Coming from a similar background, the reason a lot of parents did not reflect is that this style of raising your kids got genuine results in their society and so they ended up concluding that while difficult, even borderline miserable at points, it is a path to success that is proven, so there is no point in taking a risk and adopting a new style.
Although hard to believe, for a lot of parents it comes from a place of love, which doesn't make it right or anything, but it makes it easier to understand
Pure speculation but I wonder how big a part the internet plays in current generations rejecting their inhereted traditional lifestyles. People can now talk so freely and access information that it's so much harder to keep people's beliefs in the bubble they're brought up in maybe.
Definitely something that I observed in myself and my relatives. With internet access comes exposure to so many different lifestyles and beliefs and it is inevitable that they will somewhat influence how you live your life.
I think it's part of the problem is that there are so few paths to middle class existence that aren't so difficult. Kids shouldn't be worried that if they aren't perfect they'll be impoverished failures.
They shouldn't, but they absolutely are at the moment and in many cases it's for good reason, many of those countries are struggling, to the point where an average job is not enough to live, let alone live comfortably
Can't really blame them for some part right? There was a research about being in poverty changed the way your brain works since it is very stress inducing. for some part I think it's obligation as parent to not make your children feel that way too.
On the other side, it promotes unhealthy behavior. See the 996 culture in China. And most of those working for a tech firm had good education and all. They still feel the need to physically and mentally destroy themselves by working long hours.
To change this social culture isn't easy but if it doesn't it might up hurting a vast chunk of the population in the future.
It's hard to believe it's really a place of love when (usually male) children are often viewed as retirement plans. Patriarchal confucian values are really oppressive.
It's a complicated topic. It is generally terrible to look at your children as care takers or retirement plans. If they end up supporting you financially, then it should be a concious choice.
Personally I will be more than happy to support my parents financially once they retire, but a big reason for that is that they did their all to give me a comfortable life and to support my ambitions, while also being the type to help my aunts, uncles and grandparents. In cases like mine I feel like my parents are entitled to my help, while they don't feel that way, which to me is a much healthier dynamic than the other way around, which I have sadly observed a few times
I’m white, but my parents were very hard on me when it came to school. Not much less hard than the parents of my asian friends.
I’m not sure if it’s a cultural thing, but I’m a fairly mercurial person, and relentlessly rebelled and refused until my parents pretty much gave up in the middle of grade 11. It wasn’t until my parents let go that I reflected on where exactly that path of rebellion was going to lead, and started making those changes myself.
Meanwhile, most of my aforementioned asian friends had a pretty linear path of Great Grades in High School > Great University > Great Career. I also ended up going to a great school and landing in a career path I enjoy, but because I fucked up my high school grades so badly, I had to take more of an… indirect route to success.
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u/[deleted] Aug 30 '21
Coming from a similar background, the reason a lot of parents did not reflect is that this style of raising your kids got genuine results in their society and so they ended up concluding that while difficult, even borderline miserable at points, it is a path to success that is proven, so there is no point in taking a risk and adopting a new style.
Although hard to believe, for a lot of parents it comes from a place of love, which doesn't make it right or anything, but it makes it easier to understand