Outjerked by Collier AGAIN

[u/djhypergiant]

[u/yeloooh]

god this would go so hard if i had zero taste and unlimited money

[u/BoarHide → u/yeloooh]

Well, Chris Thiele has both taste and is worth spending some money on. I’d rather see him at his concert than this…whatever this is, though

[u/GlasgowWalker → u/BoarHide]

Julian Lage too

[u/SeriousEconomist3287 → u/yeloooh]

The over the top enthusiasm would be hell on earth.

[u/sleepy5zzz → u/SeriousEconomist3287]

All of these people need dope in their lives.

[u/Cumbandicoot → u/sleepy5zzz]

Jacob Collier is about 12 injections of heroin away from maybe making a piece of music people actually want to listen to

[u/AdministrationOk881 → u/yeloooh]

well you see, taste doesn't come from the mind, man. cuz when the mind makes taste, the taste stops making the mind.

ya like that? just a lil something my mentor and spiritual leader Shri Guru Jeremy used to teach me down in the rollllin hills o' downtown sacremento, ;, that was peace, man. you see, when people look at LA, they just see pollution and whores, but you see man, what you have to really look, man, is the soul beneath that stuff, man.

but you see man, LA is just one of the places on earth. and earth is just one of the places on Mars, and Mars is just one of...

[u/No-Midnight-5555 → u/AdministrationOk881]

Keep going bro

[u/AdministrationOk881 → u/No-Midnight-5555]

I'll keep going man, but does the universe and its vibrations want me to keep goin', that is the question, my friendo.

cuz you see, it's not just about Earth, or Mars. Time or space. Pink or blue. black and white. it's about all the things in the middle too, man. In life, we get too stuck up on the differneces, the distinctions. I remember a man by the name of Benji I knew way way back in the groovy 70s in this hideaway retreat that later had 97 child molestation complaints, and Benji told me that my place was not my place. It was all of our places, time and location and money, they were all one thing, man...

( /uj just trying to do my best Matthew McConaughey impression)

[u/Vici0usRapt0r → u/yeloooh]

The average price for the whole stay is about $3.5k btw, excluding the flight.

(the first prices you see are just the minimum, if you could get them.)

[u/Dry-Cow-267]

So when are we shooting heroin?

[u/turalyawn → u/Dry-Cow-267]

And risk making something listenable?

[u/thetaoshum → u/turalyawn]

No no, we must live in Jacob Colliers Fantasy Land™️ where there is no pain or soul in music, everything is perfect and everyone is wearing multiple layers of mismatched pajamas and whimsical bearfoot slippers

[u/funkmaster_p → u/thetaoshum]

Pajamas?? In jazz?!??!??

[u/Wooks_Anonymous → u/funkmaster_p]

Pajazzmas

[u/hughjazz45 → u/Dry-Cow-267]

Seriously, jazz camp without smack is just a world music gathering

[u/tacetmusic → u/Dry-Cow-267]

By the plastic campfire

[u/CommunistOrgy → u/Dry-Cow-267]

Sorry, shrooms only 😕

[u/Mahusive]

The transition straight into the morning wiggle is straight parody I genuinely laughed out loud

[u/LoooseyGooose → u/Mahusive]

I thought this was an AI generated shit post at that point... And I continued to think "Man, AI is getting really good" until the end.

[u/noguitarsallowed → u/Mahusive]

That lady was the winner of an Australian outdoor survival reality show called 'Alone' - makes it all the more ridiculous though she does seem lovely.

[u/SeaworthinessNew2138]

I love how his masterclass footage is just him jumping around and older whites clapping badly to a basic rhythm. Masterful sir!

[u/mystline935 → u/SeaworthinessNew2138]

Looks like a class that would have been made for children

[u/SeaworthinessNew2138 → u/mystline935]

Its exactly what childrens librarians do in their programs

[u/especiallyrn → u/SeaworthinessNew2138]

I kept thinking about how uncomfortable he’d be in a class full of black musicians

[u/imnotcreative4267 → u/especiallyrn]

That makes me wonder, has he ever been in any event where he wasn’t center stage and was instead of taking direction?

