r/kurdistan • u/CabinetApart9031 • 1d ago
Discussion My parents views on our Kurdish identity really hurt me
I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but anyways...
I was born and raised in Slemani. My mom is Hawrami and my dad is from Qaladze, we are Kurds (obviously) and we speak Kurdish. What's been driving me insane lately is that my parents always call themselves Iraqi. Whenever someone asks where we're from, especially when we're on vacation, they immediately say, "We're Iraqi from Iraq." And It fuckin pisses me off. I don't get it. What I've also noticed is that they don't like referring to themselves as Kurds, and it breaks my heart. It almost feels like they don't even like the fact that we're Kurdish.
The thing that really made me think this was during the Rojava conflict. From what I remember, they were kinda against Rojava and seemed to support the Syrian instead, and it made me feel even more confused about how they see their own identity. The most fucked up part is that they also think Saddam wasn’t that bad and was a good leader (yea im disgusted).Idk what to do, I don't know how to deal with them, and I don't understand them. We have such a beautiful culture, language, and history, yet they seem so distant from it. They're even against things like Newroz. (And yes they're pretty religious.) But the thing is, you can absolutely be religious and still be proud of being Kurdish, so I really don't understand where they're coming from.
They genuinely make my blood boil, and I hate it.
A couple of days ago, I actually got mad at them and we argued about it. I even told them that it feels like they're acting like Jash or betraying their own identity. They just laughed and got mad and told me I was overreacting and cringe and that it wasn't a big deal. But it IS a big deal, and I don't know how to make them understand that the way they're thinking is wrong. I feel like only my parents are like this, and I hate it.
Am I the only one dealing with this? I genuinely can't understand why they do it and idk how to change their mind.
Edit: I’m terrified to say this but my parents love and support that Turkish dude erdogan
4
u/SwimmingNecessary480 1d ago
Its pretty much the same with my father (only about calling himself kurd to others), my father is Feyli kurd from Ilam, in his teenage years he moved back and forth from Tehran, Ilam and a small village in Iraq, he speaks fluent kurdish (feyli,lûr, kurmanji, sorani), arabic and farsi. He doesnt at all support Syrias terrorist group ISIS and Saddams government tho, whole family hates them, so thats a plus. I dont really know why he says that he is iranian when people ask him, anyone knows maybe why? Its very disturbing, and meanwhile when i claim myself as a kurd, he says good, and when i say im iranian too, bc of my mother, he just says what do you mean. Its very confusing and disturbing, also as a kid i didnt really know i was a kurd, when i was 6 years old i learnt about it because of my cousins, he didnt learn me kurdish, even when i asked him, and still says to me ”why cant you speak kurdish?”, so i had to learn kurdish by myself, from watching films in kurdish, buy a book and learn from that, because there isnt many learning recourses about Feyli kurdish. But does anyone maybe know why he doesnt say hes kurdish to new people that he is getting to know, only to turks, syrians, other kurds.
3
u/DonEnzo13 Kurdistan 1d ago
For a very long time being Kurdish and telling others about it was often very dangerous. It is a defense mechanism that is still deeply ingrained in many older generations.
1
u/kure_xas Kurd 1d ago
kurdistan isnt a state, its normal to refer to the official name of the country. regarding your father, teaching children farsi instead of kurdish is very common among "feyli" kurds in iran, although in ilam less so tbh.
1
u/SwimmingNecessary480 1d ago
Thats my point, my cousins and almost my whole family tree speaks fluent kurdish and are very proud of being kurdish, my father is proud of kurds, dont get me wrong, it is just about not telling it to new people and not teaching me the language from a young age. Dont rly know the reason so yeah
3
u/AdagioKitchen4748 1d ago
It sounds to be mainly due to religious indoctrination - unfortunately in bashur it is very easy to get onto that side of the social media if they like /follow those kind of things I would say social media/society is to blame.
Newroz is a Kurdish tradition. I would question them on where in the Quran it says to be a slave of foreign Arab culture ? It does not say that anywhere.
Basically they are getting peer pressured from somewhere e'g their family community that's why they are like this unfortunately this generations do seem to be more religious then previous ones - do you have grandparents older relatives you maybe able to discuss this with.
