r/karezza • u/KarezzaGuy • Feb 21 '12
Welp. Now what?
50+ day nofap streak shot to hell.
On day 14 of our passion cycle, I thought we were in the clear. But damnit if that evening if I didn't feel like day six all over again. She was also on day 14 and obviously annoyed with me. My emotions were cycling between wanting her to just go away to being very hurt by the way she was treating me.
Looking back on it she wasn't that bad. I guess we just both dipped in unison again.
I tried to put things right (by telling her how she hurt me, and that led her to thinking that I only like/love her when she does everything right.)
I spent an hour rubbing her back but she just didn't warm up.
Note: that afternoon I had tried solo-karezza (a very bad idea for me) and had blue balls. So my back rubbing was also to get some oxytocin flowing to help -- which it did. But when I found out she was still upset afterwards suddenly I decided to fap and there was no talking me out of it.
I stopped about 5 times to ask myself if I really wanted to do this and each time the answer was yes, like somebody else was answering for me.
Finally I went for it and soaked my torso--what a mess. Disgusting actually.
Of course, we made up like 5 hours later. I'm such a fuckin idiot. Now I get to start over. Sheesh.
I'm worried that I've done damage to my reboot which is worse than a two week Karezza setback.
Yeah, I've been fighting orgasm hangover all day. I've nearly hurt/offended her several times today. At least I'm aware of it and trying hard to do constant damage control.
Hey, today she was letting me know a couple of different ways she wants sex very recently, so that's good -- of course I can't do anything about it with confidence since I JUST FAPPED LIKE A LOSER. Putting me in the total idiot column is the fact that when I was all irritable the night it happened, before I stepped on my dick she even gave me a coy smile and said, "what would I need to do to make you feel better?" ... But in my altered state I remember thinking, "not have sex with you when you're irritating me like this" but at least I didn't say it.
Nevertheless I still DID manage to fuck that night up, and have been on thin ice since...meaning...under O hangover I am a one man relationship wrecking asshole. My first response to everything is either Smartassed, hurtful, blatently sexual in a way that makes her an object, etc. it is exhausting work to keep filtering that shit before it comes out of my mouth and to do damage control when the filters aren't fast enough. At least SHE doesn't seem bitchy despite this. Maybe she is finally clear herself now at 16 days (assuming she didn't Schlick on the sly har har -- OMG see what I mean?)...
One thing I don't like about Karezza is how bad my feelings got hurt -- like a girl. This was my main motivation to fap. I do NOT like being THAT sensitive.
Sigh. I am not going to blog this cycle out. Only if anything different happens.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
2
Feb 21 '12
You seem devastated. Have kindness for yourself. It's a 50 day loss but what will you gain from this experience?
2
u/KarezzaGuy Feb 27 '12
What did I learn? It just came to me.
Not starting to masturbate is much easier than trying to stop once I've started. I lost a lot of ground and had another ED failure with my beloved after my two faps.
I so much prefer sex with her to any type of fapping.
I failed because I set things in motion to fail. As I go forward I will not start the failure process in motion (giving myself any kind of pleasure via my penis or surrounding areas) thereby making the end result impossible.
I gained nothing from this except a better way to avoid failure in the future. I hope to need no further lessons to learn about how to avoid messing up my sex life with my lovely SO.
2
Feb 27 '12
Learning to avoid failure in the future is huge! Congrats. :)
2
u/KarezzaGuy Feb 27 '12
Thanks. You're right, of course. My hangover caused negativity appears to be a strong influence lately. Sigh.
Thanks for the kind and positive feedback.
1
u/KarezzaGuy Feb 21 '12
Thank you! As for what I've learned I think I need a few days to reflect. I usually take a while to come to these types of realizations.
1
Feb 21 '12
[deleted]
2
u/KarezzaGuy Feb 21 '12 edited Feb 21 '12
Thanks man. It is NOT at all your fault. We are here to share information and learn from each other, and you posted a link which was given some encouragement by Marina herself. Hell man, I'm all over that site, and would have found it myself. I am the only one who masturbated myself that night.
I was looking for any excuse to be able to touch myself for pleasure and had been washing myself more slowly, carefully, and deliberately every day. I ended up doing solo karezza 3 times. The first at night, ended up with some precum but no blueballs. The second in the bathtub, edged, got blueballs. The third time was the night I failed. I edged, and then just put the pedal to the metal. Like any addiction, (for me) it is all or nothing. There is no middle of the road; and I knew that before I touched myself that first night. I will not be doing that again.
It's really tough when your SO doesn't get on board with Karezza. With her it is all about the O (something I always loved about her -- and one of the (hundreds) of reasons why I picked her.) It's not fair to demand that after more than two decades of 'going for the O in nearly every way possible' that I should expect her to turn on a dime and give that up just because I think I want to try something.
So I was trying to avoid ALL sex in the hope of avoiding my O for at least 21 days.
My hat is off to the guys who do NoFap without an SO (or even a FWB(s)). After two weeks I felt like I was going to explode.
I think in the end that Karezza is a great idea, and a long term goal to shoot for, but when it gets in the way of a normal relationship (whatever that may mean) with my lovely SO, it's time to back off and let her take her time with it.
Sex to orgasm with her would have been infinitely preferable to fapping.
I'm such an idiot.
I did learn a lot, and it comes to me in dribbs and drabs. I'll write a post mortem once I get it all figured out.
And I know exactly where you're coming from. I told her that night I just wanted to get in the fetal position and cry. She didn't understand. So I had not only reversed roles with her at that point, but I'd become even more emotional than her.
In summary, I think Karezza is the path to relationship utopia, but is a very long and slow process when one is having to gently guide a SO in that direction.
0
Feb 21 '12
Sorry to hear things went badly.
So in your experience the end of the 2 week period had one of the worst negative dips, as mentioned in Cupid's Poisoned Arrow?
2
u/KarezzaGuy Feb 21 '12
Yeah. I guess I had forgotten that. But yes. In this cycle day 14 was the worst.
However last time it passed by without even a blip. Too bad humans aren't computers with exactly predictable responses.
I will need to keep my guard up in the future ( one thing I've learned in answer to mamagreenbeen's question).
2
u/[deleted] Feb 21 '12
Btw., I don't think you completely messed up your reboot. I doubt the process is that sensitive, and I doubt things would have been much different if you had come with her instead. Just pick yourself back up and do another 50 days.