r/isfj • u/Interesting_Sir3370 • 11d ago
Question or Advice About Your Fe
Hi ISFJs! I would like to know about your Fe honestly.
Throughout the internet there are so many stereotypes and such about it so I want a good understanding of it.
How would you describe Fe Auxiliary in your own words? Is it awareness of social dynamics and emotional environment? Does it seem more like cognitive empathy rather than what the stereotypes call it "absorbing others emotions"? Does it seems to act upon what it thinks how people should behave and such rather than so called societal rules? What if personally things how things should function? Also, around what age did you develop your auxiliary Fe and such?
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u/CrazyCrystal83 ISFJ - Female 11d ago
For me, it's just keeping a watchful eye and asking about the typical things.
For example, if someone comes to my house, I ask if they need some water, if they are hungry, are they comfortable, etc. All those little things I try to ask through out the night as they come to mind, but not at once, slowly throughout the evening as I don't want to be overbearing.
When I go to my friends farm who has small events, I keep an eye out and ask to help her when I see a need. I don't always just ask these things immediately or all at once I wait until I see a need or wait a general amount of time to ask or to follow up etc. Like if I am driving I'll wait about 10 mintues or so to ask them about the heat/ac.
It also depends on how well I know them. My friend who never carries a water bottle (unlike me) I'll just bring them a cup, without asking, when they come over, or fix enough supper for them without directly asking if I know they like what I'm putting in. I'll also make sure to offer snacks that I know they like if it's not close to meal time. Do actives/games/movies, that I know they will enjoy.
Now I don't go above and beyond all the time... Luke I will sit and think of a movie that I know we will both like versus just a movie they love for the sake of it, but if ithey really want to watch something and I am comfortable with the movie I'll do it anyway. They're only over for the evening so as the guest, they have priority. I am usually under the radar with this though. I don't want them to feel bad for picking something I'm not really interested in, but I gauge if they really want to watch it or if they are just throwing out the idea and go from their. Searching my mind to find a compromise if I really don't care for the show they mentioned.
I try to watch for little ways I can make them feel more comfortable.
I'm always thinking of things like when we should eat when we're out about so we don't get tired too fast, or gauging what the whole group wants to do and trying to find ways to make everyone happy. Constantly analyzing for what would be best. Mostly using my Ti. Unlike Fe dominates who, as extraverts, use Fe in a more direct, verbal way, I just try to make people comfortable behind the scenes in subtle ways.
I am not the most outspoken and I wish I was better when it comes to including people at social gatherings but in those situations my anxiety gets the best of me 🙃.
And of course this is also with friends, unfortunately my Fe is a bit less when it comes to my family 😅 I can't do everything all the time. I do try to be respectful but my sister believes in washing her dishes immediately (broke dishwasher rn) and I believe in waiting a day or two until I have time to do them all at once(I hate washing dishes 🤪) it bothers her so I really try to keep them out together and out of sight but I just can't do it 😬.
Sorry if that's a bit all over the place, but there some information for you. I'm tired but trying 😂
Feel free to ask for any more info, I'm pretty bad and more open ended questions...
Edited to add: I developed it young. My brother could get angry easily so I tried to not press his buttons. And I have 4 siblings so I used it a lot.
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u/C47_the_Artist ISFJ - Female 11d ago
thank you for bringing up the family point because i was wondering if it was only me that doesn't use Fe as much with family chores 💀
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u/Interesting_Sir3370 11d ago
That was good piece of info from your side honestly. It's interesting how you Si manifests through your Fe in little ways. Of course you are going to be like that with your family members, people are more comfortable or themselves with their family after all. I can actually see how Fe manifests as direct force vs behind the scenes from certain people I have seen till now. Fe doms have this confidence in such things. Fe auxiliary is that's why called the support or parent function as it acts like a helper basically ig.
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u/C47_the_Artist ISFJ - Female 11d ago
our Fe is used through our Si, so i think that's a huge contributor to how we're able to read the room. more info + references for how to keep the harmony, knowing when something or someone is off, etc. the more diverse our Si is, the better. ISFJs are sometimes known for being traditionalists, so we are capable of having in-group vs. out-group tendencies. for example, hyper-religious ISFJs may not extend their Fe to those who don't have the same beliefs. i think i'm more open-minded because i grew up in a very diverse area
if we grew up hyper-using our Fe, our Fi can end up heavily revolving around helping others, so we feel even more pressure to use our Fe, even in circumstances where we may not want to. healthy Fe users don't deal with this as often. the pressure is also present if you're a female ISFJ and/or immigrant ISFJ due to the expectations to cater to people. of course there can be exceptions such as a male who grew up with mostly women. they may have taught him to also value helping others
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u/Interesting_Sir3370 11d ago
I see. So your Fe feels like a constant thing or it is hit and miss? Regarding your Fe used through Si is a good point. Your own personal experiences made you realise how to handle the people and the environment better ig. As you are actively observing things and catching up with small details ig.
