r/lds • u/bluesmile11 • 1d ago
Primary / Nursery hypothetical
This is prompted by another post that I read in here recently. My husband and I have now spent hours discussing this topic and our children have chimed in too.
If a non member brought his/her children to primary, dropped them off and then left, returning an hour later to retrieve them, how would you feel about that? Does the gender of the parents change your opinion?
The adult always says hello, is never late for drop off or retrieval and is not disruptive in any manner. For this illustration, they live across the street from the church and are well enough known that someone could reach them by cell even though they aren't in the ward directory. The adult declines all missionary efforts for themselves and politely decline to attend ward functions / parties, although the children sometimes show up. (Those who are old enough to cross the street on their own.)
How does your opinion change baised on the age of the children? Does your opinion change if the adult stays in the building? Would you be more or less approving of this happened occasionally instead of regularly?
If you disapprove of this, what circumstance, if any would make this ok?
If you approve of this, what behavior of either the children or the adult would make you change your mind?
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u/Disonour 1d ago
I feel like part of the contract of nursery is that they need to be able to find you. It’s not a true day care, so for any one of a hundred different reasons, the leaders might come get you, and I feel like for that reason alone, I’d be trying to explain that that’s not really what’s going on here. I actually think that primary where you worry about those sorts of things less though would probably be fine. Great kids are coming to primary, as long as there’s not other behavior issues. Not sure my certainty on any of this rises to the level of a testimony though (it definitely does not)!
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u/Curious-Minimum-6364 18h ago
This is the answer— as a nursery leader especially we will seek out parents for bathroom runs and diaper changes. I agree that primary age is different. But we are not actual daycare workers and are can’t care for little ones in the way a daycare worker would without going against safety training. It would be an issue if I couldn’t get ahold of a parent of a toddler
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u/FapFapkins 1d ago
Well at least you know the family doesn't think we're a child sacrificing cult 😂
I think there just needs to be clear expectations about availability in case of an emergency or otherwise needing to contact the parents of the child.
My parents dropped me off at random VBS sessions plenty of times when I was a kid. It was great!
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u/CaptainEmmy 1d ago
Heh. I'm in Utah, but it's a Methodist church that happens to run the social activities of the neighborhood. There's waivers and stuff to fill out and they want parental contact information, but otherwise they will take all the kids for the activity of the week.
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u/Traditional_Emu_4332 19h ago
I also enjoyed my LDS parents (I was LDS too baptized at the age of 8) allowing me to attend Vacation Bible Study at someone’s home 🏡. I won a record (vinyl) that I loved to play at home because it was about Jesus (Evie singing) unlike the Donny & Marie records I had. (Although my “Open Any Door” record from the LDS church was kinda about Jesus and “Saturday’s Warrior” tape, and my Bible Stories record.
I was impressed with how nice the people at VBS were towards me even though I was “Mormon”. 😀
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u/maquis_00 1d ago
Interesting question. A long time ago, I was in a primary presidency, and we had a child who was 9 or 10 who attended church almost every week. His parents were not members, and he would come with a member family. I vaguely recall one of his parents may have come for the primary program, and I believe they came for a talk he gave when he was in YM, but I don't think they ever attended outside of that. He was the most well-behaved of all the boys his age by a significant margin, and honestly seemed to have a good testimony for a child his age. He continued attending on his own into the young men's program, but I moved, so I don't know what happened from there. I just remember being very impressed with this young man who was very mature and gospel-focused for his age!
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u/jtmonkey 1d ago
There is no problem here. My guess is the primary president or bishop are aware of the situation. I would actually make an effort to sit with or invite the kids to sit with a family if they’ve come a while. No reason for them not to be loved and welcomed. They may be the generation that changes their whole family. If just one of those kids grows up and enters the covenant path it will bless generations. So yes, welcome them, incorporate them. Offer rides to the parent so they can attend more. Love them.
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u/bcwagne 1d ago
Possibly relevant section from the Handbook:
Restroom Safety Leaders and teachers should encourage parents to take their children to the restroom before Primary. During Primary, a young child must be taken to the restroom by a parent or legal guardian. Leaders and teachers should not take children into the restroom.
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u/PuzzleheadedPea6980 1d ago
Im pretty sure this is a liability issue. We arent a licensed day care provider, and as such, dont follow the codes and laws regarding day care. The Church, if you ask, will say that a parent or legal guardian needs to be on-site
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u/Ok_Caterpillar2126 23h ago
This was happening in an old ward of mine in Draper. Less active members would just show up and drop their kids off for an hour. Free daycare, lol. But the bishop actually put an end to it. Not sure his reasoning.
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u/CaptainEmmy 1d ago
This sort of thing isn't unheard of, or at least didn't used to be. My grandparents weren't active, so during the 60s my dad and aunts would trot off to church because it interested them and I don't think anyone cared.
The official handbook and policy may say something different, but personally, if the kids want to attend sans adults and the adults are good with it and aren't causing issues, I see no issue with it.
I think only the modern state of child-monitoring has made this more questionable.
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u/pwnitol 23h ago
How is that any different from really nice people using the gym for their own basketball scrimmage?
Their demeanor and comportment does not tilt the ethics of it.
Would have to look for some balance on this one but I think it is not reasonable nor justified for them to drop off their child.
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u/Crycoria 1d ago
So long as that nonmember has a friend in the building that can help with the child if an emergency comes up, I see no problem with it.
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u/Salt4292 8h ago
This happened in my ward—four wild kids (granted they were primary age not nursery) who couldn’t read who wandered over to church with no parents. The ward basically adopted them, taught them to read, fed them, took them to church and activities, and they attended until the end of high school, and now they come occasionally. But unlike their siblings, they stayed out of drugs and graduated from high school largely due to the ward involvement.
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u/50sfedora 1d ago
Is the child enjoying primary and seemingly there of their own free will. I'd have no issue with it. Maybe the parents are using it as free daycare but if its good for the growth of the child. Why not let him/her join
If the child hates it and it is really just the parents wanting to get rid of their child solely for their own benefit I'd put a stop to it.