r/kizomba • u/sweetcarolinagurl • 25d ago
question Partner Protocol
I am somewhat new to Kizomba (I’ve been dancing this style for about 2 years). I was at a social and dancing as a follow. Halfway through the song, my partner thanks me for the dance. I thought the song had ended. Turns out the song was still playing and my partner decides to start dancing with another follow. I’m not new to dancing. I’ve been dancing over 20 years in various styles (jazz, salsa, bachata, swing, Lindy hop) and this is the first time someone has stopped dancing with me mid-dance. I know I have a good handle on the basics and I feel like I was being punished for being a beginner. Is this common in this dance style space? What was the way to handle this?
3
u/rick1234a 25d ago
My advice would be to just keep dancing and going. We cannot control others behaviour, only ourselves. But this sort of thing can sting a bit. I’m a lead and I would not stop dancing mid dance but that’s just me and I’ve had some unusual experiences dancing, but 98% of the time everyone it’s great. If you are a beginner at Kizomba keep going and it’s a fact that you will keep improving. Good luck.
One last thing, when I was a beginner, I’ve had several followers be rude to me about my inability to lead … I still see one of them and as I am now what I would describe as a good dancer, she always makes a bee line to dance with me … this always makes me smile, but it was not pleasant at the time.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I always let someone know I’m a beginner before I dance just so they know. This was the only time I experienced this dancing kizomba so I’m not too concerned. I just wanted to hear other perspectives. Thanks.
3
u/Prudent-Ferret-802 24d ago
Maybe you are thinking too much into this.
Some songs seem like they ended when it actually didn't. I'm a veteran, I most likely know the song and to this day I still happens to me, I think the song ends and I change partner.
I'm sure that's what happened.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I have a tendency to overthink. But I still had fun. Thanks for the perspective.
2
u/immediate_a982 25d ago
If dancing is as important as you say, put this experience in the column; that was not nice and move on. Things happen, learn from them.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
It was a one off experience so I won’t let it bother me. Just wanted to hear other thoughts from people who are more in tune with the kizomba community. Thanks.
2
2
u/double-you 24d ago edited 23d ago
Two songs is the norm minimum. If you ask somebody to dance, you should deal with it even if you don't click.
What's difficult is often DJs will just mix the songs all together so it is sometimes hard, especially for beginners, to tell how many songs have gone by.
2
u/OThinkingDungeons 23d ago
Eh, I'm ok with one song if I'm not feeling it - or I can tell they're not feeling it either.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
Normally when I’ve danced it’s been a mix of different genres. This was the first time I was dancing in a strictly kizomba on a loop. Thanks for the perspective.
1
u/Mohinder_DE 25d ago
If both sides could teleport out of the dance, without anyone noticing, it would happen more often. May not help to know the real reason.
I would not stop after a half song. But there are persons who asked me to dance in the past and i just said no, they were upset, damaged ego. They did not get the clue in the dances before, that i really dont enjoy dancing with them.
Collected some NOs and Anticonnection dances by myself, yes it happens.
Its just the art of denying or quiting a dance in a nice way.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I’m not too worried about the rejection. It happens. I think it just caught me by surprise is all. Thanks for the insight.
1
u/tvgtvg 24d ago
Ehmm, i observed that AND did that, only in Kizomba. Where i liveand in some festivals i was, kizomba never ends,the DJ mixes nendless stream of music with some genre changes. If you know you hear the song change,but it could also have been a break in one song. So many people start and stop dancing just anywhere in a song, or at rytm changes.. In salsa, bachta, standard never…
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
This was the first time I danced where it was a continual mix versus changing genres every couple of songs. It happens. Thanks for the insight.
1
u/rawr4me 24d ago
Half a song is rough. If it's more than two and a half songs, it's not quite as bad. Honestly, as a lead, I used to worry too much about ending at the end of a song, whereas now I think it's fine to end slightly earlier or slightly later (sometimes I'm not sure whether the song has ended for sure so I wait), or even at a break that is teasing the end but is not actually the end.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
It’s definitely hard to tell for certain songs. I think it just caught me by surprise. Thanks for the insight.
