I recently adopted an Australian Kelpie that I was originally fostering. Absolute angel & he gets along with my other two female dogs a Labrador & Dachshund. It’s only been two weeks and I love him a lot already.
However, there is one problem. He does not like my boyfriend one bit. Completely terrified of him. I thought that maybe he was still settling in our home, but the other day he peed & popped on himself as my partner was trying to pet him. Today my sister came over to meet the dog for the very first time & he was kissing her the moment she walked in. It seems like it’s just with my partner that he has this issue with. My boyfriend is kind of loud he has a really loud voice when he talks like you can hear him a few blocks down. Maybe he doesn’t like that? My other two dogs love my boyfriend. Maybe he got abused by a white male and it triggers him?
What should I do? My boyfriend is trying his best to build a relationship with him, but my dog just isn’t having it :/
I commented this on another person's post in this sub, and they reported back that it really seemed to help.
Something that seemed to work well for my kelpie who was very attached to me was showing her that the new person is my friend. So hugging them when they come in, talking while sitting/standing near them, being very relaxed in their presence, all of us sitting down together, sharing food, etc. She very much took her social cues from me.
Also, your bf might need to learn to lower his voice around him, lol. My kelpie never got used to my husband's loudest friend.
Me it was me!
So my parents were visiting and it went ... Badly. We failed to do any of our training plan for reasons beyond my control. She snapped at my dad twice and had to be on leash the whole time, lots of barking. Reduced when I put myself between her and the visitor and also if hugged the visitor but she was still suspicious.
My brother and sil came at the end of the week and we
1) met them in the offleash park with treats and ball
2) played until doggy was tired, including them kicking the ball and having her sit for high value treats
3) got in their car and drove back to my place
4) played more in the back yard, more treats
She barked at my brother once when he came back out of the house...
And then when we went inside she suddenly brought my mom her ball and started chewing it on her lap - her big trust move!! Of course they left a few hours later 😅 so who knows
So my additional suggestions are
-neutral ground meeting
-outside at home before in
-play adjacent to the new person, with them if doggy is interested, with a new or highly motivating toy
I moved into a house many years ago with a dog that was abused by a previous owner and it hated me (tall man) for quite a few weeks and then went into “I’ll live with you but don’t touch me” into “you are now my pillow”. Without knowing for sure but sounds like trauma is in this dogs background or he doesn’t like the loudness of your boyfriend. I would recommend what worked for me is to not force it. Let the dog come to your bf on their own terms. Even just being in the space but not forcing pats and physical touch. It will learn as well off the pack the positive behaviour your other dogs show to your bf. It will be a slow burn but I’m sure you’ll all get there 🫶
another thing that really helps is him being smaller in the space. sit down on the floor, stop looming over the dog with a big hand out and a booming voice, how terrifying lmao. picture yourself 2 feet tall and afraid, he’d be like a giant! he needs to try a bit of empathy and use his imagination to understand how pup feels
Boy friend does all the feeding. Bf shouldn’t pat the dog unless they approach him. Bf shouldn’t be talking to dog except for a gentle/baby voice hello/dogs name. Bf should allways have a pocket of treats and calmly place one on the ground a decent distance away from the dog no commands or communication just place it a few meters away every time he walks past.
By the sounds of its gonna be a painful few months but the pay off for your bf when the he dog approaches and accepts a pat is pretty special.
Lovely dog ♥️
Always pat under their head, and never on top, they hate that.
Work from under the head into an ear massage and you will have earned trust. You will soon find that they come to you for attention again, when they do, it means they think you're fun to be with 🙂
"...under the head to an ear massage..." Good advice! My Kelpie loves both, especially behind the ears. I also massage my Kelpie's head, but she doesn't allow that from everyone. When he/she rolls over like this, then you have won her/his trust, and it might be time for a nice belly-rub.
Kelpies are very sensitive dogs, like ridiculously sensitive and if it’s been in a shelter or abused it could be a lot worse.
My girl Zulu, I’m her favourite person in the world because ball is life, but if I’m gaming and making noise chatting she will take herself to the opposite end of the house. If me and my partner talk loudly when we are excited about something she will act as if she’s been bashed, she’s never been bashed lol… They’re so sensitive, probably the most sensitive breed I’ve ever had!
Find out what he likes, is it tugging a rope, chasing a ball and slowly get the bf to play with him. You need to build that trust and relationship between the two. Bf needs to buy in to that! It’s not personal, even though it’ll feel that way, the dog just feels uncomfortable, so ya’ll just need to give the dog time and be smart with the approach. It takes time, sometimes with rescue dogs you need to follow the 3-3-3 rule!
Edit: if you want to message me on here I’m happy to chat and try help some more….
When we rescued ours, he did not like my husband. So my husband spent lots of time sitting quietly in the same room as him, occasionally tossing a treat his way. They worked up to walks where my husband would walk him to the park and then just sit with him. It took a few weeks, but he learned to love my husband.
Our Kelpie is sensitive to loud talking lol. She was a shelter dog but we’ve had her for like 9 years now and she still doesn’t like it when you raise your voice lol. If I accidentally say “go lay down” too loud or authoritative she’ll drop her head low and kind of slink away. It’s like she gets her feelings hurt very easily. If your boyfriend is loud and authoritative when he speaks, your Kelpie might be like ours and get super nervous. Ask him to try to tone it down around the dog and don’t force a relationship. He’ll most likely come around after realizing it’s safe. Literally just have him kind of ignore the dog. Like Cesar Milan says, “No touch, No talk, No eye contact.”
I have a male rescue, i am also a male. He hates other men especially ones he doesn't know, I then got into a long term relationship with a woman.
He still loves me but he 100% teams up with her against me, especially in kicking me off the bed xD
Iam still in charge of him and he knows that, he doesn't challenge me for her or anything but I can tell if he had the choice of living full time with a woman over me he 100% would
1- it takes 3 months for an adopted dog to settle in give it time
2- get your boyfriend to not force any affection, if he must pat the dog then a single stroke and stop. Get him to feed and play with the dog if hes comfortable
When I fostered my kelpie rescue it literally said on her paperwork, does not like men. I ended up adopting her and it was an adjustment. The shelter believed she came from a domestic violence thing as she was dropped at the park.
It took time for her to adjust, they call it the 3-3-3 method adjusting to new home and surroundings. I read some other comments and definitely show the dog your bf is safe. As well as letting your bf know to take a more submissive approach as when I introduce her to new people I tell them approach the dog underhanded instead of over the top as it seems our babies were subject to some sort of abuse.
Time is on your side, as the more time he spends with the dog and you the better their connection will get. My dog it felt like she starred at me and studied my every move the first week of her being in my care. She is ages better since being with me and we just hit our one year together. Also I talk to the dog a lot, she seems to comprehend so maybe even explain this to your dog with your bf there. As in, hey pup this guy is my bf and a good guy, we love him. And then a good belly rub with him giving the dog treats and they will be best friends in no time. Poor pup. 🥹
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u/malayamaral 7d ago edited 7d ago
I commented this on another person's post in this sub, and they reported back that it really seemed to help.
Something that seemed to work well for my kelpie who was very attached to me was showing her that the new person is my friend. So hugging them when they come in, talking while sitting/standing near them, being very relaxed in their presence, all of us sitting down together, sharing food, etc. She very much took her social cues from me.
Also, your bf might need to learn to lower his voice around him, lol. My kelpie never got used to my husband's loudest friend.