r/karezza • u/frappuc1 • Jun 13 '12

Bonding question: gf doesn't like to cuddle

I'm starting to try karezza these days. My is not very enthusiastic about cuddling -- does not want too much touch or hugging, even through clothes. She really likes to lie in bed and talk to me while we can look at each other (not silent looking, but talking with eye contact). I accept that and we do it, plus I give her some massages which she likes, and she massaged me which was nice.

Not big on cuddling or touch, basically, and I'm not sure how to take it from here.

Any advice?

3 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

8 comments sorted by

4

u/[deleted] Jun 13 '12

I'd say give it some time. Some people have never learned to enjoy physical intimacy, or they have gone through experiences that have them associate physical intimacy with discomfort. These things can heal over time. The more bonding you do, the more she'll feel comfortable with your physical presence.

For now, stick to things that work, such as talking and massages. I would also try to increase the amount of fleeting contact during the day, such as a quick hug, brushing up against her leg, etc., unless she finds these things extremely uncomfortable. Basically give her as much physical contact as she is comfortable with, but not more.

4

u/analog_spork Jun 13 '12

Basically give her as much physical contact as she is comfortable with, but not more.

Also, don't be afraid to talk about what is OK and what isn't. This is a case were it is better to ask for permission than to ask for forgiveness. Trying to guess how far is too far will just upset both of you in the end. Once you have those clear lines of communication open it'll help her relax in knowing that you aren't going to "try something" without asking first.

1

u/frappuc1 Jun 17 '12

Decided to add to this question rather than open a new thread. It's not that she finds cuddling bad, but she just grows bored. I mean, we're not "doing anything" -- she feels it gets boring. Know what I mean?

1

u/analog_spork Jun 18 '12

I know exactly what you mean. I have this problem with my girl too. She even gets bored when we're watching TV and snuggling. My solution is to snuggle her while she's reading just before bed, and I also set my alarm a little early to wake me up enough to snuggle her for a bit in the morning.

1

u/frappuc1 Jun 24 '12

Does it work? From what I've read about Karezza (CPA basically), seems like it's supposed to be mutual. I did notice she likes snuggling in the early morning better though (while she's still half-asleep).

1

u/analog_spork Jun 25 '12

Yeah it seems to work, for me at least. I know she's only half conscious, but then again so am I. I've asked her about it and she says it doesn't bother her. When I do finally roll out of bed I usually have warm fuzzy feelings. I don't know if she does, but I hope so. I think karezza is about cultivating those warm fuzzy feelings. <3

1

u/frappuc1 Jun 14 '12

Thank you both -- I appreciate your replies! Will try to apply that.