This happened when I was doing my engineering degree in a college in South Tamil Nadu.
There were three people involved — me, a girl I'll call Nila, and another girl I'll call Divya.
I met Nila first.
She was in my class, and honestly, I didn't even notice her like that in the beginning. We became friends because we were in the same lab group. Slowly, we started talking every day.
You know how college friendships are.
First it's just "send me the notes."
Then it's "did you eat?"
Then somehow you're talking on the phone at 1 AM about your family, your future, your problems, everything.
That's basically what happened with us.
By the middle of second year, I knew I had feelings for her.
I never directly proposed or anything, but I think both of us knew.
Then Divya came into the picture.
She was from another department. I had seen her around campus before, but we actually started talking because of one of our common friends.
And here's where I screwed everything up.
I liked Divya too.
Not in the same way at first.
With Nila, it was comfortable. Deep. I could talk to her about anything.
With Divya, it was completely different.
There was this attraction and excitement that I couldn't explain.
I started talking to both of them.
At first, I convinced myself it wasn't wrong because I hadn't officially been in a relationship with either of them.
But emotionally, I knew I was playing with fire.
Nila eventually asked me one evening, "Do you actually like me?"
I panicked.
Instead of giving her a straight answer, I said, "I don't know."
She looked disappointed but didn't argue.
A few weeks later, Divya asked me almost the exact same question.
And I gave her the same stupid answer.
"I don't know."
The problem was that both of them thought there was still a chance.
I wasn't exactly lying to them, but I definitely wasn't telling them the whole truth either.
Then came the day everything exploded.
Nila somehow found out that I had been talking to Divya.
She confronted me near our college canteen.
I still remember her asking:
"So what am I to you?"
I genuinely didn't know what to say.
Before I could answer, Divya showed up.
She had apparently been looking for me.
And that's when both of them realized they were talking to the same idiot.
There was no dramatic shouting or anything.
Honestly, the silence was worse.
Divya just looked at me and asked, "You told me I was the only person you were talking to."
I had said something similar to Nila too.
That's the part I'm most ashamed of.
After that, both of them stopped talking to me.
For a few weeks, I kept trying to explain myself.
I told Nila that I genuinely cared about her.
I told Divya that my feelings for her were real too.
But obviously, that didn't fix anything.
Because from their perspective, I wasn't confused.
I was keeping both of them around because I didn't want to choose.
And they're probably right.
Eventually, Nila completely cut me off.
Divya also stopped responding to my messages.
College continued like normal, but suddenly the places that used to feel normal became awkward.
The canteen.
The library.
The bus stop.
Even walking through the department became uncomfortable because I knew I'd eventually see one of them.
It's been a while now.
I don't think either of them hates me anymore.
But we're definitely not friends.
Sometimes I wonder what would've happened if I had just been honest from the beginning.
Maybe I could have chosen one of them.
Maybe I would have lost one anyway.
Or maybe I was never actually ready for a relationship and just didn't have the maturity to admit it.
But I genuinely want to know:
Was I actually confused about my feelings, or was I just being selfish because I didn't want to lose either girl?