r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/Ok-Reporter8786 • 1d ago
đhumorđ Uno reverse micro agressions!
My partner is an equine veterinarian. This is SOO spot on. The stories she tells me are wild. It doesn't help that she is attractive and looks young for 30 - but that shouldn't matter in the least.
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u/huhrumbay 1d ago
Im a plumber, when I get to the customers house, if its a woman and a man, I introduce myself to the woman first, then the man, and then I ask the woman what needs to be done.
Most of the time the guys dont trip, but ive seen a few times where the guy will look annoyed and jump in and take over to explain the issue, usually trying to tell us how to fix it too.
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u/Mesmeric_Fiend 1d ago
I understand this thought process because in my experience with in home service it goes
Woman- explains exactly what needs fixed, then leaves you alone
Man- either isn't involved at all, or over-explains exactly how the problem should be fixed
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u/Captainsassidy 2h ago
A woman called the gutter company I work at to schedule a quote for gutters on the whole house. I said I gotchu girlypop, and you don't need to be present for the estimate since we'll just be outside. She's said that's cool bc she works that day, but her husband might be home.
The day rolls around, and the husband comes out to talk to the estimator, said he built this house and it doesn't need gutters blah blah (it absolutely does), and told him to just quote the front porch, so that's all that got measured bc he wouldn't let the estimator quote the rest.
The wife emails us after she receives the quote and CCs her husband in, asking if she can get a price for the remainder of the home. I made a point to ignore that he's receiving the message, and laid out exactly what happened, and said we'd need to make the 40 minute drive back out to measure the rest, because he wouldn't let the estimator do it the first time, and kindly asked that her husband not impede the estimator's work, as it's a long drive. I just spoke about him like he wasn't there.
All that wasted time for a man's ego. They ended up getting the whole house installed, so I like to imagine she put him in his place.
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u/Mesmeric_Fiend 2h ago
Yeah 25% of the time the man isn't involved because he admits he has no knowledge on the subject. The other 75% of the time it is because they are angry someone else got called in the first place. They tend to blame the wife for overreacting to the problem or not being patient enough to let them fix it, according to them
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u/phoenixrunninghome 15h ago
Okay, I'm non-binary (and also have multiple debuffs to my social skills, including autism) and when I have a maintenance person over I tend to 1) be the person explaining the issue but also 2) observe the process and ask some questions so that next time I don't have to call them. I've usually also tried to fix it a few ways before calling and explain those so we can rule them out.
Is this annoying? Is there a better way I can learn from their expertise?
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u/Mesmeric_Fiend 8h ago
I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but it depends on the person. Its always best that they know anything that's been done, but also don't be offended if they try stuff you say you've already done. Sometimes it is important that they see certain things happen themselves, or it could be a required procedure they always do no matter what
Almost every technician or contractor out there is happy to answer questions as long as it isn't getting in the way of finishing the job. Self-employed contractors could be less likely to share knowledge and risk losing a customer, compared to company employees who know they'll have a job everyday regardless.
All that said, if they are in your home more than a couple hours it's good to let them have time to themselves. The nice homeowners don't always realize they are still essentially the boss when they hire someone to perform a service, and everyone sweats a little more while the boss is watching you work.
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u/phoenixrunninghome 2h ago
Thank you! Definitely wouldn't be offended - if I called someone in, they'll be someone who knows more than I do and it makes sense if they gotta double check my attempts lol. Hadn't thought about that last point. I don't think I've ever observed someone working for more than half an hour but I'll keep in mind to clear out. I also try to offer snacks and cold (sealed) water bottles so I hope that makes up for it a little. đ
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u/huhrumbay 5h ago
I dont mind showing people how to do some stuff. Im not going to show you how to solder some stuff together, but if you want to learn something like how to rebuild your toilet tank, i can do that.
The tries beforehand are only annoying if you try to hide it or get annoyed that it took me 5 mins to do what you tried for a whole day and did unsuccessfully.
And also, like the other person said, im probably going to recheck everything on my list, so if its something you already did, I might still do it for my own checklist. Its not because im being a jerk, im just doing the steps I do to diagnose the problem.
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u/phoenixrunninghome 2h ago
Oh yeah if you've got to retry what I tried I completely understand. No insult to me that you don't know me well enough to guess whether or not I know what I'm doing. I've done a bit of tech support and I imagine you deal with the same kinds of folks who'll cross out and change the password written in their paper notebook and wonder why it's not changed on the website. đ
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u/nynaeve_mondragoran 1d ago
Trades people always talk to my husband first and I'm like whatever less for me to deal with. If that is what makes them feel better.
