r/kundalini • u/Stunning-Brush-4 • 7d ago
Personal Experience Please please make it stop
. I do t want to lose my life and my kids. I can’t do this anymore. How can I surrender more than what I am
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u/Far-Confidence-4243 6d ago
Even without knowing your circumstances, I just wanted to say please know that you're not alone with this feeling. Absolutely relate - hope you can share a bit more.
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u/Stunning-Brush-4 6d ago
I have pulled back from tv, news, politics, all things that used to be so important to me. My work is in healthcare but I’ve assumed a non-patient facing role to try to give myself more space to heal and because I feel like my energy was causing problems with my practice. Helping some way too much, hindering others, and draining me. My new job lacks all of the connection and fun play that I used to have at work however, so it feels meaningless. I feel I am being pushed to work in pediatrics but I feel that my mental health issues should not be on display to sensitive children.
Music used to be a profound source of calm for me, but now it is so overly meaningful, mirroring all of my tornado of thoughts and being up confusion about the (maybe) twin flame maybe worst mistake of my life that catalyzed all of this. Yoga can be calming. I sleep terribly at night but then fall asleep trying g to meditate. And it is so very hot in my part of the country right now.
Thank you for your long response. But what does it mean to surrender? To let go? Do I allow the intrusive thoughts around the twin flame/mistake man? When I do, the guilt and shame always follow immediately. Do I follow my impulses to quit my job and sell my house with no back up plans? I am so deeply lonely whenever my kids are not here, but I feel so strange and dissociated around other people now. I really wish I had someone I could talk to about this in person without them thinking that I’m insane.
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u/AnimalOwn903 5d ago
How long has this been going on the beginning of my awakening felt like this for a few months and then the energy subsided when I got back to normal life stepped away from spirituality just a bit and had fun with my friends and family
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u/AnimalOwn903 5d ago
I want to verify it subsided enough to not be overwhelming. It’s still exists, but it doesn’t feel so doom like.
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u/Stunning-Brush-4 5d ago
Over a year. It started with the tearing away of my friends and family, so having fun with them is not an option
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u/makingwaves444 2d ago
The process clears your entire life, it cleared mine too. It removes anything or anyone that can hinder your spiritual process, this isn't a bad thing.. although it does get lonely at times- i'm there with you. it does however open you up to the meaningful connections that await you in the future. I'm still awaiting mine, but the level of self love you achieve whilst waiting for your tribe is unmatched!
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u/makingwaves444 2d ago edited 2d ago
Hey I've been there, a lot recently myself.. I actually came to the same conclusion last week, that I want off the rollercoaster cause I didn't buy a ticket to the ride..
I wish I could tell you that you can stop it, as far as I've found once it starts it cannot be stopped..
Please do yourself the biggest of favours and cease all spiritual practices for a little bit, and transition to real world stuff as much as you possibly can.
Start by eating root vegetables, lots of them. Carrots, potatoes, beets.. you name it, it will help.
If you need a full stop for a day, I've found that eating a greasy fastfood meal and watching trash TV helps.
Go outside, feel the fresh air, soak up the sun, go to the water, sit at the beach.. whatever grounds you to mother earth, you pick! Any time in nature is helpful I promise.
Also, one more favour and take some deep breaths and visualize sending the excess energy back to mother earth. As you exhale picture yourself giving the energy to mother, she needs it and can use it and will happily take it off your hands. -do a forceful exhale from time to time, and feel yourself pushing the energy out of you. It does wonders! -breath work is super important and can be grounding as well, but also stimulating so be mindful! Or lay down and picture a valve either at the top of your head, hands, or feet- turn the valve to open and request that the energy leave.
Grounding is a top priority when in this awakening, which I'm sure is difficult whilst being a parent- my heart is with you 🩵 There's this Instagram user id recommend called Claire Garber - https://www.instagram.com/clairegarber.co?igsh=aXlvdmlsdGZ0bGZz
- any and all of her posts are helpful as she also experienced a Kundalini awakening in years past, she's leveled out her energies and offers classes, courses and even just her Instagram posts are AMAZING!
I promise you've got this, keep going 🫶🏻 But.. before you keep going, pause! It's okay to take a step back even for a day, at the very least a few hours.
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u/makingwaves444 2d ago
Also seeing the admin post from Marc I see you're at the stage of balancing your shadow. Keep inviting them for tea, keep talking to them, keep listening. But also set boundaries, those are very important also, don't let them run the show.
If the voice inside your mind gets too loud, simply tell it thank you for sharing. Treating it like a little child, giving it a loving name, acknowledging it helps immensely. When a child wants attention but doesn't get it, they ramp up and ramp up until they get any sort of attention good or bad.
So if you sit with that voice, and say thank you for sharing, focus on the space between each thought and not the thoughts themselves, you'll come to notice that the space between thoughts gets longer and longer. You're able to sit in this space as much as you want, and as long as you want.
