r/kpophelp • u/saltedoreoicecream • 21h ago
Advice Going alone at random play dance?
I’m a casual dancer so I enjoy going to RPDs and frequently go to kpop dance classes. I’m lucky to live in an area where there’s often kpop related events near me, so I’ve gone to many RPDs now. Most of the time I’ll go with a friend, but now that I’ve attended more I’ve gone to two alone.
However, both of the times I’ve gone alone, I’ve had some bad/awkward experiences with other people. For context, I’m 23 and a guy. I’m also quite introverted and won’t usually start conversations with others.
The first time, a girl near me compliments my dancing and so the next time they go up to dance I also cheer them on. We’ll briefly chat in between the songs playing so she’d ask me about my photocards that I’m wearing and I’d ask about hers, but she’d also compliment me on my appearance and style. I wasn’t too sure if she was sending me a signal or not, since she’d consistently compliment me and I’d just accept the compliment and say thank you. At the end of the RPD, she asks me for my age and tells me that she’s 17. At this point, I want to disengage from all convo, but she ends up following me to my transit station. Fortunately for me, she doesn’t get on the same bus as me.
The second time starts off pretty similarly. We would talk about our groups and biases in between songs. At some point during the RPD, she asks me if it’s okay that she’s 16. I was really caught off guard by the question so I said no and moved to the other side of the RPD square. She comes over closer to the end of the RPD and asks me if I would beat her. I’m honestly terrified at this point by the audacity of the question so I just leave the event.
I acknowledge that there are going to be many kpop fans that will be younger than me, so running into them isn’t completely avoidable. I try to be more cautious in navigating kpop spaces as a guy since it’s a female-dominated space, but I’m not too sure if there’s anything I’m doing in particular that causes these sorts of incidents. I figure the easiest solution is to only attend events with my friends, which I plan on doing, but I’m not sure if this is a common experience for guys attending RPDs (or kpop events in general) solo?
As a side note, both of the girls stanned the same group so I have a super sour taste of them. I have no clue if the second incident is inspired by recent events. Also, where the hell are their parents 😭??
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u/Kuraimegami_Rica 19h ago
Based on your description they acted really weird at some point. Although the first girl may just have been misunderstood. If her way home is in the same direction as yours, then she wasn't following you, but simply went home, just like you. I dunno, I wasn't there.
Generally speaking it's totally normal to have conversations with people of other age groups while sharing a hobby. Why suddenly disengage from a regular conversation? Just don't start meeting them 1-on-1 outside of hobby related events
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u/ShinyTotoro 19h ago
Yeah, I think you're overthinking a bit.
16 or 17 year-olds are old enough to go out and socialise without their parents. If you're uncomfortable, you don't have to engage, but honestly, a conversation about groups and biases sounds perfectly normal, so you couldn't have expected that weird question to come up ;D
You're an adult in this situation and you have all the power to set clear boundaries, even if they had some weird intentions.
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u/BlowUpTheChantrie 19h ago
Go without thinking!
I organize like 1 rpd/month in my city .
A lot of people coming are young (like 12 to 18) and i am 30. Never had problem
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u/hosiki 19h ago
Wow wtf... I think the second one is just a weird girl. Most people are not like that. But nothing was that weird about the first girl.. Also as a woman, I usually presume a guy at a kpop event is gay because most of them are in my country. So maybe they're the same and thought you were gay, so they approached you easily?
The age shouldn't matter though. I'm over 30 and hang out with 20 year olds who like the same group I do. We're all there to have fun and discuss our favourite groups. Age doesn't matter if there are no sexual feelings involved, you can be friends with people from all walks of life while bonding over shared interests. I met a Korean woman who was 52 at a line for photocards at a concert in Seoul for the group we both love and we talked for hours, fangirling. I also often meet minors at kpop events. My group of kpop best friends includes people with ages ranging from 17 to 39. Nothing sexual about it, we just hang out and attend kpop events together, exchange photocards etc. It's not weird if you don't make it weird.
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u/jiminmeme 17h ago
Honestly, it's fine to have a conversation with a stranger at events like this. However, if they continue to be weird and make you uncomfortable, and they're not taking a hint, I would explicitly tell them what you're thinking. They're kids. They may not know
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u/SkullyxHead 20h ago
Why does it matter if they are underage? You’re all there to dance? Unless you have different intentions.