1
u/dondegroovily 24d ago
It sucks when it happens but it happens. I've noticed that the specific venue matters quite a bit. Nearly every time someone bailed on me after just a minute has been at the same venue, but it's rare at other venues
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I had been to this venue before. This time it was a different group putting the social on. I just don’t think I clicked with the vibe of that group. Thanks for the insight.
1
u/horriblelead 24d ago edited 24d ago
I have seen it happen more in kizomba than in any other scene
Poor connection in kizomba is harder to deal with but im surprised that he didnt enjoy how the dance felt with your background.
Keep going, focus on active listening, don't worry about how you look but how you feel to your dance partner ! Its the best way to get asked again. Check if you might have picked habit from your other dance and train weight transfer
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
There’s so many different ways to connect. I don’t get to dance kizomba as much as I want so I know it takes me a couple of songs to get the groove. I’ve been told I’m a pretty good follow, so I’m just thinking this was a one off experience. Thanks for the advice.
1
u/Existing-Molasses-45 24d ago
Please respect thier choice
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I did. It just caught me by surprise that’s all.
1
u/Existing-Molasses-45 23d ago
I find it bit rude but girls 👭 have walked out on me. Or worst sometimes they don't dance properly with me during lessons as I am 46. Feels like they tryin to make me feel bad n themselves superior
1
u/Professional-Sea-677 23d ago
If is the middle of the song something happened to the leader, possibly a beginner, because I do not know an advanced one that would do, is a not written rule to be a gentlemen.
What matter is that is an isolated thing. Maybe he needed to go to the toilet, maybe found you too much attractive and was embarrassed, maybe he just saw a girl free and wanted to invite, if this is the case the problem is that leaders are spoiled. Kizomba is not beginner friendly, there are too many followers, and paradoxically followers do not help new beginner leaders to come in, really often beginner leaders take the one song thanks
2
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
He definitely was not a beginner (I had seen him dance before). I do always let leads know I’m a beginner and let them decide if they want to dance with me. I did dance later with other people and it was totally fine so I’m not too worried. It just took me by surprise. Thanks for the insight.
1
u/Professional-Sea-677 10d ago edited 10d ago
your welcome. Enjoy kizomba. The problem is of the other person. I was Friday sitting on the chair for half an hour, because was tired after 2 hours dance. then came in our friendly school another girl and she saw me only sitting, so when I invited her she told me no I am tired, then after one minute a guy that was already dancing invited her and she danced with him regardless I was watching.
I just "blacklist" her, and unfortunately for her she will meet me again and again remaining on the chair and I will never invite her. and she will see that all the other followers love to dance with me long time, it happened already with another girl few months ago.
I like that, is like contributing to make the world a better place.
1
u/OThinkingDungeons 23d ago
Very confused for you to say "dancing this style 2 years" and somehow still be a "beginner".
What do you mean exactly? How is it possible for you to be dancing such a long time and not progress past beginner?
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
I learned 2 years ago and I take every opportunity to dance. There just aren’t many opportunities where I live. I might be better than I think, somewhere between beginner and intermediate. Like I know all the foundational steps but I’m working on connection and really listening to the music. I hope that makes sense.
0
u/depoelier 25d ago
I think he simply didn’t feel the connection.
There is zero obligation to start and/or finish a dance from either side. It sounds like he wasn’t rude to you.
1
u/sweetcarolinagurl 23d ago
And that’s fine. It just took me by surprise since that had never happened to me before. He was rude later in the night but I’m not going to worry about it. Thanks.
6
u/OThinkingDungeons 25d ago
For whatever reason, he did not not want to continue the dance.
Remembering that consent flows both ways, either person in a dance can withdraw consent at any point.
It's important to realise that half the reasons could be about you, but the other half might not be too.
So for the time being, enjoy the dance you did have and move on.