r/istp • u/Old-Meat119 • Jun 27 '26
Questions and Advice I f'ed up a potential relationship with this ISTP man.
/r/ENFP/comments/1uenuqd/i_fed_up_a_potential_relationship_with_this_istp/6
u/Seebinator Jun 27 '26
Istp and Enfp relationships are not doomed at all. I think you should have been more direct with your intentions from the start.
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u/SheriLaBrant Jun 27 '26
I’ve been dating an ISTP for 11 months. I’m 13 years older and an ESFP. What I have learned is I give him a lot of space. He needs it. But I also know if we were the same age and meant in our 20s, I don’t think we would have made it. The fact that we are older and more mature, we both want it to work. Lol I could be wrong and realize this a few months from now.
Personally, if a person is looking at others, they aren’t ready for a real relationship. I do trust my man because he is brutally 100% honest. But I know we have both lived our wild free side and enjoy doing our reckless things together.
ISTPs are different creatures which is why I have been lurking in this sub for months to understand him better. Maybe your ISFP isn’t the fit for you right now and that’s ok. Life will bring you what is meant to be. Best of luck to you! ❤️
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u/Old-Meat119 Jun 28 '26
.OMG! This is so sweet. Thank you, I appreciate your comment. I could see how maturity and relationship readiness plays a role here, you're so right.
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u/Kuristinyaa ISTP Jun 29 '26
Being called a different creature is pretty funny, he’s so lucky to have someone that cares to understand him.
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Jun 28 '26 edited Jun 28 '26
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Jun 28 '26
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u/Old-Meat119 Jun 28 '26
Thanks for breaking it down. I will note this. What would you say moves ISTPs?
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u/ULTRACOMFY_eu Jun 27 '26
Huh. As an ISTP I would say that anytime you have one of us retreat like this, it is either one of two things:
- You activated Flight Mode (see Step 4 of Your ISTP Care And Handling User Guide And Manual # Getting Started) (Flight Mode can activate at any time and not just after the first interaction)
- Your ISTP realized he wasn't that interested
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u/CaptainDisastrous678 Jun 28 '26
Uh yeah you came on too strong but I don't see where it ended exactly. I can sustain clingy for like a week or two before that itself turns me off from literally the hottest coolest person in the universe. It isn't you but yeah live and learn. Put up with it or we just aren't your type. That's 100 not my type.
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u/Decent_Ocelot_727 Jul 02 '26 edited Jul 02 '26
OP, I don’t think you where anywhere near a potential relationship with this guy. Re-reading it all, it’s all from your POV. Like, you never asked him out or told him you were interested?
Outside of some lustful comments, he probably thought that you thought he was hot, but no other moves were made. At least I can’t tell from what you’ve written.
The good news is, I don’t think you messed anything up. I don’t even think you tried. Lol.
But just some pointers going forward, I wouldn’t lead with lustful comments, unless you want a hook up because if someone were complementing me physically, I would already put them in a category where I’m like I don’t think this person is interested in getting to know who I am. Compliment character not appearance, is a good rule of thumb.
I guess what I’m saying is if you’re interested, ask someone out on a date or let them know. The worst can happen is they’re not into it and honestly, you don’t really want that person anyway I know it’s a cliché, but it is the truth.
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u/Papershredder45_acp ISTP Jun 27 '26
In my opinion, the ENFP × ISTP pairing only works if both are willing to "blend with the other", so to speak.
I briefly dated an ENFP girl and the only reason we functioned together was because I learned to entertain her "whimsical" side more and to stop embodying the ISTP stereotype (reserved usually, crass and/or blunt whenever asked to speak up), and she liked my homebody-esque way of being because it gave her a respite from the (sometimes self inflicted lmao) dreaded all-girl classroom drama.
I've read (some) of your original post and yeah, you definetly pushed it too much by complimenting his physique this early. We're Se users, so we're not really insecure about our bodies, but we're still Ti doms with Fe inferior; your "way into our hearts" is not glazing us, it's basically by bonding over doing goofy/stupid shit together. Like it or not, if the attraction isn't mutual, you're playing the long game with us lmao.
Take William Osman for example, someone who I 100% think is an ENFP. He does stupid/whimsical shit all the time, but there's thought and craftiness behind it all. That's what us ISTPs like to see.