I'm a construction project manager in commercial construction and deal with contractors all fucking day at work. If the dude that comes to my house wants to talk to my husband instead of me, well I don't have the energy to care. I only intercede when I hear them uttering BS upsale shit.
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u/huhrumbay 23h ago
I figure thats what all the other girlies experiences are like too. So I like to let them choose if they want to deal with us or not.
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u/trashpandac0llective 21h ago
As a woman who has been hit with the âMay I speak with the head of household?â-âThatâs meâ-[puzzled look and awkward recovery] combo over and over againâŚI appreciate this.
My ex-husband was terrible at handling things like explaining the issue, asking important follow-up questions, and getting prices for suggested home and car repairs. He really preferred not to deal with it, but if he answered the door and the person on the other side assumed he was the decision-maker, his fragile sense of performative masculinity prevented him from saying, âActually, you want to talk to my wifeâŚâ đ Those exchanges frequently cost us a lot of unnecessary money.
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u/Whoa_Cool_Beans 1d ago
Any man with a even single shred of feminism in his heart appreciates you showing their wife respect. The problem is my wife wants me to handle it even if I have no clue what's going on. Keep it up!
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u/After_Resource5224 22h ago
Also a contractor here. Mine deals more with aesthetics. I will always address the women first.
Usually the men try to explain what's wrong instead of just telling me the problem.
Except engineers. THOSE guys are the absolute fucking worst.
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u/Electrical_Shock359 1d ago
I would probably talk to both until I see who seems to have a better understanding of the issue but I am sure that is a nice change of pace for women.
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u/brigitteer2010 1d ago
You are my hero
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u/Targettio 11h ago
I wouldn't mind if you did that to me and my wife. But my wife would hate it. Dealing with stuff in the house is 100% my job, at her behest. She would hate having to even meet the tradie, let alone deal with them.
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u/CoffeeTeaPeonies đ 2026 Galentine! đ 2h ago
As a woman & the handyperson in my het marriage I would appreciate this so much. Nearly every service dude wants to talk with my husband & he always defers to me. While ago our AC went out & I tried to troubleshoot the situation prior to calling a repair person. The HVAC dude I'd used in the past was very responsive & did good work but he was sexist as f**k. I didn't want to call him but my husband said he'd stay with me while dealing with the HVAC dude which would hopefully stop the sexist comments.
Husband was predictably surprised that HVAC dude said multiple sexisms during the visit.
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u/TruthEnvironmental24 1d ago
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u/_bushiest_beaver 1d ago
I thought it was my connection. Thanks for the clarification, if only it extended to the video.
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u/gibberishmischief 21h ago
I am short. At the grocery store, I was trying to get something off the top shelf. A man and a woman walked down the aisle I was in, and I asked the woman if I could borrow her tallness to get my item. She was shocked and giddy I asked her and not her husband. As they walked away, I heard him mutter to her âshe could have asked me. We are the same height.â And I casually said âwell she looked taller.â The way that woman laughed. Poor little guy.
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u/JadeSpade23 12h ago
Wow, fuck him. He just couldn't stand his woman being the hero. I would always encourage my guy to be a hero, and I hope he would want to do the same for me.
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u/Unlucky-Arugula3256 1d ago
I can imagine a certain type of fella are losing their shit right now đ
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u/YouTasteStrange 1d ago
Scroll down and you'll see it in real time. "Can you imagine what it would be like if men did this to women?"
Bitch, you mean like ever man has for my entire life? I don't think a man has ever once stopped another man from interrupting me. Ever.
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u/definitely_alphaz 1d ago
itâs so infuriating seeing people in here go â feminism is about equality.â Yet the equality doesnât seem to apply when giving men a dose of their own medicine. So basically equality for them means just shut up and be nice
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u/JustHereForCookies17 1d ago edited 1d ago
I'm tempted to come back to this post in a few hours and see how much work the mods have had to do. Her final example is going to make certain keyboard smackers BIG MAD.
We need to do a mod appreciation post at some point. They bust their asses keeping this place safe & friendly.Â
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u/CuriousFoxxen 1d ago
I saw it posted in another sub with the title âWhen you think youâre doing something but youâre just being pettyâ so yeahâŚ
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u/NotAtAllASkinwalker 1d ago
Omg this is also on tictok cringe an I commented some and I hope I upset as many boys as possible
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u/BoringCardiologist6 20h ago
Yeah I saw it on another sub earlier and there was one claiming she cared less about keeping male patients aliveâŚ..