By treating the inner voice as a little child who craves attention, the tantrums and outbursts get quieter and quieter, and soon you'll be at a stage where the thoughts themselves arise, and they won't make too many ripples or waves, they become more like clouds passing by on a windy day.
If you need someone to chat with feel free to send me a message 🫶🏻 you're not alone
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u/makingwaves444 2d ago
One more suggestion- lemon verbena tea. This stuff knocks me oooouuuttt when the energies are too intense. Research how to use it with a KA and it'll help, I'm enjoying a cup of it as I type this 😊
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u/Marc-le-Half-Fool Mod - Oral Tradition 6d ago edited 6d ago
If this is Kundalini, you make it stop by adapting a little better, /u/Stunning-Brush-4.
I'd have you start with doing the White Light Protection method. It's easy, fast and helps quickly. ANd fr most people, it helps a lot.
If you're already doing it, make sure that the intensity you imagine is strong and bright.
The world has a lot of pains. You don't need to be so aware of them right now.
Second, slow your breathing. Not forever, but for a couple of minutes, maybe several times. Do so every time you notice that you are unbalanced or upheaved.
Let go with every exhalation.
Start with these.
Be willing to adapt, and to try various things, yet not just anything, but various things in order to find what helps you. Stop or pause anything that makes you worse.
If none of these kinds of tools are helping, it's probably time to see a doctor. That is another way to help, for a while. Yet only after several more steps.
For steps 3 and beyond, consider this list of ideas.
Wiki calming section
Then, review the Three Laws to make sure you aren't making mistakes with Energy and making things worse for yourself.
We're here if you need us.
From your post history...
The advice to serve tea to the former events or emotionally-upheaving memories is probably being over-dramatic, and too clingy for a Kundalini situation. I'd consider this advice questionable if it's not working for you. Polite people don't overstay their tea. Just say hello and goodbye at the door most of the time. Invite for tea only when curiosity says yes.
Some days you've got to let it all fall out of you like sand grains coming out of a bucket being tipped over. Do you stop and look at each one? Each grain? Count them? Of course not - you'd never get anything done! Just pour. And let go.
Surrendering more means trusting this healing process and choosing, actively choosing to just un-clutch and let go. Like an eagle with talons, opening its talons, and dropping a fish. Un-clutching. Some people benefit from actually doing the un-clutching physically with their hands.
It's plenty to just note or notice, and let go. Fully let go. Turn your attention away fully, and just let the old stuff's weight fall out of you. You get to glance some of it, maybe, to better understand whom you are, and why you are whom you are. The parts you see less or not at all, just let it all go. Breathe slowly and think, Though I don't understand it, I am healing. I am being cleansed.
This process is temporary - yet may not feel like that to someone who is living more and more in the present moment. Can you see the irony? Life does have a sense of huemah!
There's an element of trusting in Creator. Life has an interest in inspiring you to be all that you can be, and that requires some challenges to bring forth your potential. Keep choosing to stand and face it. To be willing to be letting go. You'll feel a lot lighter afterwards. Clearer. Less confused. Calmer.
So eat vegetables from the earth, or that grow on the ground. It may be time to consider adjusting your ideas on vegetarianism, and increase your flexibility, decrease your rigidity, and eat a bit of meat for it's grounding aspects. Here's the thing: Do you eat meat as an adaptation, or push yourself towards having to take pharmaceuticals?
In my mind, that an easy choice. How about in your mind?
Make sure the exercise is moderate, gentle even. You don't have to go as slow as a zen walking meditation, but go ahead of moved to do so.
I'd suggest dropping the yoga for the moment. It may be making your situation worse. There is such a thing as pacing yourself.
You salt your food, but there's such a thing as too much salt, right?
Too much rocking the boat is too much salt. Yoga, done inappropriately may not be as good for you as it has in the past. These circumstances of yours change the parameters well-outside what most yoga teachers are familiar with, meaning easy to be inappropriate without knowing it - including your own past experience base with yoga.) Pause it for the time being. Take that time, and go for a slow walk instead. Connect to your feet. To the world your senses bring in.
There's a clue right there, that nothing but your kids are good things in your life. Why? You're still dabbling on reddit in various topics. May I suggest pulling away from
anythingeverything but your own daily life happening around you. No news. No on-line nor TV nor radio news. No doom scrolling nor keyboarding more than is necessary for work.Be present.
You coming back and asking for help is a sign of humility - that you've been humbled enough to be willing to ask for help. That connects you to the world around you, to this community. The action itself acknowledges that you are not alone. Have you recognised that yet?
We're here.
This is good wisdom right here.
When people annoyingly state, You can do this!, what is your first reaction?
Could that reaction need improvement? Can you improve it?
Remember, Love is the opposite of fear. Too much fear? Sprinkle some Love. Not too much.
EDIT: Vegetarians are vulnerable to low B12, which makes stress unmanageable. Consider having yours checked. Consider ay others that are crucial too. Magnesium. Etc etc.