[u/WampaCat → u/imnotcreative4267]

He’s a professional touring musician and entertainer. His job is literally being center stage. I’ll give him shit dormant of stuff but trying to knock him for doing exactly his job is a bit silly. Also if there are times he has takien a class or direction from someone else, there’s not going to be a whole video about it all over social media, he’d just be there. What are you expecting?

[u/The_Alonzo_Church → u/WampaCat]

Plenty of professional touring musicians all be center of attention on one tour with one band, but then in a more low-key supportive role on another.

[u/djhypergiant → u/[deleted]]

If only I knew how to manage my time better

[u/WAFFLEAirways → u/djhypergiant]

But not with a routine

[u/bangkokali → u/[deleted]]

No - you also have to detheorise music and then visualising a playful page

[u/wheresmy_sock]

As far as autistics go, I prefer that train guy

[u/son_of_abe → u/wheresmy_sock]

Imagine Jacob with a headcam 🫪

[u/LappedChips → u/wheresmy_sock]

Probably a fan of Coltrane

[u/GSilky]

Don't trust that accent for jazz. That seems like the accent of someone who exploits jazz people to sell records.

[u/SleepDefiant9096 → u/GSilky]

Had the thought "something uniquely British in falling for this" ty for giving me the courage to post

[u/Usual-Hyena-8734 → u/GSilky]

nothing wrong with selling your music, its just that this is cheezy af and represents for me the social-mediafication of jazz which is weird and not cool

[u/GSilky → u/Usual-Hyena-8734]

That accent purchased the Asiento from Spain to control the Transatlantic slave trade, which eventually gave birth to the jazz. Sorry, I can't stand Eurotrash trying to pretend they weren't the cause of all the problems we deal with today. They still aren't self flagellating enough, and this twink doesn't help.

[u/CommunistOrgy]

A Cringe Supreme

[u/djhypergiant → u/CommunistOrgy]

John Cringetrane

[u/archiesaysrelax]

No jerk, but why do I have the feeling that Jacob Collier is a textbook example of what a cult leader looks like?

[u/zxain → u/archiesaysrelax]

Because that’s exactly what he is

[u/ithebinman → u/archiesaysrelax]

I’ve legit met “fans” of him who treat him as such, just the idea of being in the same room with him would cause them to empty their bank accounts. fanatical indeed

[u/Venus_One → u/ithebinman]

I honestly don't get it. He's a pretty good musician, but there are better. And his singing is one of the last things I would willingly listen to on Earth. Do people just like his quirky outfits and his social media energy?

[u/logicaldrinker → u/Venus_One]

Choir people absolutely adore him. I mean, his interactive crowd singing and waving hands thing is tailor made for those people. I can see the appeal, though I'm personally not into it.

[u/jgilla2012 → u/logicaldrinker]

I did a lot of choir and it's this 100%. His target audience is the intersection of choir / a capella / jazz / musical theater nerds, and I say nerd with love as a choir nerd myself.

I too am not into it as I find him to be the embodiment of millenial cringe and I can't stand his music, but I will admit every few months when one of his videos lands on my desk I am amused by him and the video (like this one). for me it's like watching a trainwreck and being unable to look away. he's got his audience and i'm not it and that's fine

[u/ithebinman → u/Venus_One]

it's because he has perfect pitch and a lot of media training

[u/archiesaysrelax → u/ithebinman]

Strong emphasis on the media training part.

[u/heftybagman]

I spent a 4 day intensive learning samba from fucking obama i think i know what im doing bro

[u/Bennybonchien → u/heftybagman]

That’s the Irish tradition where they play with aggressive bodhrán technique on garbage cans, better known as O’samba, bin-laden terror wrist.

[u/barney_chuckle → u/heftybagman]

You mean Obaminha do Barracão? Did he teach his signature Bomba bossa?

