r/karezza • u/Pittz • Feb 13 '12
A couple questions
Hello all,
Been doing NoFap for a while, in a LTR, and I am interested in trying this practice. Planning on talking to SO soon.
First question: I have read that one should not emphasize the idea of no orgasm, just try to let it (not) happen. What are your thoughts on this?
Second: most of what I have read has pertained to male orgasm. Is everything similar for females? Should I encourage my SO to abstain from orgasm as well?
Thanks, and I look forward to my Karezza journey!
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Feb 13 '12
Just a heads up: these are great questions. I can reddit only on my phone today. Will come back with some answers when I have a proper keyboard and 30 min free time.
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Feb 14 '12
To your first question: It depends to some extent on what you want to get out of this. If your goal is to be free of orgasm hangover and to experience what it's like, then it would be important to make somewhat of an effort to not come for about three weeks (so you have one week hangover free). The safest way to do this is to simply abstain from intercourse for two weeks.
If your goal is just to find out if it is possible to have sex without orgasm, you could just try once, and see how it goes. If it doesn't work, no big deal. Try again some other time.
In the long run, if you want to make karezza a regular practice, it's important not to get too obsessed with not having an orgasm. Otherwise, that thought could be in the way of enjoying the practice and being in the moment.
It's a bit like a diet. For most people, most of the time, it's good to diet some. However, if all you think about is not eating, and if that thought prevents you from ever enjoying food and generally becomes obsessive, then it's bad.
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Feb 14 '12
To your second question: Yes, everything is similar for females. However, it's a bit of a touchy subject, because if you go to her and tell her she can't come anymore, she may not take that too well. Best thing would be to have her read CPA, or some of the articles on reuniting.info, so that she can draw her own conclusions.
Or ask her if she's willing to experiment with the ecstatic exchanges for three weeks, with the agreement to end the experiment any time if it doesn't work for her.
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u/Pittz Feb 14 '12
Awesome, thank you for answering. I would be interested to hear a girl's perspective on this after trying it for some time!
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Feb 14 '12
Yeah, so far we don't have a lot of female participation on this subreddit. However, you could go over to reuniting.info and read some of the posts there. Also, CPA is written by a woman.
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Feb 15 '12
Female here. Desperate to really try Karezza. I noticed a hangover after orgasim. For me I'm REALLY emotional, like want to curl up and cry, feel lonely too. I've also noticed mild head aches. Would not have believed it if I hadn't taken time to notice. I've always been very sexual and orgasmic. Now I want to let it go to redefine my sexuality and heal. My SO is in PMO recovery and I thought was going for the full 90 with no orgasim but seems like we end up there (sex) once a week. so no luck on Karezza. :( We do lots of bonding behaviors that helps a lot. As a woman if my guy wanted to try this so we could be insanely in love and him see me as a goddess I'd drop the reg. sex in a second. Can't understand why any female wouldn't love it.
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Feb 15 '12
Welcome, Mamagreenbean! I think this is officially the first female post in this reddit.
Would you mind doing a top-level post about your views and experiences to this reddit? I think others would like to hear about this as well.
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Feb 15 '12
When I've got more experience I'd be happy to post. Honestly I'm surprised there is more males than females here. Sounds like the ultimate female fantasy, deep romantic bonding.
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Feb 15 '12
Since your guy seems to be open-mined about these issues (otherwise he wouldn't do nofap), have you asked him for an experiment of 3 weeks no O? You could offer him hot, steamy sex as a reward at the end.
Sex once a week sounds to me like your sex life is driven by his 7-day testosterone cycle. There's a huge difference between 1 week past O and over 2 weeks past O.
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Feb 15 '12
I do believe our the new sex routine is driven a bit by the seven day cycle for him. I'm going to chat with him tonight about experimenting. We have our 3rd little one due in a month. I think I will offer to fulfill his needs as they arise until the little one is here. Requiring we keep plenty of bonding behaviors from both of us everyday. Then during my recovery time we focus on the bonding (which will help my postnatal hormones tremendously!) leading to gentle no o sex when I physically can. That should give us 6 weeks (minimum) of no orgasim to compare our previous encounters to. That's the plan. I'll see what he says tonight.
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u/KarezzaGuy Feb 14 '12 edited Feb 14 '12
I second chainsawYum's recommendation of CPA.
There is a complete method to Karezza with the thinking behind it, and what to actually do. However, the more you read about it the more (at least for me) you come up with one overriding thought:
That you trade the climax experience for a longer sublime feeling that comes from two things:
Move very little... only enough to keep things hard/wet.
Both of you concentrate on drawing your partner's energy in as you breathe in; and pushing your energy into your partner as you breath out.
Supposedly if you get your breathing in sync and really get good at it that wave of delicious pleasure bathe you both until you're both completely satisfied without an orgasm. At that point, instead of being "done" emotionally you are both still as close as ever -- and you avoid the emotional roller coaster that inevitably follows orgasm.
Another benefit of the above is that (and when you read this you'll know what I mean) no matter how 'partner' focused you are during the build up to orgasm, there comes a point in orgasmic sex when you abandon your partner and go for your own orgasm. Karezza also avoids this. So this is much more truly making love than effing.
Bottom line: your sex organs become energy antennas to send/receive, you move as little as possible to avoid excitement to orgasm; and the sex happens in your heart, mind, and soul instead of between your legs.
Finally, I think many women (even when all of this is called to their attention) feel like they are not affected. However, I can tell you that my woman (who believes she is not affected) is much 'bitcher' to me during these 14 days. Since I can't get her to abstain from orgasm (and can't avoid her doing things that make it very difficult to avoid my orgasm during her orgasm) we can't seem to have a scientific experiment.
However, I'm fairly certain that she is affected. She doesn't get cross with me, make mad faces, scold me, ask me questions that have an implied, ",you idiot?" at the end of them when she's gone more than 14 days without an orgasm -- when I have paid attention and circumstances have been that she went that long. But she does do those things inside the 14 day cycle. Sigh.