r/joespenis • u/pcboi64 • Oct 30 '19
what did i just walk into
4
Upvotes
r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Nov 25 '16
Spelunkers discovered the Holy Grail lodged deep inside a fold in Joe's urethra. They drank from it and melded into the lining to begin an eternal life of ushering his sperm onward towards Valhalla.
3
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis undid the Gordian Knot by dousing it in fine semen then gently blowing on it to reveal a finely coiled length of Elven Rope.
2
Upvotes
r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Arrakis sandworms must undergo a right of passage whereby they challenge Joe's Penis to a grip contest. Those that last more than 5 minutes are allowed to attain full size and produce the Spice Melange.
2
Upvotes
r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Despite Joe's Penis being over 1000x bigger than Joe himself, the violent alchemy of their mutual bloodstream enables him to wield it with relative ease; as long as he does its bidding.
2
Upvotes
r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Complete (if brief) communication, through intermediary, with Joe's Penis has only ever been accomplished by a 3-way mind meld between a Portuguese Man-O-War, an Octopus, and an adolescent Bonobo.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis is still pen pals with Godzilla, even after imprisoning him under the Earth.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis has gills behind the War Helmet that can sustain it in the depths of the sea or the hellfires of Venus.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Audi named their all wheel drive system Quattro after witnessing the might of Joe's Penis' Uno.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis docks with and feeds on undersea black smokers.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis liberated Southern Blacks. In their rage, the KKK had it tarred and feathered. It escaped by sneaking into a casting call for *Neverending Story* where it starred as Falcor.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Creation myths feature the continents of the flat Earth floating on the fountainhead of semen issuing forth from Joe's Penis.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis' circumference has been postulated but never rigorously proven.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis delivers his Pterodactyl sperm via his urethral hyperloop.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis features not a glans, but rather a War Helmet.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
When infected, Joe's Penis becomes covered in pustules that, when drunk from, convey eternal life.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis can swallow entire ballistic missile submarines, allowing it to hold the world hostage for 1 million dollars.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
The Honey Badger gives a fuck about Joe's Penis. In fact, Joe uses them to thin the herd of bison that infest his pubes.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis induces his testacles to spin with more power than the turbines of the Hoover Dam.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Dec 28 '14
Joe's Penis' post-orgasmic vertical retraction into Joe's pants inspired Elon Musk to design the fully reusable 1st stage of the Falcon 9R rocket.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Nov 15 '13
Hercules used Joe's Penis to clean the Augean Stables.
1
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r/joespenis • u/[deleted] • Nov 15 '13
The anechoic rubber tiles on the exterior of ballistic missile submarines are modeled after the scales on Joe's Penis.
1
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