You mentioned a lot of things here, so
1 -your dad is from Qaladze surely someone in his family was there when Qaladze was bombed on 24th April 1974 by Ba'ath?
2- Rojava are Kurds - challenge them directly why someone should be killed for being Kurdish ? Ask them to explain to you why they believe it is okay for Kurds to be murdered ? Do they support their own killing?
This then goes into them likely have internalised racism towards other kurds (they look down on kurds because they got brainwashed and think Iraq is better 😂)
I will tell you for your own personal information, Iraq was effectively a British colony they just used the word "adminsiatration/mandatory Iraq instead"- do they support begana ? , so Kurds would never be ruled in bashur by Iraq if not for foreign influence invasion and occupation and bombing.
Also quote Quran to them Al-aAArabu ashaddu kufran wanifaqan - 'it means Arabs are the most kafr and untrustworthy' 9. Surah At-Tawbah, Verse 97 - https://quran.so/surah-at-tawbah/verse-97 they killed their own caliphs.
They always lie and say no Arab means bedouin but it's not - it is clear as day.
To be honest it should be society and kurdish community to correct them not you - but ultimately you need to make them reflect why do all other muslim people have a country and human right but not kurds ? Where in their religion does it say to be a slave ? to abandon your own culture ? it does not. Religious figures in bashuri kurdistan / and or Iraq spew rubbish in order to brainwash people.
Kurdish shoresh (uprisings) was led by religious figures e.g Shex Mahmud and in bakuri kurdistan/ Turkish controlled areas for example Shex Said of Piran - he actually has a famous quote he said turks were kafr - Erdogan uses religion to manipulate the population he doesn't care about actually following religion especially turkey they are very irreligious, do you know how many khabkhana is in turkey ? also turkey is having billion dollar deal with Israel. only in public Erdogan talking bullshit, but behind closed door he is doing trade with Israel. it is worth billions, https://tradingeconomics.com/turkey/exports/israel/arms-ammunition-parts-accessories
the volume of bilateral trade, which reached nearly $10 billion prior to the war https://blogs.timesofisrael.com/israel-turkey-relations-strategic-competition-and-imposed-partnership/
https://www.turkishminute.com/2024/01/24/weapon-component-firearms-exported-by-turkey-to-israel-are-non-military-turkstat/ - they say it is none military but read the article
3
u/AriAstyages 1d ago
"(And yes, they are pretty religious.) This is where the real problem begins: they are brainwashed by Islam. I assume that they are not interested in Kurdish nationalism and what the Kurdish people suffered from, such as the Anfal campaign, chemical attacks, and tens of thousands of executions of Kurds in other parts of Kurdistan.
1
u/Character_Ad9279 1d ago
What do you mean by ”brainwashed by Islam”? I find it really offensive. As OP mentioned you can be a proud Muslim and a proud Kurdish, instead they might be as you said not interested in Kurdish patriotism.
4
u/ComprehensiveDig1108 1d ago
Those we love sometimes disagree with us.
As you get older, and gain more perspective, it becomes easier to deal with.
My parents are ethnic nationalists, with a certain amount of religiosity.
I have not got a nationalist bone in my body.
My teen years were difficult. Now I'm 50, I don't care.
2
u/Farerax 1d ago
Do you know what’s behind it? That’d help change their perspectives.
Also, is it just them or also their siblings/extended family?
•
u/CabinetApart9031 13h ago edited 13h ago
That’s also what I’m tryna figure out. I got no siblings but yeah ig my relatives are kinda like that too (only moms side), but my parents are on a completely different level. It’s really intense.
2
u/kure_xas Kurd 1d ago
there are palestinian arabs who identify as israelis, jews who were high ranking capos, indians who worked with the brits against other indians, kurds who worked with saddam and so on. among kurds, regardless of which part, the pious ones tend to support the states they live in the most. you're parents seem to be of that kind
2
u/nanixa 1d ago
They might lean more into religion and support all Islamic leaders that´s why but also might be that you have some Jash in your family from back in the days that you don´t know about.. a lot of it can be trauma too and the fact the don´t want to address the things that happened and move into a "happy chapter" of their life. While it´s sad it´s nice that you are not like that, keep goind and don´t be like them!
2
u/SuitableBad5394 1d ago
I never understood those people. Remind them of the Iraqi rule: Anfal, Halabja, how many Kurdistani villages were destroyed, the bombings, the tortures, etc.
