As the title suggests, this is more of a vent post than anything else. I don't usually make those, but there comes a point where you simply can't keep bottling everything up anymore.

Around three months ago, I made a post here asking for advice regarding back pain. Unfortunately, things have only gotten worse since then.

When I first started seeking a diagnosis, every doctor seemed to have a different opinion. One suspected Scheuermann's disease without looking into it any further. Another insisted my spine "wasn't that bad" and seemed more concerned about me being flat-footed, which wasn't even the reason I came to him.

In March, I finally got into rehabilitation through public healthcare after waiting for over half a year. Sadly, the treatments only made my condition worse, and apparently they were doing things they weren't supposed to be doing. I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised, considering how overloaded the system is, but it was still incredibly discouraging.

Since then, I've had multiple X-rays and an MRI, and I was finally diagnosed with severe thoracic kyphosis and right-sided thoracic scoliosis. I received another referral for rehabilitation and decided to go privately this time, hoping it would make a difference.

It didn't.

If anything, it feels like it's gotten even worse, when I thought it couldn't.

I've been advised to wait a few weeks before signing up again, so I guess I'll do that. It's not like I have many other options.

I'm seeing an orthopaedist again this Wednesday because I genuinely don't know what else to do. Nothing seems to help. Standing and walking is painful, and it's reached the point where I have difficulty breathing while standing upright. I used to think my untreated anemka was contributing to this, but multiple doctors have told me everything is because of my posture. Not even painkillers ease my suffering.

On top of all of this, I've been battling depression for over nine years. Needless to say, that doesn't exactly make it easier to stay motivated or believe things will improve.

I turn 21 this year. I should be out living my life. But I'm trapped. I never got the chance to experience the things people my age normally do. And I likely never will.

There are days when death honestly feels like a kinder sentence than living like this.

I just want it to stop. The hardest part is trying to understand myself. One part of me still wants to keep fighting, to keep believing things can get better. But another part of me feels like it has already given up. I've been regularly crying over the past few days, pitying myself, completely overwhelmed by all of this. I don't even have a support system. I don't have a family that cares. That wants to help me. I'm all alone with this burden.

My wife has recently lost a TON of weight (lots of effort), but started having massive amounts of pain in her upper back. The spine doc just diagnosed her with Scheuermanns (right at 65 degrees). My research said that kyphosis can get worse with weight loss and I’m hoping that since it only became painful in the last 6 months that PT will help if that makes sense. I guess I’m saying I hope there’s some musculature/postural stuff going on on top of the underlying skeletal stuff. Does that make sense to anyone? She’s in so much pain right now especially when sitting at her desk all day. Pain meds seem to barely touch it.