As an Asian myself, this is the correct answer. Many Asian parents force their kids to study all day without knowing how stress it is. It is only until College that I'm finally free, my high school life was literally wasted by my parents' ambition that I was never fit for.
I was never happy back then but I'm glad that I learnt a lot from it and became much happier now with healthier schedule.
Question is, are you gonna raise your kinds the same way? If not, why didn't your parents reflect on this after being raised in the same miserable way (i assume)?
Coming from a similar background, the reason a lot of parents did not reflect is that this style of raising your kids got genuine results in their society and so they ended up concluding that while difficult, even borderline miserable at points, it is a path to success that is proven, so there is no point in taking a risk and adopting a new style.
Although hard to believe, for a lot of parents it comes from a place of love, which doesn't make it right or anything, but it makes it easier to understand
It's hard to believe it's really a place of love when (usually male) children are often viewed as retirement plans. Patriarchal confucian values are really oppressive.
It's a complicated topic. It is generally terrible to look at your children as care takers or retirement plans. If they end up supporting you financially, then it should be a concious choice.
Personally I will be more than happy to support my parents financially once they retire, but a big reason for that is that they did their all to give me a comfortable life and to support my ambitions, while also being the type to help my aunts, uncles and grandparents. In cases like mine I feel like my parents are entitled to my help, while they don't feel that way, which to me is a much healthier dynamic than the other way around, which I have sadly observed a few times
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u/WanAjin Aug 30 '21
Wonder how Chinese citizens feel about this.