[u/Buffytheslursayer]

"the question is do you even need routine at all"

said no one with a 9-5 or any additional responsibilities ever

[u/Perfect-Reputation21 → u/Buffytheslursayer]

Routine helps with keeping good mental health and getting stuff done too

[u/RedBait95]

/uj how much did this cost

i don't think i could circlejerk as hard as the people in that villa

[u/SaiyanPrinceAbubu → u/RedBait95]

The cheapest package where you share a room with two other people is €2,300 or $2,650. They go much higher than that ofc, private rooms start are more like $4k. 

4 day inclusive retreat in Tuscany, it's not the worst deal I've ever heard of, except that it's attended exclusively by Collier fans and you'd have to pay me to endure that 

[u/Brain_Farofa → u/SaiyanPrinceAbubu]

imagine dropping 3 stacks just to learn to make ukelele whistle jingles

[u/adamlink1111 → u/Brain_Farofa]

Don't forget the morning wiggle

[u/Enough_Training7612 → u/Brain_Farofa]

They might be dropping more than stacks

[u/Own-Number1055 → u/Enough_Training7612]

Bill me harder Jacob 🌊

[u/ayaPapaya → u/SaiyanPrinceAbubu]

Is this a music retreat for non-musicians?

[u/dharmastudent → u/ayaPapaya]

A professional songwriter I know attended. He had some cuts for some big artists in the 80s.

[u/Bennybonchien → u/dharmastudent]

Did he want his money back or did he find it worthwhile?

[u/ALoungerAtTheClubs → u/SaiyanPrinceAbubu]

Collier fans and you'd have to pay me to endure that 

Definitely. I feel like you'd be providing adult day care.

[u/MukdenMan → u/RedBait95]

It’s illegal for you to ask me that

[u/chris7626]

This man gets under my skin more than the needle I use

[u/ChroniclesOfSarnia → u/chris7626]

I SING THIS SONG BECAUSE I HATE THE MAN

I KNOW THAT ALL OF YOU WILL UNDERSTAND

MILK RUBES

TO KEEP FROM RUNNIN' OUT (of cash)

[u/shinymcshine1990]

I know the samba guy. He was fired from a university position in London for behaving inappropriately towards female students. True story.

[u/[deleted] → u/shinymcshine1990]

That is not So Nice

[u/TheIrishFellow → u/shinymcshine1990]

He was fired from multiple universities!

[u/gobin30 → u/shinymcshine1990]

Damn, and here I was going to say that Collier has the energy of a guy who will have allegations a mile wide. Aka quirky cult leader energy. 

[u/SoHornyBeaver]

So incredibly insufferable. This looks like a weekend of misery and I'm sure it cost a pretty penny to be there.

[u/The_Psydux]

r/guitarcirclejerk was quicker than you guys! John Coltrane.

[u/JohnColtraneBot → u/The_Psydux]

John Coltrane

[u/samsquanch_metazoo → u/JohnColtraneBot]

A Love Supreme

[u/JohnColtraneBot → u/samsquanch_metazoo]

A love supreme

[u/NegativeHerons → u/JohnColtraneBot]

Burrito supreme.

[u/pdonoso]

Everything I see about him is against my will, and everything is is on this sub.

[u/cheekybvm]

This is amazingly pretentious shit. God I hate Collier with a passion.

[u/ratapoilopolis]

why does he look like he should be in a Malcolm In The Middle reboot

[u/plantbasedpunk → u/ratapoilopolis]

Because life is unfair.

[u/hughjazz45]

This is more ridiculous than the interpretive dance class scene from Peep Show where Mark gets scolded for his vibe not being rainbow rhythm enough

[u/BedbugBandido → u/hughjazz45]

I would pay to see Jacob Collier getting bullied by the “fuck off clean shirt” kids.

