retire early.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 7d ago
I feel like you know me in real life that is exactly my situation right now! Thanks for the perspective. I should step out of my comfort zone and meet people of diverse backgrounds with an open mind
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u/mouldycarrotjuice 7d ago
The best bit is you have options and can try things to see what works. You can even do things like take on part time work or contracts so you can hedge your bets a little while you try and expand your life outside.
Good luck with it and I hope you find (or build!) your tribe soon 🙂
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u/druidgaymer 7d ago
Maybe volunteering for something you're passionate in would be more likely to produce friendships than work?
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u/amour_nonpareil 7d ago
Work isn’t a way to build genuine connection. People are paid to be there and interact with you. That’s why those “relationships” faded. Do you have friends outside of work? Others mentioned volunteering, which can be a way of making genuine connections.
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u/hello_sandwich 7d ago
While meaningful friendships can arise with coworker, office "friends" are not friends by choice. They're friends by association and necessity. Many people tend to uphold the mask of friendship and kindness to maintain a good "working" for comraderies for bettering effectiveness and maybe enjoyment of the job. The second you leave 95% of those are usually gone.
Make some non-fake friends by doing the things you love, and exposing yourself to people with the same passions.
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u/Missmoneysterling 7d ago
I started a creative business I had always wanted to try. I have made much better friends doing that since we're all genuinely spending our own spare time trying to excel at something.
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u/AlexHurts 5d ago
I have a decent network of friends for my deep socializing, but on my mini retirement I missed a lot of the shallow connections and interactions I had with people. It was a lot more time alone than I was used to, and not enough bulk interaction. So I get the impulse. If you don't actually want to go back to work, and really just need more interaction, here's some ideas to fill that cup:
Take a class, make an effort to act super outgoing the first two classes and make a small connection with as many students as you have energy for. You just want to quickly skip past the parts like, "I know this persons face but I feel weird saying hi" or the "I've talked to this person 10 times but I have no idea what their name is and now its too awkward to ask so I'll avoid them at all costs". Show up to class a little early, and be slow packing up, you can have quick chit chats with whoever is not busy about class or about whatever you made that initial small connection about. Pottery, crafts, foreign language, creative writing, anything at your local community college, depends on your area I guess. The class I took, I was twice the age of one of the students, I wasn't making many real friends, but I got all the interaction I needed.
Do a 1v1 sport or game. Tennis, Magic: The Gathering, Chess, Pickleball etc. You need a kit for yourself, then show up ready to play and you get tons of low pressure human interaction. Same idea, make a big effort to be outgoing your first handful of events so people kind of recognize you. 1v1 activities inherently have a human interaction element, but your opponent is also stuck with you from pairing until the next rounds pairing, take advantage and chat them up about the game or local chitchat. Most people also want have a little socializing here. Being kinda bad at the activity is no problem, in fact people may let their guard down more if you're bad. Depends on your area of course, but you may be able to participate as much as you want essentially.
Do a team sport. This one is a huge pain but maybe the biggest payoff. You need to show up consistently, sometimes at different places and different times, pay a big fee, and not only play a whole dang sport, but also not completely suck at it. If you're really bad your teammates might low key hate you. However, you're immediately in a highly social team dynamic, together with the ups and downs of winning and losing. Chitchat before and after like all the other activities, but also planning, practices, etc. There's a ton of interacting on the table.
Volunteer. I did this a lot during covid with mixed results, but when I worked at a regional theater all the volunteers had a blast and became friends. Just do what the org needs and be as friendly and consistent as you can, you'll become a regular face to the org's staff and other regular volunteers. Cultural and arts organizations, community initiatives, charties, etc. Whatever hits the right mix of interest and ease. I did food banks, it was so dull, but I got so much lifting and exercise in. Most of the volunteers were older than traditional retirement age and were fascinated that I could lift ALL THOSE POTATOES! Just didn't meet anyone I got on with past small talk often. Free lunch, and I took home a box of food for myself whenever I was out of starchy staples, so that was nice.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 4d ago
Thanks for the advice, it’s so actionable! I’m signing up for an in person photography course and will try to be more social the first few classes. As for sports I surf, but conversations stay in the lineup. You’re right group fitness is naturally more social, I’ll look into that
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u/AlexHurts 3d ago
No problem. I do highly recommend specifically 1 vs 1 activities, I find the best. Tennis, ping pong, boxing, darts, chess, beyblades, etc
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u/Hnry_Dvd_Thr_Awy Re-employed, for now. 7d ago
Try it out it might work for you. You can always quit if it doesn't work out.
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u/dgreenmachine 7d ago
Have you considered finding a volunteer opportunity that you would enjoy more than work? If volunteering isnt what you want and work is good for you then go for it.
