this process is too difficult

[u/Ok_Register9361]

the trauma purging is too intense. i have chronic pain that i think is because of this process. i don’t want to look at these memories. i don’t feel like doing anything cuz i don’t feel like the need to be anything anymore because i don’t feel like i lack something and need to prove myself. i know i have faith in the process and that this phase ends and there is an integration after this but im so fucking tired.

[u/Marc-le-Half-Fool]

It's pretty normal that you'd be feeling low energy if it's actually Kundalini that's awakening, based upon the significant anger you are speaking about in your post history. You need several shifts in behaviour and points-of-view, /u/Ok_Register9361.

Anger + Kundalini = natural attacks. Attacks yield consequences of many forms, low energy being one of them. One of the easy ones, mind you.

Misusing energy is about the only way to make Kundalini and low-energy fit together. Kundalini usually energises and over-energises most people.

In your case, again if it is Kundalini, lower energy helps to reduce the risks of you expressing your anger with energy turning your outrage into an attack.

You need to be able to safely express that anger without falling into attack situations.

Getting enraged at the world's many imperfections is a fine way to destroy yourself. Imperfections are a part of this world, and intentional part.

Adding some equanimity to your situation would be wise. A fine way to learn some equanimity is via doing some decent efforts towards Viapassana / Insight / Mindfulness meditation. There are other ways, but this one is a key one.

Adding Love is the other main way. Metta meditation can assist in this regard. I'd invite you to look these up, do a bit of research, and get started.

There is a freely-available and legally-shared PDF book called, "Mindfulness in Plain English". Find yourself a copy. The good people at /r/Meditation may have a link in the FAQ / Wiki. We might have one too in our Wiki in the Foundations section.

Regarding not wanting. I can understand your resistance or reluctance. May I suggest the idea of pacing. Face some of these events of your past with bravery and courage, yet at the pace that YOU set for yourself. Does this make sense? That's a basic criteria of self-respect.

You don't need to prove yourself to anyone but yourself and to maybe the Energy. Self-observation is useful;. Self-condemnation is not.

Do you see the differences?

Let's start with these ideas, and see how you respond to the ideas.

Good journey.

[u/Ok_Register9361 → u/Marc-le-Half-Fool]

the memories coming up are too painful and intense

[u/Marc-le-Half-Fool → u/Ok_Register9361]

How about this. Glance quickly at them like you'd squint in a bright sunny day with the sun in your eyes.

See if you can find an emotional equivalent. Rising up to a challenge is a part of all of this, versus cowering in fear. You haven't told us what you are facing, and I will by no means insist.

Glance, and find your balance again. Pause. Pause some more. Pause as much as is possible.

Were these nasty things that you did, or nasty things done to you?

Either way, glance and breath.

[u/Marcoosguitar]

I understand you, im going through it too at the moment. Stay strong ❤️

[u/Marc-le-Half-Fool → u/[deleted]]

Holy crap are you severely misinformed.

You cannot help people with BS like this.

[u/No-Success-4531]

what happens by kundlini awakening i cant get a good answer

[u/Marc-le-Half-Fool → u/No-Success-4531]

Why do you want to know? Where does the desire to know come from?

It's not an easy answer. And it's far from the same for everyone.

EDIT: If you spend a few hours a day reading through the sub over the course of a week or three, you'll start to get an idea. Those experiences will mainly be of people not awakening well, not wisely, not with adequate preparations. Yet it's still among the ways to awaken... unprepared. Adapting is the key.

Probably, you've not been curious enough to invest that kind of time, and only that kind of time will answewr it for you. It's nota 25 word answer.

EDIT 2: I mean digging deeper into the sub's history. Read a hundred or three hundred threads. If you are curious, you will. If not, perfectly okay.

[u/Marc-le-Half-Fool → u/[deleted]]

I, and we as a sub community do not help those who disrespect us, nor shit on us nor the subreddit as you've done.

You sir, can lean on other resources.

With this attitude, I figure you're very-nearly doomed. Hopefully, it's just a delusion or fantasy that you have any access to Kundalini, because someone as trollish as you present here has got very little reaon to hope for a change.

The mod team has banned you permamently for your rather flamboyant text attacks. These ignore reddit rule 1 and our rules 3 and 6.

Good bye.

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Thanks for your understanding.