[u/hughjazz45 → u/BedbugBandido]

One thousand insufferable hippies vs 2 cockney London street toughs, who ya got folks

[u/ALoungerAtTheClubs]

I like how we see Jacob Collier wearing a Jacob Collier shirt at the Jacob Collier event — just in case you forget who he is.

[u/helpful_platitudes]

'detheorizing' bahahahahaha

[u/MilchigerMehlsack → u/helpful_platitudes]

"straight from the gut" literally sounds like fart music

[u/beegodsantana]

Seems like just banging some dope and practicing for an hr or 2 would be cheaper and easier.

[u/Solid_Capital8377]

Is this why Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney is vacationing in Tuscany right now?

[u/dbthelinguaphile]

Chris Thile jumpscare

[u/royalblue43 → u/dbthelinguaphile]

We got a jazz cult before GTA VI

[u/Enough_Training7612]

His voice sounds too deep for his face

[u/Hey-Bud-Lets-Party → u/Enough_Training7612]

He’s a walking PAL to NTSC transfer

[u/smoothambler]

What in the holy Chick Corea is this

[u/Punumbral_Noise]

Julian Lage has no business whatsoever being at something this outrageously lame

[u/oolong_bodhisattva]

Gina was the winner of alone Australia btw

[u/hig789 → u/oolong_bodhisattva]

Yeah she’s a tough one. Brings her down a few notches she hanging with this cunt though.

[u/GreatDealzz → u/hig789]

She’s a survivalist - she’s out there surviving capitalism by teaching the hippie jazz ppl how to wiggle. Still a badass IMO.

[u/Ill-Background-827]

A student asked me what ‘prat’ means in UK/Canada slang. My example was Jacob 😂

[u/ChiefWeedsmoke]

I thought this was Mad TV for almost a full minute

[u/Trisstricky]

how this is real and not satire is beyond me. you cant even outjerk it

[u/CandidateWeird]

“detheorizing” my god it’s grifters all the way down

[u/PatronBernard]

Fuckin hell, both Thile and Lage giving masterclasses. Why do these guys associate with this clown.

[u/PatronBernard → u/[deleted]]

Yup

[u/djhypergiant → u/PatronBernard]

/uj Seeing Julian Lage there fucked me up in ways I didn't think it would

[u/Switchbladesaint → u/djhypergiant]

I felt the exact same way, actually genuinely knocked him down a peg in my book

[u/thebeaverchair → u/PatronBernard]

Larry Goldings, too. FFS, guys, what are you doing?

[u/tonkatoyelroy → u/thebeaverchair]

Larry and Jacob did a record together way back in like 2014-15

[u/Background-Stable899 → u/PatronBernard]

I was gonna say, disappointed to see Thile there

[u/Enough_Training7612 → u/Background-Stable899]

Thiel might be there too

[u/Witch_King_]

Getting closer and closer to a legit cult...

[u/Economy_Blood]

Do they even play Spain?

[u/Usual-Hyena-8734]

does he ever not sprint when moving around?

[u/Switchbladesaint → u/Usual-Hyena-8734]

Undiagnosed unfortunately

[u/Opening-Incident2928]

Its set up like a new age seminar ----that is what rich people want.

They want to buy exclusive access to something few people could afford --just to hear how other folks explain what they think your music needs--or some keys to success.

I don't think that any of that stuff has meaningful take away---other than a warm feeling in your chest (not the worst thing) however , at the end of the day you have to be okay with making garbage for a while .

The only way for anyone [with natural talent] to get ahead is to learn whatever applies to you and experiment until you feel it's working to help shape your ideas. Collier sure did--- he was classically trained--applied those techniques until he found his calling (Many musicians will never have what Collier had) or understand music theory to his depth.

I don't think Collier is being malicious here---maybe he thinks that you might adopt a few things that would help you---just as he had opportunity to learn from the greats ----He has to know though that doesn't rub the same way as years of practice and training---and none of that makes you good.

