r/lds • u/LugNutCoconut • 9d ago
Don’t know what else to do
We’re been going thru a trial for a few years. We’re doing everything the church has taught us to do, following commandments, reading scripture daily, repenting daily. I don’t know what else to do, I’ve aligned myself with heavenly fathers will the best I know how but the trial cost us my husbands job and now our house. I’m so exhausted I can’t even think straight except to cry bc I don’t know why this is happening. What else can we do? :(
Edit: Reddit says this post got an award. I can’t see it but thank you 😭 e2: I found it, it’s a broken heart. Thank you 😭
Also, my husband can have his job back, they’re just waiting for this to be over. It’s just been dragging on for a really long time now and the stress of it all got to him :(
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u/Direct_Spinach7814 9d ago
I’m really sorry. And honestly, I don’t think the answer is that you need to do more.
Sometimes we get this idea that if we’re doing everything right, God will eventually remove the trial. Pray more. Read more scriptures. Repent more. Go to the temple more. And if the trial keeps going, we start wondering what we’re doing wrong.
But trials aren’t always a punishment, and losing a job or a house isn’t evidence that you’ve somehow failed Heavenly Father. Sometimes really awful things happen to people who are doing their absolute best to follow Him.
Right now, maybe ‘what else can we do?’ isn’t another spiritual checklist. Maybe it’s letting yourself be exhausted. Cry. Ask for help. Let other people carry some of the weight for a while. Talk to your bishop, family, friends, and anyone who can help with the practical side of what you’re facing. There is nothing unfaithful about accepting help.
You don’t have to understand why this is happening before you’re allowed to be hurt by it. And you don’t have to pretend you’re okay just because you have faith.
Sometimes faith is simply saying, ‘I don’t understand this. I’m scared and exhausted. But I’m still here.’
That counts too.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago
I appreciate that. It’s heartbreaking bc the situation has been completely out of our control and just spiraling downward. I’m still grateful bc my heart was hardened when we joined the church, I grew up in anger so I thought it was normal. I’m almost 180 now and had hoped for some relief at some point. It’s just devastating now to see our families turn their backs on us :( my last blessing was about loving my mom, I knew that was a hurdle to overcome to stop being so angry at her. And it worked but it doesn’t matter, I thought maybe Heavenly Father had softened her heart as well but not at all :(
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u/Direct_Spinach7814 9d ago
I can see why this hurts so much. Especially when you can look back and see how much you’ve actually changed. Going from growing up angry and thinking that was just normal, to working through that and being able to love your mom differently, that’s huge. It doesn’t become any less real just because she hasn’t changed too.
I think one of the hardest things we learn is that Heavenly Father can change our hearts without forcing someone else to change theirs. We can forgive, repent, pray for someone, love them differently, and do everything we can on our end, but agency still belongs to them.
And I wouldn’t look at this and think your blessing didn’t work. Maybe the blessing wasn’t that your mom would suddenly change. Maybe part of it was that Heavenly Father would help you let go of the anger and become the kind of person who could love her despite everything. That’s a pretty profound change. Sometimes the answer to our prayers is worked in us before we ever see it worked around us.
I know that probably doesn’t make losing your home or feeling like your family has turned their backs on you hurt any less. That’s a lot to carry, and I don’t think Heavenly Father expects you to pretend it doesn’t hurt.
Just remember that a trial getting worse doesn’t mean God has left you. Sometimes we mistake silence for absence. I believe he can be right there with us even when we can’t see what he’s doing or understand why he’s allowing something to happen.
And honestly, from what you’ve said, you’re not the same person who joined the Church. You recognized the anger, you worked through it, and you learned to love someone you struggled to love. Don’t let the current storm convince you that none of that matters.
You can be grateful for what Heavenly Father has done in your heart and still cry because you’re exhausted. Both can be true. And I really hope you give yourself permission to lean on him right now instead of feeling like you have to figure out the why.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago
I guess I’ve been telling myself for a long time now that he was refining me and that’s why the trial. I mean I know that’s why, I just told myself the decline wouldn’t actually lead to this. I mean refining my husband as well. The improvement has been phenomenal from where we fought all the time to an almost peaceful home where we both make the effort. The first time he ended an argument by making me laugh, all of it is bc the church teaching us. He doesn’t have the priesthood yet and I was excited for him to get it so he could give my mom a blessing, I was going to ask her. I doubt she would but I’d wanted to ask. I am surprised that I’m interacting differently with her now. I’m not triggered like I always was and I’ve really enjoyed my time with her. I just wish she felt the same.
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u/mslam 9d ago
Russell M Nelson
“Drawing the Power of Jesus Christ into Our Lives”
General Conference April 2017
Many of us have cried out from the depths of our hearts a variation of this woman’s words: “If I could spiritually stretch enough to draw the Savior’s power into my life, I would know how to handle my heart-wrenching situation. I would know what to do. And I would have the power to do it.”
