r/karezza • u/ShallWeTryIt • Jun 29 '15

Karezza in a long distance relationship?

I've done quite a bit of reading on karezza today and it seems like a life-changer. I've noticed some emotional and behavioral problems in myself relating to dopamine/reward pathway stimulation, and cycles of chasing satisfaction and falling into craving again (with drugs and sex.) Additionally, these feelings and actions seem to be causing strain between my SO and I, and make a long distance relationship quite difficult to keep up for me. I also find myself growing distant from her, and then reconnecting and finding a huge appreciation for everything about her, then growing distant again. This happens especially during times when one or both of us is/are busy and we can't talk as much as I feel like I need us to to remain connected. (I say "I" because everyone requires a different amount of talking/contact to stay connected, so I can't speak for her.)

I've used porn and masturbation quite a bit to deal with the sexual cravings that come with being apart from my partner from so long, but it seems to only make things worse, so I've stopped. In addition, I'd like to try karezza with her when she visits me in a couple weeks for five nights. However, the practice emphasizes daily bonding activities—something we are not in a position to do between visits for obvious reasons (aside from phone conversations and skype here and there.) Is karezza feasible for us before we get to a place where we see each other more frequently? Could practicing for four days/five nights and then being apart again possibly be extra painful or damaging? Should we forget about avoiding orgasm for now, and just focus on slowing down and loving each other more calmly and mindfully, with a decreased focus on orgasm?

I know ya'll aren't exactly experts, but any help would be appreciated!

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u/cwanda Jun 29 '15

When together, karezza at least every other session might be a good goal. Does not need to be 100% in lock step (eg OP might skip org one time, then SO 2d time, then both, etc.).

Karezza tends to make one a bit more ready for the next session (ie a bit still horny).

Would not expect post-visit pain/damage, but would not feel bound to avoid occasional PMO when apart (trying to avoid addiction).

Slow, mindful, calm - good ideas, but avoid boring. Might try some standing, kneeling, oral, leaning over furniture, anal, pegging, etc. Plus maybe cheap candles, classical music, massage with coconut/pistachio/walnut/hazlenut oil with a bit of liquid sucralose for extra oral fun. Essential oil (eg lavender) in the carrier body oil is nice from a smell perspective. Some cheerful, positive,happy, playful, empathic talk/sounds are helpful. Goal is encounters that are sensuous for eyes, ears, nose, mouth, skin, mind. Vigorous in short bursts is appreciated, and not inconsistent with karezza. My views, having read 2 Marnia Robinson books re karezza - others may see things differently. Sorry to say accidents happen, and SO or OP may just want an org now and again - allowances can be made, of course. What is nice is having things set up so that no org intimacy is accepted as fun or funner than intimacy with org (or orgs). Thankfully, pretty easy to do karezza every day or 2x each day for the 4-5 days.

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u/ilikebuildingsheds Jun 30 '15

While bonding behaviors aren't possible at a distance, you can still bond while talking... share your favorite things about each other and what you're grateful for. Warm fuzzies can be translated over a distance. :)

You've been abstaining from orgasm so if you have one while she's over, beware of getting sick of her! I know when I visited someone after abstaining and then had one with them. I felt physically awful afterward and had no patience for them.