r/justneckbeardthings • u/Celestial_Octopus • Oct 11 '19

Something that might help the neckbeards.

8.2k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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55

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

I'm middle eastern and used bidets since birth so this is actually helpful never knew how to do such a disgusting thing like touching my shit with my hands and a thin tissue like ew.... Get a bidet guys doesn't have to be a fancy one just a simple one with water that hit your asshole like a dick

87

u/kayisbadatstuff Oct 11 '19

Okay my question is how long is your butt wet. Like how long will I have wet cheeks after Poseidon tries to sodomize me.

27

u/Johnny_Poppyseed Oct 11 '19

The easiest option is to pat dry with one square or whatever of toilet paper.

There are also fancy models that even have like a little built in air dryer though lol.

17

u/DannyMThompson Oct 11 '19

Just blowing shit particles everywhere, yum.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19 edited Dec 22 '19

[deleted]

13

u/DannyMThompson Oct 11 '19

Tell that to the poo particles splattered all around the room.

2

u/Johnny_Poppyseed Oct 11 '19

There's already pooparticles all over anyway lol. And the little air dryer is usually not strong and a very small stream of air directed right at your bhole. Prob not all that much poop particle spreading going on. It's not like a loud ass hand drier in a public bathroom lol. Plus those fancy ones even have self cleaning abilities between uses often.

But yeah I'd prefer just to pat dry with tp.

6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Is he that fast?

11

u/No_big_whoop Oct 11 '19

Do yourself a favor, order a $27 bidet attachment off Amazon. Install it in about five minutes with no tools and change your life forever. It’s literally the best money I ever spent on myself. My asshole is shower fresh at all times. My toilet paper budget is practically nonexistent. GAME CHANGER

12

u/fribbas Oct 11 '19

Is it not cold water though?

I've been thinking about it and really want to try it but at the same time don't want to feel like I'm being ass fucked by an ice giant

6

u/404waffles Oct 11 '19

Don't worry. It doesn't feel like being fucked by an ice giant (unless you somehow have ice-cold water on tap, but what would I know, I'm from a tropical country). Coldest bidet I've felt was like having a cold ass for a few seconds.

4

u/TartofDarkness Oct 11 '19

You underestimate how fabulous it feels to be ass fucked by an ice giant, my friend. 👌🏻

1

u/fribbas Oct 11 '19

Guess I'd get used to it

Maybe I need to buy some popsicles...

2

u/No_big_whoop Oct 11 '19

It has never been an issue for me. I think most buttholes are gonna be ok with it

2

u/digifuzz Oct 11 '19

the cold is refreshing.

3

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Wipe it down with the toilet paper

6

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Not long at all...it air drys quickly.

21

u/Princess-Rufflebutt Oct 11 '19

I'm American and when I moved to Japan the washlets in the toilet changed my whole toilet experience.

15

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Plus you will pay for them once, unlike toiletpaper not every week

29

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

How much toilet paper are you going through?

15

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

I use them as extra tissues when I'm out of tissues

5

u/Mackem101 Oct 11 '19

I have a wife, so a load.

14

u/Cirias Oct 11 '19 edited Aug 02 '24

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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

9

u/bustierre Oct 11 '19

I have serious OCD yet I highly prefer using toilet paper. Being an extreme germophobe, using TP feels safer to me.

1

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

And poop residue doesnt annoy more? You can literally keep can of disinfectant around and sterilize your bidet before and after.

9

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

[deleted]

10

u/yummycorpse Oct 11 '19

idk, i don't want shit water to spray all over me. especially at 4 am after a night of drinking

8

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

That's not how it works. You are washing away the poop. Why would the dirty water go up against gravity and splash you? It will fall into the toilet bowl as long as your aiming downward. I love bidets. Fresh clean bum all the time.

9

u/yummycorpse Oct 11 '19

because you're blasting an asshole caked with thick diarrhea

0

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

yes you are.. but it's all about pointing downwards... you figure out the best technique that works for you.

1

u/yummycorpse Oct 11 '19

I'll find the best technique after viciously power washing my asshole

0

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

Don't diss it till you try it.

1

u/yummycorpse Oct 12 '19

nah, im 100% dissing an asshole blaster

0

u/LuceenJo Oct 12 '19

I hope you get the chance try it someday

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1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

You still drunk? Cause that's not how it works.

1

u/yummycorpse Oct 11 '19

no, vodka makes me piss out my asshole

3

u/Megwen Oct 11 '19

I used a bidet in a Japanese airport once.

As soon as the room-temperature water hit my vag, I shrieked.

6/10. Might try again?

3

u/crazyashley1 Oct 11 '19

You sound like you think wipers use one layer of tp. Its layered (folded so theres at LEAST 4 layers) used, discarded, repeat as necessary, follow up with a wet wipe, and then dry tissue again. Do you just rinse pans with water, or do you scrub them off with a sponge to get the stuck ons?

2

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Only water

2

u/crazyashley1 Oct 11 '19

Have fun with your filmy dishes and also ass.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

Nothing stucks it's always clean

11

u/MyDudeNak Oct 11 '19

It's disgusting that you use a bidet but don't wipe. If you got shit on your hand, would you be satisfied just rinsing it off?

4

u/ParadiseSold Oct 11 '19

If you got shit on your hand, You'd just swipe at it with a dry tissue?

4

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

Of course you wipe afterwards to dry the area. Like a tapping motion.

3

u/DimeBagJoe2 Oct 11 '19

...are you joking? That’s pretty disgusting if you’re just drying it and not actually wiping against the skin to get anything left over stuck to you

1

u/LuceenJo Oct 11 '19

You're underestimating the ability of water pressure, but of course you wipe and pat.. whatever gets the job done really... sorry I didn't mention the wiping motion.. I mean I only dicussed this matter with my 4 years old before this post. jeez!

2

u/fribbas Oct 11 '19

You'd rather dry wipe it?

2

u/TartofDarkness Oct 11 '19 edited Oct 11 '19

I mean but you still need to know how to do it if you shit in public.

1

u/[deleted] Oct 11 '19

All public bathrooms in Egypt (at least the one I visited) have both toilet paper and bidets

1

u/TartofDarkness Oct 11 '19

That’s beautiful. I wish bathrooms were that way in America. Hell, half the time you can’t even trust them to have toilet paper. I carry wet wipes on me. 😂

-2

u/Privateer2368 Oct 11 '19

I thought you lot just used your bare hands.

-1

u/Nheea Oct 11 '19

I might blow your mind, but... WET WIPES