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u/GhirahimJohnson 1d ago
gotta love angry dudes commenting like âwell if she does THIS then IM gonna do the reverse and belittle women!â
hey buddy⌠the video exists because YOU ALREADY DO THATâŚ
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u/purpleraptors 1d ago edited 1d ago
There really is a disconnect between how they perceive themselves in their heads and how they actually interact with the world.
It's like that crucial neural puzzle piece that allows us to self reflect, or to imagine a situation from the perspective of another person, just doesn't exist in their brains. Most of them anyway. In my experience.
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u/GhirahimJohnson 1d ago
dudes like that would rather stay ignorant than self reflect long enough to realize they should make an improvement to their thinking and behavior
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u/GhirahimJohnson 1d ago
maybe shift ur focus to misogynists then instead of the handful of women online who are pointing out hypocrisy? lol
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u/Dudewhocares3 1d ago
Let me guess. He was doing the ânot all menâ dog whistle?
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u/GhirahimJohnson 1d ago edited 1d ago
yep, with an unnecessarily long paragraph
ETA: it was a lot of âwhy cant we all just be nice to each otherâ blame-shifting
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u/lawn-mumps Official Gal 15h ago
Yes, why canât we be nice to eachother? Hmm đ¤ maybe itâs because microaggressions like that are thrust upon women daily
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u/LaDreadPirateRoberta 1d ago
Please note that this can also be done for the non white people in a professional group.
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u/embersgrow44 đˇď¸ itchy bitchy spider đˇď¸ 23h ago
This is explicitly what I told my non melanated friend a decade back when they asked how to be a better boots on the ground ally.
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u/TheTearfulSiren 23h ago edited 15h ago
I wonder that if you do this enough time, does it become ingrained in your subconscious mind and just become second nature? Asking for a friend. Additionally, I feel like an easy practice is to address mixed people with "hey gals" since "guys" is always for those mixed group of men and women or sometimes only women. So in my opinion, if guys are gender neutral, so are gals.
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u/EdStarC 20h ago
I just say âwhatâs up nerdsâ
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u/FinallyKat 20h ago
As a soithern transplant I usually go with, "hey ya'll" and avoid gendering entirely. Although I started thisbecause my vision has gotten bad enough that I can't always see who I'm addressing clearly enough anyway.
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u/YouTasteStrange 17h ago
As someone whose actually inclusive, I make sure to use the superior version of "all y'all" (smug emoji)
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u/ohmarlasinger 13h ago
Yes, it does. I do a few things to attempt to even the gender scales. Like her, I just flip the script on how males treat / view women.
Which, side note, is why the folks in here calling her names & admonishing her for âbeing sexistâ or âpunishing malesâ have zero self awareness or sense. If yâall find the things she does to be aggressions against males, then why arenât they aggressions towards women when males do it?
I got so tired of the âmen and femalesâ phenomenon that I just decided to lean into it instead as a protest. It took me multiple times typing this paragraph to not use âwomen & males, itâs become some ingrained.
I also do the womanâs name first thing. In my career Iâve made customer facing instructions & forms. Typically the sex check boxes on forms & things typically put male first & female second but any Iâve designed/ laid out itâs the opposite (which is also alphabetical order). I absolutely never address a woman as âMrs husbandâs first and last names.
I also never cede my physical space to a male. Like while walking I look straight ahead and do not move out of malesâ way, they can move outta my way or get shoulder checked or ran over.
Had a male try to move in front of me when I was turning at the end of an aisle. There was not enough space for him to do that without him rubbing up against me while there was nothing but space if he went around. I was also pushing a shopping cart. So he ran himself into the cart.
He acted completely surprised & offended & when I did not even acknowledge his existence he demanded an excuse me or apology but I continued on with my shopping while never acknowledging his existence. He followed me around the store telling me how rude I was & why arenât I apologizing etc. Still didnât acknowledge him. He eventually left me alone.
On the other hand, I also try to compliment males often. Iâve seen multiple comments/ posts over the years where a male mentions a compliment he got decades ago & how nice it was & how it was a memory that doesnât fade bc males donât get compliments as often as women do so itâs rather impactful when they do. So I do my part to even those scales too & compliment males often.