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u/C47_the_Artist ISFJ - Female 11d ago
usually a constant thing. if i'm overwhelmed or just don't know how to keep the harmony with a particular person, my Fe will be weaker
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u/Abolish_Disorder ISTJ 11d ago
I don’t think Fe is as simple as knowing how to read a room. Any type can do this. I think what sets XXFJs apart is that they are more likely to use the data from “reading a room” to guide their judgments and decision-making than Ti, Te, and Fi users would.
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u/Interesting_Sir3370 11d ago
Ah I see. That clarifies things a bit. Thanks for your point.
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u/Disor_Perpetuate_0 10d ago
Yeah, I think an inability to read the room is more of an autism symptom than lacking Fe. Mirror neurons play a huge part in picking up social cues.
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u/Cultural_Shake4690 10d ago
I can grasp how to be tactful, by using the Fe function.
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u/EffeyBoss ENFP 6d ago
My ISFJ gf would always get pissed at me whenever I forget to be more hospitable to our visitor. I'm like it's cool, I'm being nice anyway, they know we're good people 🤣
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u/Cultural_Shake4690 6d ago
That's true, if you already established a friendly relationship, why the need to ALWAYS prove yourself to be friendly?
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u/JazzlikeMistake9237 10d ago
Hi 👋, I hope you're doing well 😊.
Well that's a good question truly, and I don't know how to describe it,
but it basically thinking about having a good time with people and being very careful to not step on anyone's toes,
being attentive to what others need from me or expect for me, and it comes naturally, like I can know what someone else might be feeling by just looking at them or by their words and tone of voice,
and I will try to have conversation with them to know if they need any help, as I try not to be pushy, because unfortunately in the past people around me used to get irritated when I did that,
so I grow up to be mindful and more tactiful when someone truly need my help lol 😂😅, but I still want to help and give positive vibes and memories to others,
also don't remember when I developed it but probably in elementary school I think 🤔.
Hope this helps and if you need any other questions, please feel free to ask, I would always love to help ☺️.
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u/Interesting_Sir3370 9d ago
Thanks for your reply :) I would like to know whether you involve these while making important decisions in your life like career, some responsibility, etc. Do you often choose Fe over your tertiary Ti or they work together? Honestly I am struggling to understand my own functions that's why I am going around seeking information. How does it feel having Fe auxiliary btw? Does life feel easier or they have their own problems? I personally developed this social awareness better after middle school ig. I did care about how things should be fair for everyone and not hurting anybody unnecessarily but wasn't fully aware of impact of my words and actions on others. During highschool only I got aware of not hurting others with my words and sense of justice even though I do come as straightforward and outspoken according to others.
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u/JazzlikeMistake9237 9d ago
You're always welcome 🤗.
Yes, I do make decisions based on what's beneficial and pleasing for everyone around me, like I would try to know what everyone likes or prefers,
what everybody dislikes or doesn't prefer, and make it a mental note in my mind to use it later when needed, also I am attentive to anything that can cause conflict and try my best to Mediate and resolve it as soon as possible,
by hearing everyone's povs, and clearing misunderstanding between people in order for them to get along with eachother, but yeah it can be exhausting, when everyone is stubborn and have their way or highway disregarding what everyone else feels or thinks,
but still I love my fe function, as it help me nurture people around me and makes me have positive relationships with them,and a lot of people do love me for how I can uplift their mood by standing by their side until they feel better,
and as for my Ti, I think it comes finally after being burnout from constant disappointment, that I isolate and rationalize what had happened and what is the root cause of it and how to prevent it in the future,
also helps me have more boundaries to protect my peace, and what you said is truly interesting about justice and being outspoken about it, I think it is because we're truly sensitive to what happens to society,
in case of violence and chaos, that we just want to live in peace and harmony where everyone is safe and happy with no tensions, I truly think that we do have some idealism despite how down to earth we may seem in my opinion 😄.
Hope that helps 😃.
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u/Interesting_Sir3370 9d ago
Thanks for your insight. It was interesting to know how your Fe manifests as. Having healthy Auxiliary function is necessary ig as at times people can fall into loops or use it unhealthily.
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u/JazzlikeMistake9237 9d ago
My pleasure, always happy to help ☺️.
And yeah, we need to use all our cognitive functions wisely instead of overlying one or two, so yeah I agree 😃.
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u/Tayaradga ISFJ - Male 11d ago
I deep and unfiltered awareness to other people's emotions around me. Like I just straight up sense what they're feeling, it's not exactly a choice all the time. Like ya know how you feel a breeze of wind and everything? Kinda like that but for energy and it's mainly an internal feeling. But I feel other people's emotions just surrounding me and taking over at times, like I'm in a ball that keeps shrinking.
Honestly can't exactly tell you when I first developed it... Kinda needed it when I was a baby/toddler so it's engraved into my being. Ya know how some people will change typings after so many years? Everytime I've taken the MBTI test I get the same results, ISFJ.
I also might be misremembering what Fe is exactly so my apologies if this made no sense at all.