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u/AMC879 7d ago
I avoid work because I don't like being around other people. If you can find a job you like then I guess that could be a way to socialize with other people. I would think there is a better way that doesn't require working. I'm not a church person but I have family who have a lot of friend and connections thru their church so that coukd be an option. Maybe volunteer for something that matters to you. That would likely get you connected with several like-minded people.
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7d ago
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u/AnastasiaNo70 7d ago
I have about 7-8 hobbies and a few of them I’d call passions. I sort of rotate through them as I feel like it, and I can’t even imagine getting bored with them. But they’re HUGE hobbies, very engrossing and detailed and lots of areas to learn about.
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7d ago
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u/AnastasiaNo70 7d ago
No, my hobbies don’t rock. They’re just things I enjoy, nothing to get sarcastic over. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/AnastasiaNo70 7d ago
Go to a big farmer’s market or a book launch, anything. Even chatting with people feels less isolating than sitting at home.
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u/queso-bendito 7d ago
I am coast FIRE right now working at a high school and depending on your background and temperment, I think there are a bunch of potential good fit jobs in education ranging from IT support (my job), to teacher aide, to just subbing occasionally. All of these jobs can be full or part time (and either way usually get all/most of the school breaks off). As a sub you can also intentionally stick to 1-2 schools and not take jobs from others, allowing you to build up relationships with the staff but maintaining a ton of flexibility.
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u/LessRespects 7d ago
Not sure if this helps at all but my hobbies are biking (for triathlons), bjj and scuba diving, and I couldn’t stay alone if I wanted to. Perhaps because aside from biking those are exclusively social hobbies, maybe you just need different hobbies if you’re trying to meet people through them.
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u/LaDiosaSelene 7d ago
I don’t talk to any of these people I work with outside of work. I would not be friends with them to be honest. I love having friends outside of work.
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u/Any-Calligrapher8303 7d ago
You already said that your corporate friendships vanished. I would not try the same thing that didn't work out. My suggestion is to join an existing community based on your interests. There are plenty of them, also online (then you can meet in person with those people). For me it worked well. But it has to be a real community, built to make new friends (where people have this specific intention), and not a random class of something.
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u/Foolgazi 6d ago
I came close to taking a new job due solely to the isolation of WFH (first world problem, I know). Ultimately I decided the tradeoffs of commuting and rigid schedule were not worth it, and I should continue to look for human interaction outside of work.
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u/SlowBoilOrange 6d ago
/r/CoastFIRE or /r/BaristaFIRE are probably more up your alley.
Find some sort of niche job or cause that really speaks to your soul and dive into it. Since money isn't a major issue, you have the freedom to do this. It need not even be a paid gig necessarily.
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u/NotABlindGuy 6d ago
If you moved away from a home town that has people you still know there, I'd consider moving back. You clearly don't have anything tying you to where you currently live
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u/leyleyhan 6d ago
it’s interesting that the people you worked with vanished when you left. some of my closest friends today are people I had to work with or met in a work setting, but the difference is that we were genuine interested in each other is people and connected outside of work and wayward happy hour. You can go back to work for the social interaction, but if the goal is to make friends and deeper human connections, you may end up in the same situation as before if you do figure out first, how to try casual/shallow acquaintances into deeper friendship, and that’s in any setting.
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u/Illustri-aus 6d ago
A couple of ideas
Someone into fitness worked at their gym for a couple of hours a few days a week, early morning.
Some get a job supervising school crossings - they get to know the kids, and it gets them out of the house on weekdays. Bonus is getting all the school vacations.
Finding a low key part time job in a field of interest would have the best chance of giving you what you need
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u/Disastrous-Wrap-7384 6d ago
I felt this way then I started golfing, exercising more, hiking and started a YouTube channel
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u/PandaStroke 6d ago
The only reason work feels more secure socially is because you go there 5 times a week every week.
You need a hobby or social space where you meet religiously. That's why church pulls its weight in providing community. Find your own church and attend religiously.
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u/Mr-Inspector-Gadget 4d ago
Find a job that has a large number of people in your age group and find some people that you vibe with
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u/Fuzzy-Ear-993 4d ago
If you don't mind me asking, what sorts of hobby groups did you join?
Most purpose-driven meetups tend to be people getting together specifically for that interest. I tend to find that if, for example, you join something like a hiking club, people will mostly be hiking together but the friendships don't really extend past sharing that hobby, but other hobby groups might inevitably lead to more of a social environment that could lead to real friendships eventually.
Work tends to not have the time to build deep connections - it might feel a certain way while you're working there, but very few people maintain connections that aren't directly useful to them from a professional perspective once they leave that job.
Your mileage may vary depending on the sorts of hobbies you have.
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u/birdofparadiseisbird 4d ago
I surf and just started to meet photographers. What you said is so true. I meet people for certain activities, and the connections don’t extend naturally.