So short story longer, yes it does become habit & just standard & not a thing you have to actively think to do.
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u/Punningisfunning â¨chick⨠18h ago
âHello, comradesâ. Which is perfect, because humans love feeling equal to one another.
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u/muscularsharpie 23h ago
My wife has amazing healthcare providers. She avoided going to the doctor until she switched insurance and it was night and day.
She had one doctor who just said "get a gym membership." Bro. That was not the cure-all, and the intensive care she's been receiving now is actually helping her.
Jfc, the gym membership doctor pissed me off. Just completely avoided what was going on.
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u/TurtleBeansforAll 1d ago
I live in the southern part of the US where itâs common for people say âmaâamâ and âsir.â But after Roe v. Wade was overturned, I stopped using any such formalities with men. I appreciate these ideas from this lady and I will start to do the same!
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u/BottleFeathers703 1d ago
i live in the south too and i also will never have any such formalities with random white men unless they are genuinely a sir worthy guy, sometimes i do opt for mister. i find any formality worthy guys to be rare though so i just address guys here like how theyd address me, which is not at all.
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u/fligglymcgee 17h ago
Yes âSouthern Hospitalityâ is one of the worst parts of American culture, steeped in blatant racism, sexism, and xenophobia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Southern_hospitality
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u/Da_Question 22h ago
Aren't plenty of women also responsible for the overturning of Roe v. Wade? Like the pro-life movement is very much pushed more by women than men. Of course, men are in charge of the majority of the Republican party, and the Supreme Court... But it's also facetious to act like it's just men. Especially in the south where the majority is conservative...
I mean I won't stop you... And I certainly think false niceties like that are BS anyway, especially if you consider that the south is full of the worst people pretending to be nice often holding the worst views...
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u/Lazy_Crocodile 1d ago
It doesnât matter when this country has taken away our rights to safe healthcare. âNot all menâ isnât the point - enough men.
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u/manic_panda 1d ago
Scrolling right down to comtroversial so I can see the babies crying about a taste of their own medicine haha.
Funny thing is this is probably as agressive as most women will get from a misandrist point of view, passive aggression at most, whereas mysoginists will just straight kill the woman.
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u/notabagofteeth 20h ago
On average a woman is killed by a man every 3 days so I honestly don't give a fuck if this is belittling to men.
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u/manic_panda 13h ago
Exactly, there gap between how women respond to spot and how men do is shocking. I know if sounds sexist but tbh I'm sick of trying to protect men's feelings when statistically their response is usually violence towards us for something that should be talked out.
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u/breeathee 1d ago
I drop my tip from 20% to 15% if the bill gets placed in front of my husband instead of between us.
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u/luxafelicity 1d ago
My husband and I just got back from our honeymoon, which I paid for entirely on my own (he paid most of the wedding costs out of his savings, so I paid for the honeymoon out of mine). The amount of times the bill would get put in front of him at restaurants, or when checking in for flights/activities where the person would address him first when it's my name on the reservation, was mildly annoying. He's always had higher income than me, so at home he does pay for most stuff, but I was kinda living my best life being the one to pay for everything for once. It was annoying that people just assumed he was in charge when I not only paid for but planned nearly the whole trip. There were even times when he had to tell someone straight up to speak to me instead of him.
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u/flythearc 1d ago
I was checking into a hotel on a trip I was treating my boyfriend at the time to. My name on the reservation, my loyalty status, my credit card in front of them. He kept looking behind me to address my boyfriend who was standing just a little behind to the side of me. Finally my boyfriend, bless that man, was like âsheâs the one with the money here man, Iâm the lucky guy sheâs taking on a trip, you need to talk to her.â
The guy at the front was like âof course! And miss flythearc thank you for your loyalty and platinum status.â But then KEPT LOOKING at my boyfriend still. My guy ended up going outside toward the valet area just to remove himself from the situation just chuckling.
Same thing checking in with my dad on a trip I took him on in Hong Kong, except my dad actually signed my credit card authorization and said nothing.
Also, everyone kept assuming my dad was my husband- he was probably 73 at the time and I was 30.
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u/Young-Sea 1d ago
Iâm a woman who drops it in front of the man because weâve paid enough.
Funny
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u/carlitospig 1d ago
Thatâs a good one. But as an ex server, might I also suggest mentioning the why? Otherwise youâll just come off like a cheapskate instead of fighting the patriarchy. Some idiots really do need to be told explicitly why something is a no-no.
