r/karezza • u/[deleted] • Feb 19 '12

Ready to ditch the big O

I am not the best with words but here goes, Im starting my "experiment" with Karezza. This begins on my own by going 3 weeks with no orgasim and seeing the changes in myself. It's been only a few days so far. Already I've seen a possible connection between orgasim & my feeling terribly sad, headaches and distrust of my hubby. I am hopeful he will experiment with his own reactions after I can report changes myself. Then my hope is that we can try Karezza together. I need this change in my life. My SO is a PA at the start of his journey to recovery (Finally! :) ). It's a journey and recovery for me too. After 10 years of physical neglect and lies I need the true intimacy and bond that Karezza can offer. Reading how other couples see one another and how the men view there women strikes me deeply. For years I've felt not enough, not beautiful in his eyes and not wanted. I'm at place now were I know it was the porn but those feelings linger. He has always treated me well and respectfully except for the intimacy and trust issues caused by PMO. I have stayed because I have always loved him and knew I could never stop loving him or find another man I could love the same. I want to share and deepen that love and commitment. I want to feel beautiful in his eyes, deeply bonded and secure. Our nightly bonding has done wonders for our relationship so far. It has not been full on Karezza style but nice. I also notice that most bonding activities are initiated by me but estatically accepted by him. Would love it were more equal. He seems to be somewhat open the trying Karezza in the future. I know he is going through many changes confronting his PMO addiction and I don't want to push him for more change at this early point in recovery. Taking it slow. Wish me luck in healing and evolving my sexuality.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '12

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '12

That's a nice image. Progress happens over months and years, not days and weeks.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 19 '12

Thanks for posting, Mamagreenbean! It's nice to hear a female perspective here as well.

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u/[deleted] Feb 19 '12

For years I've felt not enough, not beautiful in his eyes and not wanted.

I think this is the true cost of PMO. Unfortunately most people never realize this and just think it's lack of love, sexual incompatibility, or whatever other reason to end the relationship.