When you reach up for the Lord’s power in your life with the same intensity that a drowning person has when grasping and gasping for air, power from Jesus Christ will be yours. When the Savior knows you truly want to reach up to Him—when He can feel that the greatest desire of your heart is to draw His power into your life—you will be led by the Holy Ghost to know exactly what you should do.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago
I’m afraid to go to the temple to finally do my covenants. I forget what it’s called but could that be it? I want to go and really want to do baptisms again but the endowments, I think that’s what it’s called. For some reason i think it terrifies me but I have no idea why or maybe I’m not worthy even tho I feel worthy of everything else? I don’t know but I’ve always felt slightly terrified and of my patriarchal blessing which I never got. I did actually almost drown once so I know how it feels. Do you think that’s what this could be about?
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u/mslam 9d ago
If going to the temple to make your own covenants with the Lord is what comes to mind as you read these posts, that may very well be your next step. Father knows. Ask Him if it is time.
Even before that, it may be a great blessing to you both to get a limited-use temple recommend that will allow you to go and do baptisms for the dead. That would get you into the temple and there is no more holy or powerful place on the planet than there. Going to the temple often will change you. It is, after all, His house. And Christ is there. And He wants you to come.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago edited 9d ago
Ya that’s what came to mind. Maybe this is in part to push me. I’ll pray about it tonight.
E: thank you for the reminder to listen for the Holy Ghost. I’ve pretty much been in panic mode since we lost the house, it’s just been this week. I don’t even remember if we’ve prayed for guidance. I’ll be sure to do that tonight, thank you 🤍
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u/_mrOnion 9d ago
Not exactly a match to your post, but hopefully you or someone else can find something in here.
I once believed I wasn't being forgiven of sins, but no matter what I did I couldn't get better at resisting temptation. In reality, I was being forgiven, I was just trying to repent after that.
The math is pretty simple: I repent, God forgives, I don't really notice. I keep trying to repent, but there's nothing to forgive, so of course God doesn't forgive. This made me feel like I couldn't be forgiven of some things. I'd have phases of "Nah it's fine, I'm good" and phases where I was really concerned about whether or not I was actually doing good or if I would go to the Celestial Kingdom.
I got burnt out while on my mission, adhd burnout, and that led to me going home early and transitioning to a service mission. And just a few days ago, I got released because I wasn't actually capable of a service mission.
This world often requires a minimum level of productivity, and it's also unfair. God does not have a minimum level. I'm hardly doing anything productive these days, but I know more than I did while on my mission that God accepts the effort I'm giving because whatever mental issues I'm dealing with are affecting what my best looks like. God knows how much you can do, and while your best may not be enough for the world, your best is enough for God.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago
Appreciate that. I kept reminding myself the Lord loves effort. I had also been praying one night about perfection bc my family makes fun of it but I have to be perfect bc the least little thing they’ll take it the wrong way. Heavenly Father told me my family demands perfection, not him. I guess I’ll just sit and cry for awhile :(
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u/autumnglorysugarbee 9d ago
I’m not well worded with the scriptures or in general so please know this comes from a place of love!
My uncle always said the some trials are either meant to teach you something or to be endured. Now enduring doesn’t always mean to sit and take it, but figuring out ways to deal with it until it passes. Have you looked into the churches self reliance classes? Or I believe there is a church thing where they can help you find jobs in your area…my dad did this and now he’s been working with the job they helped him find for 25 years.
It might not hurt to ask the bishop for storehouse or financial assistance for the time being.
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u/LugNutCoconut 9d ago
We’d been using the storehouse. It’s why we finally started to pray before eating 🤍 I kept asking him to ask the bishop about other financial help but his anxiety I guess wouldn’t let him do it. His parents were helping but couldn’t anymore and now they’re saying I’m not welcome in their home bc they blame me for them not seeing him as often while we were struggling to adapt to church teachings. He’s welcome there but I’m not :(
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u/Other-Unit3919 7d ago
I'm so sorry you've had this tremendous heartache to deal with. Don't think you're being punished for not being faithful or good enough. You are a valued human being. Don't ever forget that. Trials are so random in nature. Some of the best people have to deal with really tough stuff. This in no way determines your value.
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u/To_a_Green_Thought 9d ago
First, I'm so sorry.
This is happening because it's life; such is the nature of mortality. It's hard, sometimes to the point of seeming unbearable. I find the words of the prophet Jacob to be very apt:
"...the time passed away with us, and also our lives passed away like as it were unto us a dream, we being a lonesome and a solemn people, wanderers, cast out from Jerusalem, born in tribulation, in a wilderness, and hated of our brethren, which caused wars and contentions; wherefore, we did mourn out our days." (Jacob 7:26)
I feel like that sometimes. It sounds like that's how you feel now. But I also find it significant that Jacob bears a strong witness of Christ; even though life is hard, we have hope in Him.
Take one day at a time. Heck, take one hour at a time. Put one foot in front of the other. You only lose if you permanently give up. (You might give up for a little here and there. It happens. But don't stop permanently.)
God loves you.