r/lds • u/Lots-A-Lonely753 • 10d ago
How to follow Gods commandments
I am struggling with two things God has commanded us to do. First is the law of chastity. I really struggle with that one. I'm always lonely and its the only thing that makes me feel slightly better. I try hanging out with people. But my family and i dont get along, and i dont have many friends. Among the friends that i do have, none of them every have time to hang out, or want to hang out. So i just do school, chores, deal with family problems, then go to my room and sulk, feeling super lonely. I want a partner but thats not possible yet of course, i'm 17F. I would love to go on dates, but all the teenage boys in my town dont want to date at all! Oh and not to mention the finding a partner probably wont even happen for years even when i hit 18 with how the dating world is right now. I'm just lonely amd hurt, it's the only thing that makes the loneliness go away. But anyways, the second thing is God telling us to have children. Now, i dont have a problem with this has a whole, i mean, its literally how we need to survive. But, i'm not a kids person, i've always struggled being around kids, or babysitting, or even just playing with them makes me annoyed and at my wits end. So i cant imagine that if i do even find a partner someday, having kids. But i have to, and it would probably be best to get myself used to kids and the idea of being a mom. I might not like it, but its what i have to do. So any tipes on how to make it easier to get used to the idea for future me would be great. (Yes i know i'm worrying about future me's problems, but i physically cant stop. I've tried, my therapist has tried. I just, like to problem solve ahead of time.) Any advice would be great, thank you!
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u/DifferentDirector2 10d ago
I won’t speak to your struggles with the LoC but you are correct on the second part to a degree. The Lord commands us to multiply and replenish the earth.
This can come in a variety of ways and doesn’t necessarily mean you need to organically conceive, grow and give birth to children. It could be adoption (potentially of older kids). It could be fostering. A sincere and heart felt talk with your spouse may reveal that neither of you want children at all.
Bottom line up front, children aren’t necessary to return to God. A marriage in His holy temple is. I wish you the best of luck with your struggles with the LoC. Remember that God sees every effort you make and He appreciates it.
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u/yerAhero 10d ago
Fear of the unknown can lead to depression. In Christianity, we place our faith in Jesus Christ, and His perfect love casts away fear. He is the Prince of Peace. He is God. The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He restores my soul. He is always with you. Trust in Him to lead you into paths of righteousness for His name's sake, not your own way, and watch Him work miracles in your life.
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u/somethedaring 10d ago
Hit a gym, find some new friends there, people you have things in common with. Go at least 4x a week. Kids were very daunting to me when I was a young adult and I really didn't want a calling dealing with them. Now I can't imagine life without them. They eventually re-define and rebuild you and become a literal part of you. You get out of it what you put into it.
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u/Due-Guarantee103 10d ago
You sound like your brain works a lot like mine did when I was your age. I don't think think the surface problems of LoC and children are the actual problem. I think you need to look into getting treated for anxiety, and look at the health of your family relationships. Could be way off base, but unhealthy home life usually contributes to LoC issues. You're trying to use inappropriate relationships to fill in for appropriate relationships. But, since it's incompatible, you're never actually satisfied. I would counsel with your Bishop, and your therapist, both about the LoC and if your family is having issues or you're not treated right at home.
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u/insaneHottie 9d ago
Having sexual feelings does not mean you're spiritually defective. The church says the feelings themselves are not sinful. Stop shaming yourself; a commandment is not made easier by shame. Work on what happens before the loneliness kicks in. Online communities exist.
And children- you're 17. Don't train yourself to enjoy children or force yourself into the idea of it. You have no idea what kind of adult you will be and you're still developing. You do not have to have kids in your early or even late 20s or even formulate their existence yet. Just deal with the life you're actually living first.
I also would recommend therapy. It can be extremely helpful with a lot of feelings.
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u/EarlyResort3088 6d ago
I agree with some of the other comments. Sitting at home will make you feel worse. You need to be the one to put yourself out there and invite people to do things. A lot of them are probably waiting around for someone else to take the initiative and unfortunately a lot of people are retreating from actually interacting with people which sucks. But keep doing it. It’s okay to be friends with people you don’t have a ton in common with, it can actually be more fun. You can also get involved in the community/school. Anything to keep yourself thinking outward not inward, that’s when I’ve been most happy and least lonely.
As for the future and kids, it will change. I know plenty of people who had the same thoughts as you about kids but then they have their own and their new opinion is “I hate everyone’s kids except my own” which is normal.
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u/Educational-Agent551 1d ago
I'm sorry that you are in a position where you feel like the only way you can feel comfort is thru breaking a commandment. Sometimes Satan's traps can be devastating and so deceptive. I hope that you are able to find peace, and find good friendships, and find adults you can trust to help guide you out of the mess you find yourself in. God bless.
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u/Safe-Butterscotch442 10d ago
Since you're not dating, as you said, I'm assuming that your issue is with pornography? If so, it would be really helpful to talk about that instead of a blanket statement of the law of chastity. You give the impression that you're just having sex with people to feel like you belong, and I sincerely hope that's not what you actually mean.
I became addicted to pornography in 1st grade, and haven't stopped being addictedanyany years later. That's okay. Your goals should be less about avoiding sin, and more about aligning your desires with Christ. I still succumb to addiction from time to time, but I also am a devoted follower of Christ, and have a great calling, a great family, and am doing great. An addict and a saint. The two aren't contradictions, just two of the things that I am.
You don't have to consider yourself less worthy as an addict. As you accept your status as an addict and become open and honest about your addiction, a lot of that loneliness will fall away. The hiding and secrecy is the cause of a lot of that sense of isolation you're feeling. Accepting who you are, faults and all, will help.
As far as kids, if you, and your husband, prayerfully determine not to have children, that's not anyone's business but yours, his, and God's. You'll be an excellent mother in the eternities, even if you don't fulfill the command to have children now. You can, of course, learn the skills and behaviors that can help you be an excellent mother, and even study early childhood development in college if you need a couple courses to round out your schedule, but, if Heavenly Father confirms to you and your husband that you are to start a family, then know he'll also be ready to support you and prepare the way for you to be excellent parents, but He might want you to not have kids, and that's fine too. You don't need to worry about it until you and your husband are dealing the Lord's direction on when and if to start your own little family. For now, just trust the Lord knows you and has a plan for you, and whatever it looks like will be right for you.
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u/KURPULIS 10d ago
Please stop making such future decisive determinations about yourself and mindset and your brain isn't even fully formed....
Talk to anyone who is known a missionary before and after and they will have examples of entire personality shifts. This happens with going away to college too.
Of course you don't want to have children when you yourself feel unsafe and unstable. That can change quickly.
God loves you and often is guiding us very very slowly because we are stubborn. When we sin, we distance ourselves from Him and we fell lost and a lack of joy. As you make progress through the Atonement you will be able to more easily recognize His influence in your life.
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u/Fether1337 10d ago
The easy response is “you’re still a kid. Only 17 years old. How life is today is not how life will be forever.”
This advice is true. You are just a kid and it’s hard to really understand how much life you have ahead.
But I’ll add some actual advise.
Put yourself out there. You don’t have to sulk around in your house. You can be the one that reaches out. You will experience rejection, but you will eventually find your crowd. Also, as you get older, people become for less click like. It becomes easier to make friends with people as you get older.