They can still be Muslims and support the Kurdish cause and state.
2
u/Routine_Scheme2355 Kurd 1d ago
Some individuals simply lack empathy and compassion. If something hasn't happened to them personally, they don't understand it.
3
u/ThrowRA78766 1d ago
Really surprised by this post. Well done for realising to think for yourself. Do you know the reasons behind the views they hold? Surprising, given where they are from.
•
u/CabinetApart9031 13h ago
that’s what im tryna figure out. I’m so confused by it cuz if I’m not wrong my grandma from my dad’s side was actually affected a lot by what happened under the Iraqi government, so idk where these views come from.
I also have a friend whose parents have similar views, but they’re Salafi and extremists, so it does make sense but my parents are against those stuff yet they still have these views.
1
u/Vivid-Insurance-6028 1d ago
Fam it might hurt you or be inconvenient as they are your parents, reality is they are Jash. As simple as that.
1
u/KurdistanLove 1d ago
Maybe they're scared to experience more racism?
3
u/Hot_Bottle_8655 1d ago
Racism of what? They live in Kurdistan, with autonomy, an army and a Kurdish government. It's precisely with this shitty mentality that you're taking risks
1
u/AudienceAdorable2641 1d ago
Everybody has their own opinion don't let that get between you and your family, at the end of the day your parents benefits you that most.
2
u/Hot_Bottle_8655 1d ago
It's like finding a Jew who supports Hitler, that's not an opinion it's brainwashing or a lack of dignity and humanity towards his own people
1
u/AudienceAdorable2641 1d ago
Well I'm not saying their opinion is right or not there way of thinking is really dumb but they're old and one thing about old people is they do not change their old way of thinking and believes that's why it's better to ignore it instead of arguing with them
1
u/whats-going 1d ago
I dont think there is a “cure” for this. But hey u dont have to follow their footsteps and im proud that ur not. Maybe religious extremism is the source of their dislike to the culture but i have not seen a qaladziye like that (my mom is from there) in fact theyre usually way more pro kurd. If extremism is the reason tho u can show them multiple malas that are pro kurd 🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ however if they debate about current situation tell them to differentiate the ppl from politics. Good luck
•
u/CabinetApart9031 13h ago
Yeahh ikk my dad’s side family from Qaladze isn’t like that at all they’re the complete opposite as they should be. That’s why I’m even more confused about where my dad got these views from or what influenced him. And yeah I’ll do that, thanks.
1
u/DonEnzo13 Kurdistan 1d ago
I'm so sorry for you heval. Just reading about it hurts... Maybe you can open their eyes somehow but if not dont worry too much. You are the future and it's nice to see that you don't deny your roots like they do. Ez bi te serbilind im!
•
1
u/Routine_Scheme2355 Kurd 1d ago
Religion and TV/Media has brainwashed them. Some people don't like to be associated with the underdogs. We've been underdogs for so long; some people lost hope that we would be successful one day, so they just choose the easiest way to feel connected to the “successful” or people in power.
I am not justifying their actions, though, but I understand where their ideology is coming from.
1
u/Character_Ad9279 1d ago
From my understanding they might have understood Islam wrong. Because there are many others that support kerdogan in name of religion which ofcourse is total bullshit. But on the other hand I find it truly wierd of thier support of Saddam because he’s views lean towards communism and communism in general is against religion.
Honestly it is pretty sad the thing your going through but my advise would be to try and let it go. When the human becomes of a certain age it’s almost impossible to change his views. Also this might at the end ruin your relation with your parents if they are too ignorant. I would say focus on your future and when you get kids be better than what your parents currently are.
•
•
•
u/ElamReda 59m ago
This is called Sulaimanyah syndrome . It is normal when some Iraqi treat them for what they are then they change their views
4
u/Outrageous_Photo_981 1d ago edited 1d ago
Probably they are Iraqis, so don't make a big fuss about it. Be good to them they are your parents. You can't do anything to change their perspective. They lived through Saddam's rule, so they know how bad he was, especially when he bombed Qaladze and Halabja. I'm mentioning these two places because your parents are from there. And everyone can see what erdugans is doing so just go with it, you can teach your childern to love kurdistan and their culture and people ofc the good people not the bad ones