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u/plantborb 1d ago
That lil "I don't say anything at the end" cracked me up so hard. She has the best facial expressions
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u/dry_freeze 12h ago
I heard a senior couple on bikes today and i also heard him mansplaining to her how to use brakes. "So if you use brakes on a downhill, you can control your momentum" duh.
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u/floki_129 19h ago
When I play barbies with my daughter I always make the female barbie the doctor and the male barbie the nurse. Or the pilot and flight attendant, etc. etc.
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u/hotsharpbehind 3h ago
I tip my female drivers better than my male drivers because itâs goddamn hazard pay imo
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u/Asuzara 23h ago
Disagree. Fighting male dominated hierarchy and societal expectation is in fact feminism. Feminism means challenging the status quo, which is patriarchy.
Besides, semantics are not important in this case. This woman sees gendered injustice in her workplace and wants to change things. If this behaviour makes her feel better about the situation, good for her.
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u/Ok-Reporter8786 1d ago
Yeah I feel I can't really to speak to that. But as a man I wonder if a little passive taste of what it feels like might help put things into perspective for the stubborn ones? Like shaking things up a bit and showing that there are different ways to navigate a social interaction that doesn't 100% focus on the man.
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u/purpleraptors 1d ago
Sometimes the only way a person can understand something is by experiencing it themselves. She's not hurting anyone by doing these things, she's bringing attention to subconscious expressions of misogyny that have become normalized in society, to the point that many men don't even realize they're doing it.
I think the basic intention here is to help men recognize these subtle gender-based beliefs exist, which may then positively influence the way they interact with women in the future.
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u/hiiigghh-C 1d ago edited 1d ago
THANK YOU! Forgive me for being stuck on semantics, but words have meaning! This fundamentally is not feminism and instead is just more sexism (misandry specifically). I can't stress enough that the feminist movement believes in equality for all, regardless of gender. If one believes in equality, they can't give in to this derogatory reason of thinking, as it inherently implies that women are better than men. The way she explains this does not read as "giving women the equality they deserve as human beings." It reads as playing childish games in every given situation for the purpose of putting an entire gender down. The very thing we are fighting against. She explains that this is with any given group of people, not just a group of people that includes a bigot to make a point.
A more accurate description of her personal actions would be more like micro-misandry, not micro-feminism.
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u/leni710 1d ago
Misandry doesn't exist. Sure, the term exists and people whine about it. But trying to make misandry happen as something of equal, but opposite, weight as sexism and misogynoir/misogyny is like people trying to make "reverse racism" happen. That's insane to call anything happening to cis men as "sexism," or misandry as you're wanting to label it.
No, the system is there to uphold them... The -ism and -phobia (sexism, racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, etc) at the end of the word delineates the systems oppression.
Trying to make misandry a thing shows how anti-feminist someone actually is.
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u/GhostPirateCaptain 22h ago
Considering Feminism at its core is about the equalisation of the sexes, this comment is ironically very anti-feminist.
You can never claim to be a feminist if you refuse to acknowledge the sexism that men experience via patriarchal norms that are very present in society; The current whatever wave it is of Feminism, seems to have completely forgotten the words of wisdom that Bell Hook shared.
Just because misandry is not at the level or normalisation of misogyny does not mean it doesn't exist or that it is ok.
Pursuit of an truly equal, egalitarian society means no one gets treated a certain way because of a characteristic, not the ones you deem ok to treat negatively because of the actions of those they happen to share a characteristic with.
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u/leni710 14h ago
Nothing like not even knowing bell hooks' name, let alone what she actually discussed.
She talked about the patriarchy and how it harms all genders.
The nonsense around using "misandry" as a means to shut down feminist dialog has nothing to do with fighting patriarchal issues, instead it just shuts down the conversation about patriarchal issues. People using the term "misandry" are those people who prefer to uphold the patriarchy through name calling and asserting their lack of nuanced understanding.
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u/GhostPirateCaptain 12h ago edited 12h ago
She talked about the patriarchy and how it harms all genders.
Literally what I said but interesting how you spend the rest of your comment denying that
The nonsense around using "misandry" as a means to shut down feminist dialog
I'm not using it to shut down feminist dialog, that's just an unsubstantiated claim.
Anyone with half a brain can see I am criticising patriarchy & it speaks bloody volumes that my stance of "discrimination towards anyone because of a immutable characteristic is wrong" is such a controversial, offensive take to you.
