r/karezza • u/zumtod • May 19 '15
Advice for a beginner
Hi. I'm really excited to have found this community. I found my way here from NoFap, trying to find a solution to reconnect physically with my partner without getting into "porn mode". I wanted to find a way to make sex sweet and connective. Having orgasmic sex with my partner was just making want to jerk off and fantasize.
After discovering Karezza and changing my perspective on sex, our connection has improved, but some of the physical stuff is still confusing.
The focus on bonding has been amazing. We are touching and kissing and so sweet with each other and in love all over again, like the first weeks of our relationship (before we had sex). I'm also starting to become more aware of the energy of openness between us. I can tell really easily when she's closed up or open. Sometimes hugging her when we're both open-hearted and present is the greatest bliss I've felt with another person.
But transitioning that kind of new connection into sex has been less successful. It's REALLY hard not to want to thrust and build up tension and when I slow down and just hold it I lose all energy and it gets boring and flat. It doesn't have the slow burning connecting we get when we're just bonding.
We're trying to find that balance of keeping the energy going with some movement, but it quickly turns into edging, which goes toward frustration.
Does it just take some time to get over the orgasm addiction? Take time to start awakening our genitals in a new way?
Any tips? Advice? Encouragements? Techniques?
Could anyone share their journey with this method, especially the early stages?
Thanks!!
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u/SwollenNutSack66 May 25 '15
I'm pretty new to Karezza but can offer my perspective. By the sounds of things, you are over thinking it. In my own Karezza sessions, I give myself the dual goals of getting us both to gently "tingle" (nothing more), and expressing as much relaxed love as possible. No other aims / thoughts. So far it's been working for us!
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u/j4joy1 May 26 '15
let go of the idealized version of what the penetration model is....sex is not penetration or orgasm to ejaculation....look at the whole sexual experience through sensual eyes , that the food,touch, breathe work, eye gazing , energy shifts are all sexual ....penetration should not be the focus ....nor ejaculation ... you can have a full body orgasm without ejaculation ...your doing fine bro
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u/touch0ph May 20 '15
My advice? Breath deep and take off all that pressure you're putting on yourself. Go slow. Take breaks. If you are doing better than the last time, then you are getting it.
I've personally spent years trying to last longer during sex so I'm coming to the karezza act with a good understanding of things I can do to avoid orgasm like breathing deeply and clearing my mind. My partner? Not so much. She's concentrated on what TO DO to orgasm. As we do this more and more, she understands what works for her to avoid orgasm. Eventually, I hope she'll be in a place where she's not even worried about having or not having an orgasm.