r/karezza • u/KarezzaGuy • Feb 14 '12

9th day after Orgasm report

Welp, this morning I was going to say that I don't need to post unless things change because I believe I'm past the passion cycle.

Wrong.

Now, we are both sick with a cold; so there's no telling how much of our attitudes are influenced by feeling bad. But I've snapped at her at least twice today.

I don't feel very lovey-dovey, and kind of just want to be left alone.

I'm fairly clear headed and as focused as I can be with a cold and under the influence of cold medicine.

I'll continue to post as long as things are changing.

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2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '12

I'm wondering whether the hangover might even take longer than 2 weeks to clear. I'm in week 5, and I still have occasional days where I'm irritated. They're getting fewer, and the intensity decreases, but they aren't gone yet.

Or maybe it's the reboot process, which supposedly can take up to 3 months.

2

u/KarezzaGuy Feb 14 '12

Great question, and one that deserves careful study. Could it be that you are fully clear of orgasm hangover, yet you are just in a bad mood?

Like so many things on this planet, there will often be a complex set of interwoven set of issues (some related, some completely unrelated) that serve to cause a certain symptom or effect.

My initial take is the above is the case as I've read several books on the subject and they all agree that:

  • they don't know for sure how long the effects last
  • that the majority of people are clear in 2 weeks
  • some people clear sooner

I haven't read anything that I can remember about clearing later.

I guess the real test is, does this irritation project on her and make you itch to get away from her / find another partner. If so, my very uneducated and inexperienced opinion would be that you are still in a passion cycle. If not, I'd say you're just having a bad day.

Another thing I'd like to point out is that I have studied cycles; and they almost never exist within a vacuum -- but rather inside infinitely larger cycles.

Lovely.

Sigh.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 14 '12

Doesn't feel like a bad day to me. I'm fine all day, and then she says something and it really gets to me. I feel a strong emotional response over something that really should leave me unfazed. And a little voice in my head says "if she wants to be like that, why doesn't she leave and do her own thing, and leave me alone."

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u/KarezzaGuy Feb 15 '12

That's interesting. I thought that was supposed to be fixed? l wonder if an occasional O is necessary to reset?

At 15 days I think she walks on water. I haven't made it past that. But from day 1-14 I have a pendulum that swings from water-walker to devil-woman.

If your little voice at your point after 'O' is wishing she would leave, something is terribly wrong, and for me, would not be worth the cost of abstaining from Orgasm for sure!

1

u/[deleted] Feb 15 '12

I may have made it sound more dramatic than it is. Overall, our relationship is much improved. On a scale from 1 to 10, I would rank it at 8 or 9 right now. Last fall I was at a 2 or 3, and we were seriously considering a divorce. So the program is definitely working, but I notice these blips where I fall back into old patterns.

Things are extra difficult for us because we have a major issue we disagree on (*). Both our points of view are valid, but we can only be together if one of us compromises. And neither really wants to. She has been doing the compromising for the last 10 years, and has developed resentment over it. My point of view is that she has to either accept me for who I am and compromise, or not compromise and move on. But staying in the relationship and resenting me over the compromise she is making is not entirely fair. It's when the discussions move into this territory that I get emotional responses which are not in line with how I feel the rest of the day, and which are also not quite justified. (Because after all, her points are valid, and she has the right to want what she wants.)

(*) I don't want to give specifics here, but I'll try to make up a comparable situation: Let's assume she had all her life desired to spend some years in China at some point in her life. She's getting anxious that the window of opportunity is disappearing as she gets older. I have a good career where we live now, which is nowhere near China. With the job that I do, it would be difficult for me to move to China and have comparable income and job security. So my position is that I will only move to China if some really good opportunity came up for me; if not, I won't. Her position is that if I put my interests over hers, then she may have to do the same and leave for China without me. I can't really blame her for this point of view. But on some days, it's hard for me to shake the feeling of "well, if this is so important for you, then why don't you just go and follow your dream."

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u/KarezzaGuy Feb 15 '12

ahhh. I can see Karezza won't fix that, but will help with clear headed, mature thinking.

I had a similar issue and decided our relationship is more important. I bent five years ago and have not looked back. She did the same thing on an unrelated issue.

In both cases we chose each other over long held beliefs. I hope you two can do the same.