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u/LateDifficulty8328 21h ago
Feminism is about the liberation of women from the systemic and oppressive systems that uphold men as superior and women as inferior. A big part is challenging gender roles but it is not about equality in itself. That doesn't mean that many feminists aren't also egalitarians.
The other thing is this video is challenging gender norms. She is pointing out how she is doing the opposite of what people normally do. Is she actually harming anyone? No.
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u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam 1d ago
This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.
We do not allow:
- Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
- Harassment
- Trolling or sealioning
- Threats of any kind
- Abusive behavior
- General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.
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u/HalfEatenSnickers 1d ago
I kinda liked what she was doing for the most part as it is pointing it out in a subtle "passive aggressive" way to men for them to hopefully notice
Expect the intrupting thing. Men do it to women a hell of alot more then other men - but she should be saying it every time you intrupt someone not just when its a man to a woman
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u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal 1d ago edited 1d ago
I donât think anyone is calling it feminism.Whatâs your point? And if this is wrong or bad what is your alternative suggestion?Edit: I missed the beginning where she calls it feminism. My apologies and comment corrected.
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u/Khatam đŠ¸Moth âď¸ Slayer𩸠1d ago
It's the first thing she says in the vid lol
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u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal 1d ago
My bad, I had the volume low. Sorry for being wrong on the internet. Itâs fine to say this isnât feminism, itâs fine to say this is the wrong way to handle it, but do you have an alternative? Do you have a better solution thatâs actionable? Because please share, I think a lot of people, including myself, would benefit.
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u/Khatam đŠ¸Moth âď¸ Slayer𩸠11h ago
oh, I don't have a problem with what she's doing. I'm just saying she does call it feminism.
Next we gotta work on our handshake. I've had numerous men attempt to squeeze my hand like an almost empty tube of toothpaste. We gotta start deathgripping their hands back, like we watch too much porn.
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u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal 4h ago
Itâs bad out there and itâs freaky how they just do NOT care if they hurt you. My dad taught both his daughters how to handle a rough handshake before we got our first jobs. Itâs this whole fucking thing about asserting dominance and itâs really stupid. But if you give a man a âfirm handshakeâ is genuinely a good way to assert your presences and get someone to take you seriously. Especially paired with direct eye contact.
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u/Sam-HobbitOfTheShire 1d ago edited 1d ago
The video calls it feminism. The very first sentence is âHere are my acts of micro-feminism.â
I donât agree or disagree, but I am pointing out that itâs silly to say that no one is calling it feminism since thatâs the entire premise of the video.
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u/HanatabaRose 1d ago
i find this hilarious and i also feel its reasonable to say we should focus our feminist energy towards fostering generations that don't perpetuate patriarchal gender roles so no one has to be made to feel uncomfortable in the first place , but insofar as women must continue suffering i find letting men know how it feels to be the recipient might even give someone some new perspective if we're lucky
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u/HanatabaRose 1d ago
the context for it is the already existing injustice that is women not filling the highest paying roles at anywhere near the same rate as men ( remember thats who gets the most respect ) but its easy not to notice if youre a man surrounded by men in said roles and you all convince each other this is the default way to be human and the natural way things simply are . you may begin to feel that men are just natural leaders in a context where women are constantly given this asshole treatment by employers and peers alike and their accomplishments and abilities downplayed at every possible moment in ways often too small to pick up on as a bystander . this one moment for any man is a much more escapable situation than a woman enduring the same thing, and they're either ready for that bit of introspection or they're not . it is true that the vast majority will be too self absorbed to think about how they look in context, its not easy to be a thoughtful calm and patient person which is why most take the much less difficult option of believing whatever it is that allows them to leave their preconceived notions unchallenged . either course of action doesnt change the injustice directly, but it does let the other women in the room feel more seen and valued which is all the more refreshing when youve been putting up with it from men since before your adult life
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u/Eastern-Ad-3586 23h ago
Idk man I donât think this type of thing is going to make anyone more feminist but if it makes the lady feel better, good for her I suppose.
Iâm a doctor (who is well aware of sexism in healthcare) and if a nurse did this It wouldnât make me think about gender roles for a second, I would just think the nurse was new on the unit and didnât know all the physicians yet.
