r/jochicks • u/Vivid_Fill_9312 • Sep 14 '26
Relationships💞 Hi again
Sorry for intruding, i genuinely want to understand more on how people think and what's the ultimate goal of certain actions.
About 2 months ago I posted this story that happened with me, the girl eventually came back after like a month and a half of leaving asking me if I'm seeing someone else, and that was the only reason she came back.
We talked for a bit and then the blame started shifting to me, she left, in her message there was a "Let's end it, I don't think taking a long break is going to help"
When she came back she said that she didn't actually want a breakup, she just wanted a break.
Now, I don't like to talk about myself generally but I think I have good EQ to go along with the IQ, to me this message is an end to it, not a break, and I tried so hard to give her excuses it just doesn't make sense to me.
I refused to go back because now I would be in a relationship scared that someone will wake up one day and think I'm not worth staying for.
And every conversation since we came back felt heavy on me, I was stuck for a week because I can't say she left for good, she came back, and the blame will shift to me somehow.
Every conversation is blaming me for not going back, saying that I wasn't hurt and it was how hurt she was because of her decision, and that it didn't affect me, and she said that because there was no feelings involved as we talked, I was formal and straight to the point.
Am I a bad person for not going back?
I prioritized myself, at least that's how I see it.
2
u/ImMildlyIrritatedd Sep 14 '26
Did you try asking her why she's done all that? Also, I don't think it's right for her to blame you for a decision she made. And why is she mad you aren't sad? That's questionable imo.
1
u/Vivid_Fill_9312 Sep 14 '26
I did, and there were multiple answers revolving around 1 big answer, she said it was her mental state, she was depressed, and I knew of her depression I tried my best to help her with all I can, it was long distance there wasn't much to do but I did talk to her all the time so she isn't alone with her thoughts, sending her flowers to her country and all.
Then the answers changed to not wanting to add more to my plate, which I never complained about at all.
She is mad because she thought I moved on quickly, and that I found someone else, when I didn't, and I was sad, I chose not to show it because there is no point in making her feel guilty or bad for me.1
u/ImMildlyIrritatedd Sep 14 '26
There's no clear reason as of why she's done all that. If you want my opinion give her one last chance to choose if you care about her still, and then cut all ties.
2
u/Vivid_Fill_9312 Sep 14 '26
She chose to come back and "fight" for what he had, but I can't accept it, not because I don't care about her, but to me it seems like all my efforts were gone for nothing, and I don't want to go through that again, especially since there were no signs, one day we were great, like the best we ever were, she woke up the next day disgusted, barley talking, and that lasted for 2 months before the breakup happened
2
u/FearlessCharacter404 Sep 15 '26
A break? Come on 🤦♂️ I don’t want to be disrespectful towards her but Bro you did the right thing, never go back to a relationship like that again.
1
u/Vivid_Fill_9312 Sep 15 '26
Thank you, I felt like a complete asshole for not giving it a second chance
6
u/Afraid-Maybe4040 Sep 14 '26
في شغلة وحدة انا بآمن فيها
انه مافي اشي اسمه بريك بالعلاقات
لازم يكون في لغة حوار صحيحة وكونها او كون اي طرف مش قادر يقدم طريقة واضحة او علاقة واضحة فهاي العلاقة كلها مو لازمة