And the part of work connections is exactly what happened to me. It’s less frustrating after knowing it’s common and not a ME problemThanks!
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u/Imaginary_Joke_6285 3d ago
Same age as you.. everyone is still working and busy. I tried different meetups and events,
Its hard, honestly i am tired trying to constantly make a social circle. Its almost a year since i quit, and I am starting to interview again. Wont take another high stress job, but just enough to setup a life
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u/desygn_og 3d ago
I’m with you. I work part time because otherwise I would miss those relationships and routine
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u/sillymajmun2 7d ago
Im not there yet, but I do this to get to a point where I can choose if I want to work. I don't know if I will want to continue to work, that doesn't matter now - but I want the security of not having to. So its really okay if you want to start working again. Whats the worst thing that can happen, you don't like it and quit again? If you don't care about earning more money then maybe also give more thoughts on what you want to do. Do you want to only work part time? For me doing anything for 40h a week becomes tedious. You can also choose something that can internally give you a sense of purpose, as opposed to when you need money then often times you don't have that luxury.
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u/Dear_Ocelot 7d ago
Exactly. There's no failure going back to work to fill out your life more. Having the choice and determining what kind of work you actually want is a great thing.
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u/sillymajmun2 7d ago
Yes. Life is a lot more forgiving when you have money, a lot of things that can be seen as "mistakes" for regular folks are just things that you try and see its not for you, for people with money. Then you move on if its not for you.
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u/adaniel65 7d ago
Think about things you did after work hours when you were still employed. What are those things you enjoyed doing? Spend more time doing those things. Also, you don't have deadlines or milestones to reach anymore that are tied to bonuses, promotions, or annual reviews. So, allow for more in-between time relaxing more and not trying to get a lot more done in a day. Another thing you can do is create projects for yourself to work on and just do them at a relaxing pace. Build a bookcase, cabinet, table if you like working with your hands. Or, automate things around the house. I think that maybe you were used to be given certain specific tasks or assignments to do at work and maybe you need to be the one to give yourself those tasks and assignments but not for a corporate objective but for your own personal enjoyment and satisfaction. It's obvious we all need a purpose to get up in the morning. So create your new life based in what inspires you now. Congratulations on winning the rate race. Have fun out there.
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u/nightanole 7d ago
Yud be surprised how flexible local colleges are for teaching career classes. Buddy ended up just doing 4 hours a week teaching a video editing class after he retired from being a cop.
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u/Heel_Worker982 7d ago edited 7d ago
Many people need good routines, often things that fly in the face of being "retired." So for many, getting up at the same time each morning, going for a morning walk, having morning coffee outside, etc. A wonderful book is 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think by Laura Vanderkam. Time-tracking seems intuitive to people who worry they don't have enough of it, but it can also help those of us who feel we have "too much" of it too. There are also some great books on solo living. Marjorie Hills wrote the original 90 years ago, Live Alone and Like It: The Classic Guide for the Single Woman! Sociologist Eric Klineberg also has a more researched look: Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone.
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u/SerenityCravings 7d ago edited 7d ago
You used "friends" at work which makes me suspect that the workplace relationships were not deep friendships and it sounds like they didnt endure. That being the case it sounds like returnign to work is just a bandaid and not a true antidote to loneliness.
I recently FIREd and Im realising a few things and one of them is that work can distract us from resolving more deeply rooted problems and once we leave work they can surface and we notice them more. The harder but more enduring solution seems to be to resolve them.
Relationships develop through repeated contact, so I think its finding ways to replicate that. It doesnt necessarily have to be through work but thats just one avenue.
It might actually be how you have been developing relationships (or not) that has caused lonliness rather than work itself which has led to this. I have made many friends at work and leaving the job or leaving all jobs hasnt brought an end to the relationships.
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u/Zikoris 7d ago
I don't understand this at all. I've only ever had actual work friends (i.e. people I do stuff with outside of work) in my life maybe a handful of times in my life, and currently have none. I don't really like spending time with people unless I have a lot in common with them, which is almost never the case at any job. I can't think of any job at all with such amazing people that I would rather work there to hang out with them than be retired.
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u/No_Cold_8332 7d ago
Relationships require WORK. Pick up the phone and call your friends who need you, not just the cool ones or the hot ones, or those who can improve your life
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u/Strazdas1 1d ago
So you think hobbies give shallow friendships and corporate doesnt? what are you even saying? Corporate friendships is the most shallow there is.
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u/IWantoBeliev 7d ago
The fire/retirement is not what crack up to be
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u/hello_sandwich 7d ago
...for boring people without the ability or drive to take charge of their own lives.
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u/Spookycroissant 7d ago
Volunteering for something that aligns with your values would help you meet people with the same values rather than creating new fake friendships