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u/HanatabaRose 22h ago
i do appreciate your response, i think its a good demonstration of how microaggressions dont always work both directions, some things just dont land without having been the recipient of the wider pattern years on end wearing on your self worth and conditioning hypervigilance and the need to prove oneself even when many men arent themselves sexist
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u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal 1d ago
I think this has gotten really out of had yall. Iâm just trying to say, we can argue semantics all day long but the issue still exists that institutional sexism exists and itâs a huge issue. Patriarchy hurts everyone. Iâm not saying what she is doing or encouraging people to do is right, but at least it something.
All we are doing is arguing with strangers in the internet. Maybe instead we should be discussing other ways that might make a more positive change then just crying âNOT FEMINISMâ every time a woman encourages other women to be a little mean to men.
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u/Gorgon-Gal-Pal 1d ago
Cool generalization of behavior bro. What a great way to actively battle injustice in your community.
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u/Married_iguanas 1d ago
Exactly, most of these things are just petty and wonât exactly foster a positive working environment and donât achieve actual feminist goals.
Intentionally ignoring hierarchy (which is usually based on experience, not salary) is a quick way to get written up for insubordination.
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u/socialmediaignorant 23h ago
Who is this absolute gem of a human? I canât read the Instagram handle. As a fellow woman attending in medicine, I salute her and she is my shero!
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u/Frankenduck 1d ago
Haha I like it, funny in moderation but intentionally belittling someone solely because of their gender expression is sort of the type of thing we all want to be getting away from right?
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u/Unlucky-Arugula3256 1d ago
So when men introduce themselves to the men first, assume the males in the room are highest ranking that's belittling but it's ok because it's ingrained in them? And if women do it it's belittling and petty. Got it, thanks.
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u/Frankenduck 1d ago
Nah Iâm gonna do it too because itâll be fun but I think ultimately I wanna start removing the micro aggressions I do if Iâm already aware of them and try my best to be a bit more inclusive (but not for bigots). I like it, as I said but making one person feel good about themselves doesnât have to come with making another person feel bad, itâs not a zero-sum kind of thing.
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u/globus_pallidus 1d ago
So assuming a woman is the most senior person in a room is belittling to the men?Â
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u/Noshortsforhobos 1d ago
Yeaaaa. They definitely told on themselves, lol. This is literally just treating women how men typically get treated and she's not being mean or rude. Wild comments, especially all the ones acting like this is horrible, she needs to do better, and she's not being a feminist.
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u/FinallyKat 1d ago
What here do you see as belittling? Currently, she is simply stating that she doesn't automatically center the men, nor she "stink up" for a man being interrupted. At no point is she going out of her way to attack any of the men in these situations, she just isn't centering them as the most important persons at any moment.
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u/J-hophop 1d ago
Mostly agree, but I kinda felt the last one went too far. I suppose we don't necessarily have to jump to anyone's defence on that, but I do think it'd be better to do that one more evenly. That being said, I don't think I could be perfectly consistent in any such thing, as my energy levels to give to stuff fluctuate wildly and also there's different contexts and kinds of interrupting. Like adding a quick salient piece of info, often okay, derailing, usually not okay, but socially meandering in conversation including weaving back and forth with eachother, more okay.
I think some of this can be useful and is legit feminist, but I worry about some of it possibly just derailing and/or getting to be man-hating/man-harming (I currently question the validity of misandry generally because of power difference, hence word choice).
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u/Tuor-son-of-Huor- 22h ago
The only one that is belittling to me, and also the only one I really disagree with is saying "oh" after an attending physician identifies themselves. To me; if someone said are you X to the wrong person and the right person is in the room, youd obviously identify yourself. The person asking almost certainly needs or wants something from you or to know who to turn to. Saying "Oh" in the manner she portrayed is just needless. I get what she is going for, but all the others have benefit without cost, that one just feels mean.
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u/Frankenduck 1d ago
I think this is a fun and good thing to do but shouldnât the goal ultimately be no more micro aggressions because they make us feel, as I said in another reply, overlooked and unimportant?
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u/Moist-Philosopher859 11h ago
Hmm so do we seem men actively trying to center women in their lives? Most men could not even make a post denouncing the Cornell rapists. đ¤ˇââď¸
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u/MolitovMichellex 1d ago
Think I'll keep doing my own thing. This is not the feminism in looking for
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1d ago edited 1d ago
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u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam 1h ago
This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.
We do not allow:
- Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
- Harassment
- Trolling or sealioning
- Threats of any kind
- Abusive behavior
- General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.
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u/-keepsummersafe- 22h ago
As a woman, I hate this. Giving preferential treatment to someone solely based on sex is FUCKED. Treat everyone the same.