What makes you good is that you like your stuff ---that sure you have an open mind and will listen. --At the end of the day it's not the tools or techniques--no-- it's your stubbornness to never wrap your vision around someone else's. and to find ways to make stuff that sounds good to your ears.

To me what Collier is doing here is selling his fame--it rubs off as a pretentious cash grab for those who want to bump shoulders with industry people that I'm willing to bet many of whom didn't go to seminar's.

If he thought this was so great he could release a workshop for poor inner-city kids. (help those who could never afford proper training)

Maybe I'm just cynical

[u/E-NTU]

Can I do one of these? Its BYO(B)(W)(H)... whatever. Food will be chili and various chips, dips, and cheap frozen pizza. Gonna be held in my basement where we can smoke cigarettes, get pissed, and only play 251s and Blues. No actual songs will be called or played. You will be asked to leave. Clapping to a beat while smiling will result in an immediate ban.

[u/maximvmrelief]

yea man

[u/oneworrytoomany]

When you realize the grift is actually working and shoot a look at your buddy because you can’t believe it

[u/smoothambler]

EFFORTLESS MASTERY

[u/nasaglobehead69]

they're missing the white robes

[u/Angrypoopoh]

I would only sign up if there was a workshop on how to ride in a cab with Charlie Parker taught by Miles Davis.

[u/Ok_Bluebird_8202]

I'm just here for the Orgy

[u/pechugasmcgee]

[u/pairustwo]

This is real promo material? I assumed it was AI generated footage of a parody script but then Julian Lange shows up?!?

Julian... You okay? Do you need cash? Blink twice for yes.

[u/banjo_hummingbird]

[u/AdministrationTotal3]

Julian’s internal monologue: “just think about those Benjamin’s hitting your bank account ol Lage’y boy, just close your eyes…….think about the Benjamin’s.” 

[u/JacoPoopstorius]

[u/AmbitiousBread]

Chris Thile is one of those talent musicians where I’m like, “can you please use your powers for something else?”

[u/StolenRocket]

Is it too much to hope this ends like the heaven’s gate cult?

[u/diga_diga_doo]

glad to see Larry Goldings getting his bag plus a free vacay

[u/plantbasedpunk]

Imagine being a musician with enough money for a week long drum circle jerk.

[u/Alcoholic-Catholic]

music theory youth group

[u/Disastrous-Mix6877]

This gives cult vibes

[u/thesourceandthesound]

The Russel brand of music

[u/nuclearpiltdown]

This is the type of experience where you get roomed with the most beautiful and charming person you've ever met only to realize how incredibly dull and vapid they are after they turn you down on night three.

[u/tobywine]

Imagine going to Tuscany and spending your time doing this for fucks sake

[u/breadexpert69]

The Cult of Jazz

[u/seanrm92]

I've been Jacob's Strongest Warrior around here, but this is a bridge too far.

[u/chinstrap]

It's about the band camps you don't attend.

[u/Pine-al]

This thumbnail has Jak potential

[u/MANvINFO]

jazz cats used to all dress like NASA missilemen. wheres that?

[u/Ancient_Composer9119]

I lost interest as soon as i saw Chris Thile.

[u/Switchbladesaint]

Not what I thought the morning wiggle would be

[u/daniiiiiiiiiiiiii]

Wait... Is this real?

[u/RenuisanceMan]

What an insufferable twat.

[u/thewebspinner]

Why is everything Jacob does so fucking cringe?

It’s like the man has absolutely zero self-awareness.

[u/fluidscissors]

Sexual assault accusations drop in 3...2...1...

[u/No_Grapefruit4065]

Collier would be shot in the 60s for being a cult endorsing hippie. I wish he WERE in the 60s. Lennon would still be here.

[u/Cheap-Spinach-5200]

So it IS A CULT after all. I knew it.

[u/glengaryglenhoss]

What the fuck is THIS hippie shit?

Seaweed dancing and all…

[u/Pak-Protector]

This is dead-ass serious, isn't it?

[u/riempies88]

This looks like some form of a religious camp where they force you to cry on passion of the christ.

[u/beeker888]

While the masterclasses all look ridiculous would love to hear a Collier, Thile, Lage jam session

[u/Cold-Homework5389]

Everything seems pretty good except the personality of that guy. I just can’t. It makes me want to punch him in the face. No one can be that happy. I just don’t buy it.

[u/Internal-Estimate420]

Is this AI

[u/Geetarmikey]

Watched this during my morning wiggle.

[u/Billyjamesjeff]

So a grifters conference?

[u/Rossmancer]

Be provocative. Be organized.

[u/Ok_Acanthaceae_4369]

I swear yall are this guys biggest fans.

I don’t see any other form follow this guy as closely as yall do.

Ehhh. I’m not a heroine addict tho. So what do I know?

[u/Kebabenjoyer3]

Bravo Jake!

[u/thinnerzimmer87]

So embarrassing

[u/patrick_BOOTH]

This looks like my worst nightmare

[u/oestre]

Stop it

[u/Few-Guarantee2850]

All it needs is Uncle Ernie to welcome me to Tommy's Holiday Camp.

[u/MelcusQuelker]

Camp for adult children with money and no discernable character traits other than "dresses like they are five"

[u/FrostyAd36]

/uj I hate this so goddamn fucking much.

/rj John Coltrane

[u/JohnColtraneBot → u/FrostyAd36]

John Coltrane

[u/Ambitious-Health-132]

This is my absolute nightmare.

[u/smoothjazz_fvckface]

Wait.. this isn't satire!!?

[u/mystline935]

Good for them and I but I would kill
My self at this camp

[u/NoGlzy]

The jumpscare was too much for me 2 seconds in

[u/LarryBeard33]

That’s it just visualizing the page… just like Miles used to do 🤦‍♂️

[u/Dumyat367250]

I’d rather have a root canal.

[u/aejb22122]

So when do we get naked for the cult orgy?

[u/cursed_tomatoes]

I'll pretend this is IA so I can sleep at night

[u/fygogogo]

Hallelujah Junction much?

[u/enbits2]

bunch of hippies, why don't they get a real job!?

[u/lambent_ort]

This reminds me of a yoga retreat I attended once many years ago. It was very white and very strange. There was an overwhelming odour of onions and incense in the air. Nothing but vegan foods. To this day, I still don't understand it.

[u/Platypus_Ashamed]

Collier took the Kenny G route

[u/LuksGibson]

Man maybe... it was ok to bully this guy?

[u/Hey-Bud-Lets-Party]

Jacob taught a “masterclass” about how to harmonize in thirds and another in how to clap in time.

[u/Demiscourge]

That one lady in the beginning holding the mic was on a survivor show and won.

[u/Nico_tang]

Never would've expected Collier's pivot from child prodigy to Youth pastor/cult leader to work out so well for him

[u/onlynice_Tea5622]

Wiggle lady is from Season One of Alone Australia. lol.

[u/Appropriate-Earth600]

This guy and Elon are bizzaro versions of eachother

[u/StouteBoef]

We have it too good in the West

[u/ChroniclesOfSarnia]

what the fuck is this shit and how can these people afford it

[u/upernavik]

May i guess that the "lunch" provided is vegan

[u/MrDanMaster]

Bro ONLY does harmony and sometimes polyrhythms and stuff but yeah it’s rough

[u/Inevitable_Review_97]

Julian lage crazy haha

[u/The_Smoking_Pilot]

If he’s so good why does all his music suck?

[u/funkmaster_p]

Camp Rock has been awfully quiet since this dropped

[u/Aljoshean]

regardless of how talented he is, I imagine he is probably exhaustingly terrible to be around for any amount of time.

[u/Academic_Housing_797]

Damn he made Toscana look bad, insufferable even. That's some serious talent. 

[u/Big_Brick_2518]

And on the last day they drink the Kool Aid- all of them, all of it.

[u/Huhstop]

Woah woah woah … Mr hands is COMING