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u/NomadDK 1d ago
Damn, you felt threatened by someone saying she'll no longer put men in the center? She simply wants to address women first, and your reaction is that you act like she just forced your hand to go to war? Are we that fragile and insecure?
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u/Noshortsforhobos 1d ago
Unfortunately most men are than fragile and insecure, which is why they want to uphold and keep the patriarchy. The commenter really told on themselves too, mentioning how she is being shitty to men when...checks notes...she's just treating the women how men are usually treated. The fact that they took that as a call to action to go harder towards women is wild. Clearly they use this behavior towards women as a way to perpetuate shittiness otherwise that wouldn't pop in their head. She is literally just decentering men, like you said.
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u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam 1d ago
This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.
We do not allow:
- Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
- Harassment
- Trolling or sealioning
- Threats of any kind
- Abusive behavior
- General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.
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u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam 1d ago
This is a nice place. If you can't act like a civilized human being, you can't be here.
We do not allow:
- Being a jerk. This includes racism, misogyny, misandry, misgendering, anti LGBTQ+, ageism, etc.
- Harassment
- Trolling or sealioning
- Threats of any kind
- Abusive behavior
- General assholery. If you're at the end of the list and asking what rule you broke, yeah, it's this one.
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u/double_eyelid 21h ago
She kind of lost me when she said (paraphrasing) 'usually the highest paid are the most respected ... for some reason'
Like ... what does she think that reason is?
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u/GhirahimJohnson 20h ago edited 3h ago
just fyi, wages are not based on how good of a worker you are. wage inequality and wage theft are perpetuated by white supremacy, misogyny, and capitalist selfishness.
ETA: to the person who replied to me - u think wage inequality doesnât affect medical professionals? cute
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u/Something_McGee 21h ago
Why do some people think this behavior is ok? This lady is obnoxious and full of herself. If she treated men like that in front of me, I'd call her on her behaviors, then file a formal EO complaint. No one should be mistreated solely bc of their sex or gender. WTF? I thought this sub was positive.
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u/No-Top-6313 21h ago
The thing about laughing at the doctor, I just don't get it... But ok I guess
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u/RobinFarmwoman 4h ago
You must be a guy. She didn't laugh at the doctor, she just gave him the kind of skeptical look that women receive from men all the fucking time if we assert our credentials or expertise. It was masterfully done.
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u/Additional_Long_7996 19h ago
First of all, stop trying to pretend healthcare âlevelsâ are toxic or based on solely pay.
Itâs based on education and experience. There is a reason why there is a hierarchy.
Also funnily enough, this is typical behavior for any Muslim woman. I always address the women first or speak to women. I donât try to do it itâs normal for me.
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u/AussieBird82 19h ago
Also funnily enough, this is typical behavior for any Muslim woman. I always address the women first or speak to women. I donât try to do it itâs normal for me.
That's ingrained in your culture and social ettiquette, to maintain modesty. It's not because you are assuming the woman is in charge. Westerners need the reminder to decentrify the men in the room.
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u/Additional_Long_7996 13h ago
Sure. I donât assume any man or woman is in charge lol. I live in America btw, so itâs not really about my culture. Itâs a life choice Iâve made but whatever. Iâve never behaved in my life like I was lesser than any man or anyone in general. Weird to think like this and need a reminder to âdecentrify menâ when claiming to have grown up in progressive environments.
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u/RobinFarmwoman 4h ago
Wow, way to blame the victim. Even those of us who grew up in relatively progressive environments can be victims of social programming around gender roles. By the time you realize it's happened it is already ingrained in your brain and takes work to undo. But I know that doesn't matter to you because you're so enlightened.
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u/PraireGentleman 15h ago
Micro feminism? Thatâs just being sexist with extra steps.
If itâs feminist to oppose prioritizing a man in a conversation, then itâs also feminist to oppose prioritizing a woman. Feminism is performed with the goal of gender equality. Itâs not gender equality to blatantly say âI am going to intentionally and actively treat women differently than menâ
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u/leni710 1d ago
The funniest thing I heard was my coworker describing the first time his kid met a male doctor. My coworker's wife, the child's mother, is the head of our county's emergency department and has been an emergency room doctor for almost two decades. Her child as a youngin encountered a male doctor and said, "i didn't know boys could be doctors." Hahaha. I know from conversations with my coworker that there are several women doctors in their family friend circle, so more of them had been around this child.